Asinaria, or The Ass-Dealer

Perseus Latin · Perseus Latin · 707 sections

3.3.710
Stand still, that I may now at once get down for the hill, although you are but a bad one.
3.3.711
Well now—since you’ve both made fun of me just as you liked, are you going to give the money?
3.3.712b
Why, yes, if, indeed, you erect to me a statue and an altar, and then sacrifice an ox to me here as though to a God; for I am the Divinity Salvation to you.
3.3.714
Nay, but, master, do you betake yourself away from him, and do you come to me.
3.3.715
And, what he has demanded for himself, will you erect a statue for me, and offer prayers to me?
3.3.716
But what Divinity am I to call you?
3.3.716b
Fortune, and that the Propitious one.
3.3.717
You are better than he then.
3.3.717b
Why, is there ever anything better for a man than Salvation?
3.3.718
Though I praise Fortune, still, not to speak in dispraise of the Divinity Salvation—
3.3.719
By the powers, but they are good, both of them.
3.3.719b
I shall know it, when they have conferred anything that’s good.
3.3.720
Wish for that which you desire to befall you.
3.3.720b
What if I do wish it?
3.3.720c
It shall come to pass.
3.3.721
I wish for her to be devoted to me alone this whole year round.
3.3.721b
You have obtained it.
3.3.722
Do you really say so?
3.3.722b
I do say so for certain.
3.3.722c
Come to me, in my turn, and make trial: wish ardently for that which you especially desire to happen to you; it shall be done.
3.3.724
What other thing could I ardently wish for rather than that of which I am in want?
3.3.725
Oblige me with twenty silver minae to give to her mother.
3.3.726
They shall be given: take care and be of good courage, your wishes shall be fulfilled.
3.3.727
Just as they are wont, Salvation and Fortune are deceiving mortals.
3.3.728
I this day have been the head in finding this money for you.
3.3.729
I have been the foot.
3.3.729b
Why, neither head nor foot of your talking is visible;
3.3.730
I can understand neither what you mean, nor why you are trifling with me.
3.3.731
I think that now you’ve been teased enough; now let’s disclose the matter as it really stands. Give your attention, Argyrippus, if you please. Your father has ordered us to bring this money to you.
3.3.733b
How very à propos and opportunely you have brought it.
3.3.734
Here, in this, there will be twenty good minae, obtained by bad means:
3.3.735
these, on certain conditions, he bade us give you.
3.3.735b
Prithee, what are they?
3.3.736
That you would grant him her favours and an entertainment.
3.3.736b
Bid him come, I beg. For him who deserves it right well, we’ll do what he wishes, him who has brought these scattered loves of ours to a happy result.
3.3.738b
You’ll permit your father then, Argyrippus, to caress her?
3.3.739b
She, by being restored to me, will easily cause me to permit it.
3.3.740
Prithee, Leonida, run, and beg my father to come here.
3.3.741
He has been in the house some time.
3.3.741b
He hasn’t come this way, at all events.
3.3.741c
He came round that way by the lane, through the garden, lest any one of his friends should see him coming here; he’s afraid that his wife may come to know of it. If your mother knew about the money, how it was obtained—
3.3.744b
Well, well—
3.3.745
do use words of good omens;
3.3.745b
go in-doors quickly,
3.3.745c
farewell.
3.3.745d
And you two, love on.
4.1.746
Come now, show me this agreement that you’ve written out between myself and the procuress. Read over the conditions; for you are a quite unique composer in such matters.
4.1.749
I’ll make the procuress be terrified when she hears the conditions.
4.1.750
Troth now, prithee, proceed and read them over to me.
4.1.750b
Are you attending?
4.1.750c
I’m all attention.
4.1.751
Diabolus, the son of Glaucus, has made a present to Cleaereta, the procuress, of twenty silver minae, that Philenium may be with him night and day for this whole year.
4.1.754b
Yes, and not with any other person.
4.1.755
Am I to add that?
4.1.755b
Add it, and take care and write it plainly and distinctly.
4.1.756
And not admit any other man whatever, because either her friend or her patron, she may choose to call him—
4.1.757a
Not any one!
4.1.758
Or because she may say that he is the lover of a female friend of hers. The door must be closed to all men except to yourself.
4.1.760
On the door she must write that she is engaged. Or, because she may affirm that the letter has been brought from abroad, there is not to be even any letter in the house, nor so much as a waxed tablet; and if there is any useless picture, let her sell it; if she does not part with it, within four days
4.1.765
from the time when she has received the money of you, let it be considered as your own; you to burn it if you like; so that she may have no wax, with which she may be able to make a letter. She is to invite no guest; you are to invite them. On no one of them is she to cast her eyes:
4.1.770
