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Cicero, Letters to Atticus

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1. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.9.9

   § Att.9.9 CCCLXIII (Att. IX, 9) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) FORMIAE, 17 MARCH: I RECEIVED three letters from you on the 16th of March. They were dated on the 12th, 13th, and 14th. So I will answer each in its order of time. I quite agree with you in thinking Formiae the best of all places for me to stay. I also agree with you about the Upper Sea, and I am very desirous, as I told you in a previous letter, to discover how I may without annoying Caesar avoid taking any part whatever in the conduct of public affairs. You praise me for saying that I put away the memory of my friend's past and his shortcomings. I really do so: nay, I even forget those very injuries inflicted by him upon myself which you mention. So much more influence do I choose gratitude for kindness to have with me, than resentment for injury. Let me act, then, according to your opinion, and summon up all my energies. The fact is, I am philosophizing all the time I am riding about the country, and in the course of my expeditions I never cease meditating on my theses. But some of them are very difficult of solution. As to the Optimates, be it as you will: but you know the proverb, “ Dionysius at Corinth.” The son of Titinius is with Caesar. You seem to have a kind of fear that I do not like your counsels: the fact, however, is that nothing else gives me any pleasure except your advice and your letters. Pray, therefore, keep to your word: do not cease writing to me whatever occurs to you: you can do me no greater favour. I now come to your second. You are quite right to be incredulous about the number of Pompey's men. Clodia just doubled them in her letter. It was all a lie also about disabling the ships. You praise the consuls: so do I as far as their spirit is concerned, but I blame their policy. For by their departure the negotiation for peace was rendered impossible, which I for one was meditating. Accordingly, after this I sent you back Demetrius's book “On Concord,” and gave it to Philotimus. Nor have I any doubt left of a murderous war impending, which will begin with a famine. And yet I am vexed that I am not taking part in such a war! A war in which wickedness is certain to attain such dimensions, that, whereas it is a crime not to support one's parents, our leaders will think themselves entitled to starve to death the supreme and holiest of parents-their country! And this fear is not with me a matter of conjecture: I have heard their actual words. The whole object of collecting this fleet from Alexandria, Colchis, Tyre, Sidon, Aradus, Cyprus, Pamphylia, Lycia, Rhodes, Chios, Byzantium, Lesbos, Zmyrna, Miletus, Cos, is to intercept the supplies of Italy and blockade the corn-growing provinces. Then, again, in what a state of anger will Pompey come! And especially with the very men most anxious for his safety, as though he had been abandoned by those whom he, in fact, abandoned himself. Accordingly, in my state of doubt as to what it is right for me to do, my feeling of obligation to Pompey becomes a very weighty motive: if that feeling were away, it were better in my eyes to perish in my country, than to ruin it in the attempt to save it. About the north wind it is clearly as you say: I am afraid Epirus may be harassed. But what part of Greece do you suppose will not be plundered? For Pompey gives out openly, and demonstrates to his soldiers, that he will outdo Caesar even in his liberality. It is an excellent suggestion of yours that, when I do see Caesar, I should not speak with too much tolerance, but rather with a grave severity. I clearly ought to do so. I am thinking of Arpinum, but not till I have had my meeting with him; thus avoiding being absent when he arrives, or having to hurry backwards and forwards along a detestably bad road. I am told, as you say in your letter, that Bibulus has arrived and started back again on the 14th. You were expecting Philotimus, you say in your third letter. But he only left me on the 15th. That was why you got my letter in reply to yours rather late, though I wrote the answer at once. I agree with what you say about Domitius — he is at Cosa, and no one knows what his design is. Yes, that basest, meanest fellow in the world, who says that a consular election can be held by a praetor, is the same as he always was in constitutional matters. So of course that was what Caesar meant by saying in the letter, of which I sent you a copy, “that he wished to avail himself of my advice, (well, well! that is a mere generality), ”of my popularity" (that's empty flattery — but I suppose he adopts that tone with a view to my influencing certain senatorial votes), “of my position” (perhaps he means my vote as a consular). He finishes up by saying “of my help in every particular.” I had already begun to suspect from your letter that this was the real meaning of it, or something very like it. For it is of great importance to him that there should not be an interregnum: and that he secures, if the consuls are “created” by the praetor. However, it is on record in our augural books that, so far from consuls being legally capable of being created by a praetor, the praetors themselves cannot be so created, and that there is no precedent for it: that it is illegal in case of the consuls, because it is not legal for the greater imperium to be proposed to the people by the less; in case of the praetors, because their names are submitted to the people as colleagues of the consuls, to whom belongs the greater imperium. Before long he will be demanding that my vote in the college should be given, and he won't be content with Galba, Scaevola, Cassius, and Antonius: “Then let the wide earth gape and swallow me” But you see what a storm is impending. Which of the senators have crossed the sea I will tell you when I know for certain. About the corn-supply you are quite right, it cannot possibly be managed without a revenue: and you have good reason for fearing the clamorous demands of Pompey's entourage, and an unnatural war. I should much like to see my friend Trebatius, though, as you say, he is in despair about everything. Pray urge him to make haste and come: for it will be a great convenience to see him before Caesar's arrival. As to the property at Lanuvium, as soon as I heard of Phamea's death, I conceived the wish — provided the constitution was to survive — that some one of my friends should buy it, yet I never thought of you, the greatest of my friends. For I knew that you usually wanted to know how many years' purchase it was worth, and what was the value of the fixtures, and I had seen your digamma not only at Rome, but also at Delos. After all, however, I value it, pretty as it is, at less price than it was valued in the consulship of Marcellinus, when I thought-owing to the house I possessed at that time at Antium — that those little pleasure-grounds would suit me better, and be less expensive, than repairing my Tusculan house. I was then willing to give 500 sestertia for them. I made an offer through a third person, which he refused, when he was putting it up for sale at Antium. But in these days I presume all such properties are gone down in value, owing to the dearness of money. It will suit me exactly, or rather us, if you buy it. But don't be put off by the late owner's follies: it is really a lovely place. However, all such properties appear to me to be now doomed to desolation. I have answered your three letters, but am expecting others. For up to this time it is letters from you that have kept me going. The Liberalia (17th March).

2. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.9.10

   § Att.9.10 CCCLXIV (Att. IX, 10) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) FORMIAE, 18 MARCH: I have nothing to write about: for I have heard no news and I answered all your letters yesterday. But as uneasiness of mind not only deprives me of sleep, but prevents my even keeping awake without extreme pain, I have begun this letter to you — I can't tell what about, and I have no subject to hand — that I may in a manner have a talk with you, the one thing which gives me any repose. I think I have been a fool from the beginning, and the one thing that torments me is that I did not follow Pompey, like any private in the ranks, when, in every part of his policy, he was losing his footing, or rather rushing headlong to ruin. On the 17th of January I could see that he was thoroughly frightened. On that very day I detected his design. From that moment he forfeited my confidence, and never ceased committing one blunder after another. Meanwhile, never a line to me; no thought of anything but flight. Need I say more? As in love affairs men lose all fancy for women who are dirty, stupid, and indelicate, even so, the indecency of his flight and mismanagement put me off from my love for him. For in no respect was he acting in a way to make it proper for me to join his flight. Now love again rises: now my regret for him is more than I can bear: now I can get no good out of books, literature, or philosophy. So earnestly as I gaze across the sea, do I long, like Plato's bird, to fly away. I am being punished, indeed I am, for my rashness. Yet what did that rashness amount to? What have I done without the most anxious consideration? If his only object had been flight, I could have fled with the utmost pleasure, but it was the nature of the war, beyond measure sanguinary and widespread, the future of which men do not yet realize, that I shrank from with horror. What threats to the towns, to individual loyalists personally, to everybody, in fact, who stayed in Rome! How often did I hear" Sulla could do it, why not I?" For myself I was haunted with the reflexions: it was unrighteous of Tarquinius to stir up Porsena and Octavius Mamilius against his country; impious in Coriolanus to seek aid from the Volsci; righteous in Themistocles to prefer death; Hippias, son of Pisistratus, who fell in the battle of Marathon bearing arms against his country, was criminal. But it may be said that Sulla, Marius, and Cinna had right on their side: rather I should perhaps admit that they had a technical justification; yet what could be more cruel and bloody than their use of victory? It was the nature of the war that I shrank from, and the more so because I saw that even bloodier work was being imagined and prepared. I — whom some called the preserver of this city, some its parent — I to bring against it armies of the Getae, Armenians, and Colchians! I to inflict famine on my fellow citizens, devastation upon Italy! Caesar, to begin with, I reflected was mortal, and in the next place might also come to an end in many ways: but the City and our people I thought ought to be preserved, as far as in us lay, for ever: and, after all, I pleased myself by hoping that some accommodation would be reached rather than the one of these men commit such a crime, or the other such an abomination. The matter is now wholly changed, and so are my feelings. The sun, as you said in one of your letters, seems to me to have disappeared from the universe. As in the case of a sick man one says, “While there is life there is hope,” so, as long as Pompey was in Italy, I did not cease to hope. It is the present situation, the present, I say, that has baffled my calculations. And to confess the truth, my age, now after my long day's labour sloping towards an evening of repose, has relaxed my energies by suggesting the charms of family life. But now, however dangerous the experiment of attempting to fly hence, that experiment shall at least be made. I ought, perhaps, to have done so before. But the considerations I have mentioned held me back, and above all things your influence. For when I got to this point in my letter, I unrolled the volume of your letters, which I keep under seal and preserve with the greatest care. Now there were in the letter dated by you the 21st of January the following expression: “But let us first see what Gnaeus is about, and in what direction his plans are drifting. Now, if he does abandon Italy, he will be acting certainly improperly, and, in my opinion, unwisely too. But it will be time enough, when he does that, to make a change in our policy.” This you write on the fourth day after our quitting the city Next on the 23rd of January: “May our friend Gnaeus only not abandon Italy, as he has unwisely done Rome!” On the same day you write a second letter, in which you answer my application for advice in the plainest terms. This is what you say: “To come to the point on which you ask my opinion If Gnaeus quits Italy, I think you should return to the city: for what limit can there be to such a trip abroad