if she looks upon any other person, she must be blind forthwith. Then she is to drink cup by cup equally with yourself. She is to receive it from you; she is to hand it to you for you to drink. She is not to have a relish for less or for more than yourself.
4.1.773b
That’s quite to my taste.
4.1.774
She is to remove all causes of suspicion from her,
4.1.775
nor is she to tread on any man’s foot with her foot; when she rises she is neither to step upon the next couch, nor when she gets down from the couch is she thence to extend her hand to any one; she is not to give to nor ask of any one a ring for her to look at; she is not to present dice to any man whatever except to yourself;
4.1.780
when she throws them, she is not to say, ’You I call upon,’ she is to mention your name. She may call on any Goddess that she pleases as propitious to her, but on no God: if she should chance to be very full of devotion, she is to tell you, and you are to pray to him that he may be propitious. She is neither to nod at any man, wink, or make a sign.
4.1.785
In fine, if the lamp goes out, she is not to move a single joint of herself in the dark.
4.1.786b
That’s very good; so, in fact, she must do: but expunge that about the chamber; for my part, I prefer that she should move. I don’t wish her to have an excuse, and to say that it is forbidden her by her vow.
4.1.790
I understand, you fear some quibble.
4.1.790b
Just so.
4.1.790c
Then as you bid me, I’ll strike it out.
4.1.791b
And why not?
4.1.791c
Hear the rest.
4.1.791d
Say on, I’m listening.
4.1.792
And she is not to use any shuffling words, nor is she to know how to speak in any tongue but the Attic. If perchance she should begin to cough,
4.1.795
she is not to cough so as to expose her tongue to any one in coughing. But if she should pretend as though she had a running at the nose, even then she is not to do so; you yourself must wipe her lips rather than that she should open her mouth before another person. And her mother, the procuress, is not to come in in the middle of the wine,
4.1.800
nor is she to utter a word of abuse to any one; if she does so speak, let this be her fine, to go for twenty days without wine.
4.1.802b
You have written it nicely; a clever agreement.
4.1.803
Then, if she bids her maid-servant carry chaplets, garlands, or unguents, to Venus or to Cupid,
4.1.805
your servant is to watch whether she gives them to Venus or to a man. If perchance she should say she wishes to keep herself in purity, let her account for as many nights as she has kept herself in purity. These are no trifles; for they are no funeral dirge.
4.1.809
The conditions please me entirely; follow me indoors.
4.1.809b
I follow.
4.2.810
Follow this way. Am I to put up with this, or shall I hold my tongue? I would rather die than not discover this to his wife. And say you so, old man? With a mistress would you be acting the part of a youngster? Would you be excusing yourself to your wife, and calling yourself an aged man? Would you be taking the mistress from her lover? And would you be presenting the money
4.2.815
to the procuress, and be secretly pilfering it from your wife at home? You should hang me, rather than you should carry off these matters undiscovered. On my honor, I’ll really go this instant hence to her whom I’m sure that you’ll very soon be destroying, in order that you may be able to supply your extravagance, unless, indeed, she shall first prevent you.
4.2.820
I’m of opinion that thus you must act. ’Tis more becoming that I should disclose this matter, rather than yourself, lest she may think that you, excited by reason of love, rather than for her own sake, have acted thus.
4.2.823b
Why, faith, you say what’s right. Do you then contrive to raise a storm and strife against him,
4.2.825
that he, together with his own son, is carousing with one mistress the livelong day, and that he’s secretly pilfering from her.
4.2.826b
Don’t suggest to me. I’ll take care of that.
4.2.827b
But I’ll wait for you at home.
5.1.828
Come then, father, let’s take our places, please.
5.1.828c
As you bid me, my son, so it shall be.
5.1.829b
Lads, spread the table.
5.1.830
Is it at all displeasing to you, son, if she takes her place by me?
5.1.831
Duty, father, keeps sorrow from my eyes; although I love her, still I can control my feelings, not to take it to heart because she takes her place by you.
5.1.833
It becomes a young man to be respectful, Argyrippus.
5.1.833b
Troth, father, through proper regard for you, I can be so.
5.1.834b
Come, then, let’s enjoy this banquet
5.1.835
with wine and pleasant discourse. I don’t wish to be feared, I prefer myself to be loved by you, my son.
5.1.836b
In truth, I do them both, as is proper for a son.
5.1.837
I’d believe it, if I saw you were cheerful.
5.1.837b
Why, do you think that I’m sorrowful?

Perseus Latin. CTS URN phi0119.phi002.perseus-eng2. Via the Perseus Digital Library / Open Greek and Latin TEI corpora. Licence: Available under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. Source.