as that?” This is what I could not get over: and I now see that attached to a most humiliating flight, which you euphemistically call a “trip abroad,” is an unlimited war. Then follows your prophecy of the 25th of January: “If Pompey remains in Italy, and no terms are come to, I think there will be an unusually long war: but if he abandons Italy, I think that there awaits us in the future a really'truceless' war.” It is in such a war, then, that I am forced to be an abettor-one that is both truceless and with fellow citizens. Again, on the 7th of February, when you had heard more particulars of Pompey's designs, you end a certain letter thus; “For my part, if Pompey quits Italy, I should not advise your doing the same. For you will be running a very great risk and be doing no good to the Republic, to which you may be of some service hereafter if you remain.” What patriot or statesman would not such advice, backed by the weight of wisdom and friendship, have moved? Next, on the 11th of February, you again answer my request for advice thus: “You ask me whether I advise flight, or defend delay, and consider it the better course: for the present, indeed, my opinion is that a sudden departure and hurried start would be, both for yourself and Gnaeus useless and dangerous, and I think it better that you should be separate and each on his own watchtower. But, on my honour, I think it disgraceful for us to be thinking of flight!” This “disgraceful” measure our friend Gnaeus had contemplated two years ago: for so long a time past has his mind been set on playing the Sulla and indulging in proscriptions. Then, as I think, after you had written to me again in somewhat more general terms, and I had taken certain expressions of yours as advising me to leave Italy, you warmly disavow any such meaning on the 19th of February. “I certainly have not indicated in any letter of mine that, if Gnaeus quits Italy, you should do so with him: or, if I did so express myself, I was, I don't say inconsistent, but mad.” In another passage of the same letter you say: “Nothing is left for him but flight, in which I do not think, and never have thought, that you, should share.” This whole question again you discuss in greater detail in a letter of the 22nd of February: “If M. Lepidus and L. Volcatius stay, I think you should stay also: with the understanding, however, that, if Pompey survives and makes a stand anywhere, you should leave this inferno, and be more content to be beaten in the contest along with him, than reign with Caesar in the sink of iniquity which will evidently prevail here.” You adduce many arguments to support this opinion. Then at the end you say: “What if Lepidus and Volcatius depart? In that case I doubt. So I think you must acquiesce in whatever happens and whatever you have done.” If you had felt doubt before, you have now, at any rate, no hesitation, since those two are still in Italy. Again, when the flight had become an accomplished fact, on the 25th of February: “Meanwhile, I feel no doubt you had better remain at Formiae. That will be the most suitable place for waiting to see what turns up.” On the 1st of March, when Pompey had been four days at Brundisium: “We shall be able to deliberate then no longer, it is true, with quite free hands, but certainly less fatally committed than if you had taken the great plunge in his company.” Then on the 4th of March, though writing briefly, because it was the eve of your attack of ague, you yet use this expression: “I will write at greater length tomorrow; however, speaking generally, I will say this — that I do not repent my advice as to your staying, and though with great anxiety, yet, because I think it involves less evil than your starting would do, I abide by my opinion and rejoice that you have stayed.” Moreover, when I was now in great pain, and was fearing that I had been guilty of a base act, on the 5th of March you say: “After all, I am not sorry that you are not with Pompey. Hereafter, if it turns out to be necessary, there will be no difficulty: and at whatever time it takes place, it will be welcome to him. But I speak on the understanding that, if Caesar goes on as he has begun, and acts with sincerity, moderation, and wisdom, I shall have thoroughly to reconsider the position, and to look with greater care into what is for our advantage to do.” On the 9th of March you say that our friend Peducaeus also approves of my having kept quiet; and his opinion has great weight with me. From these expressions in your letters I console myself with the belief that as yet I have done no wrong. Only pray justify your advice. There is no need to do so as far as I am concerned, but I want others to be in the same boat as myself. If I have done nothing wrong in the past, I will maintain the same blamelessness in the future. Only pray continue your exhortation that direction, and assist me by communicating your thoughts. Nothing has as yet been heard here about Caesar's return. For myself, I have got thus much good by writing this letter: I have read through all yours, and have found repose in that.

3. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.9.11

   § Att.9.11 CCCLXVI (Att. IX, 11) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) FORMIAE 20 MARCH: Do you know that our friend Lentulus is at Puteoli? Having been told this by a passer-by, who said that he had recognized him on the Appia upon his partly drawing the curtain of his sedan, though it was in itself probable, I yet sent some servants to Puteoli to inquire and take him a letter. He was discovered with some difficulty, as he was keeping himself concealed in his villa, and he sent me back an answer containing wonderful expressions of gratitude to Caesar; but as to his own plans he said that he had given C. Caecius a message for me. I am expecting him today, that is, the 20th of March. Matius also came to see me on the Quinquatrus (19th of March), a man, by Hercules, as he seemed to me, of moderate and sensible views. Certainly he has always been regarded as a promoter of peace. How strongly he appealed to me to disapprove what, is going on in Italy! How fearful of that inferno, as you call it! In the course of a long conversation I showed him Caesar's letter to me, the one of which I have sent you a copy before, and asked him to explain the sentence in it — “he wished to avail himself of my advice, influence, position, and help in all ways.” He replied that he had no doubt that he wanted my help and my influence for effecting a pacification. I only wish I could effect and carry through some politic move in the present distressing circumstances of the state! For his part, Matius felt confident that that was Caesar's feeling, and promised that he would promote it. However, on the day previous Crassipes had been with me, who said that he had quitted Brundisium on the 6th of March and had left Pompey there: and the same news was brought also by those who quitted that place on the 8th. They one and all, even Crassipes — who is a sensible enough man to take note of what was going on — tell the same story of threatening speeches, alienation from the Optimates, hostility to the municipal towns, undisguised proscriptions — Sullas pure and simple. What things Lucceius says, and the whole posse of Greeks, and Theophanes at their head! And yet there is no hope of safety except in them: and I am keeping my mind on the watch, and passing sleepless nights, and yearning to be with men exactly the opposite of myself, in order to escape the abominations going on here! For there — what crime do you suppose Scipio, Faustus, Libo will stick at, whose creditors are said to be actually arranging to sell them up? What do you suppose they are likely to do to the citizens, if they turn out the winning side? Moreover, what a poltroon our Gnaeus is! They tell me he is thinking of Egypt, Arabia Felix, and Mesopotamia, and has now quite abandoned Spain. The reports are outrageous, but they may possibly be untrue: yet at best all is lost here, and far from safe there. I am beginning to pine for a letter from you. Since our flight there has never been so long a break in them. I send you a copy of my letter to Caesar, by which I think I shall do some good.

4. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.9.12

   § Att.9.12 CCCLXVII (Att. IX, 12) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) FORMIAE, 20 MARCH: I HAD just read your letter on the 20th, when a packet was brought me from Lepta saying that Pompey had been completely invested, that even the channels of the harbour were blocked up with vessels. Upon my honour, tears prevent my thinking of or writing the rest. I send you a copy. What wretches we have been! Why did we not follow his fortunes to the end? Oh, here's the same news from Matius and Trebatius, who have been met by Caesar's letter-bearers at Minturnae. I feel so wracked with misery that I long for an end like that of Mucius. Yet how honourable, how clear is your advice, how thoroughly thought out, in regard to my journey by land as well as by sea, and my meeting and conversation with Caesar! There is honour and caution alike in every word. Your invitation to Epirus, too, how kindly, how courteous, how brotherly it is! I am surprised at Dionysius, who has been treated with greater honour in my family than Panaetius was in Scipio's: yet my unfortunate position has been regarded by him with the foulest contempt. I detest the fellow, and always shall. I only wish I could be even with him! But his own character will be his punishment. Yes, pray, now of all times turn over in your mind what I ought to do. An army of the Roman people is actually surrounding Gnaeus Pompeius: it has inclosed him with foss and palisade; it is preventing his escape. Are we alive? Is our city still intact? Are the praetors presiding in the courts, the aediles making preparations for their games, the Optimates entering their investments, I myself sitting quietly looking on? Am I to make an effort to reach Pompey like a madman? Am I to appeal to the loyalty of the municipal towns? The loyalists won't follow me, the careless will laugh me to scorn, the revolutionists — especially now that they are successful and fully armed — will use main force to me. What is your opinion, then? Have you any advice to give as to how to put an end to this most wretched state of existence? It is now that I feel the pang, the torture — now that some one is found to think me either wise or lucky for not having gone. My feeling is the reverse. For while I was never willing to be the partner of his victory, I should have preferred having been associated with his disaster. Why, then, should I now appeal to your letter, to your wisdom, or your kindness? It is all over. Nothing can help me now: for I have now nothing even to wish for, except to be set free by some merciful stroke of the enemy.

5. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.9.13

   § Att.9.13 CCCLXVIII (Att. IX, 13) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) FORMIAE, 23 MARCH: "'Tis no true tale " — as I think — that about the ships. For in that case what would have been the meaning of Dolabella's words in his letter, dated from Brundisium on the 13th of March, when he mentioned it as a success on the part of Caesar that Pompey was in full retreat, and was going to sail with the first favourable wind? This is quite inconsistent with those letters, of which I have already sent you copies. Here, indeed, they talk of nothing but disaster. But we have no more recent authority, and of this particular fact no better one, than Dolabella. I have received your letter of the 22nd of March, in which you propose to postpone all plans till we know what has happened. Of course that is quite right: and meanwhile it is impossible not merely to settle but even to consider any plan. However, this letter of Dolabella's inclines me to recur to my original ideas. For on the day before the Quinquatrus (18th of March) the weather was splendid, and I suppose he has taken advantage of it. That precis of your advice was not made by me by way of reproach to you, but rather to console myself. For the evils of the time were not causing me so much vexation, as the idea of my having done wrong and acted rashly. I have now got rid of that idea, since my actions and plans coincide with your suggestions. You remark in your letter that it is rather my avowal of Pompey's services, than the actual amount of them, that makes me seem to be under an obligation to him. That is true: I have always magnified them, and the more so that I might prevent his thinking that I remembered his earlier conduct. However much I might remember this, I should yet be bound to follow the example he set at that time. He gave me no aid when he might have done so. True: but afterwards he was my friend, and a very warm one, I don't at all know why. Therefore I too will be his friend. Nay, more, there is this analogy in our two cases, that we have been betrayed by the same people. But oh, that it had been in my power to render him as important a service, as he was able to render me! After all, I am exceedingly grateful for what he did; yet, at the present moment, I neither know how to help him, nor, if I could, should I think I ought to assist him while preparing to engage on such an execrable war. Only I don't wish to hurt his feelings by remaining here. I should neither have the resolution, by Hercules! to watch the events, which you can even now foresee in imagination, nor to take part in those unhappy measures. But I was all the slower to depart, from the difficulty of imagining a voluntary departure when there is no hope of a return. For I see that Caesar is so well equipped with infantry, cavalry, fleets, and Gallic auxiliaries. About these last I suppose Matius was talking big, but he certainly said that 10,000 infantry and 6,000 cavalry promised their services at their own expense for ten years. But grant this to be gasconnade. He certainly has great forces, and he will not merely have the revenue of Italy, but the property of the citizens. Add to this the man's own self-confidence and the weakness of the loyalists, who, in fact, because they think Pompey deservedly enraged with them, have, as you expressed it, become disgusted with the game. Yes, but I could have wished that you had indicated who these men were. The fact is that Caesar, because he has done much less than he threatened, is regarded with affection; while in every direction those who loved Pompey now cease to do so. The municipal towns, in fact, and the Romans living in the country fear Pompey, and are still attached to Caesar. Accordingly, the latter is so well prepared that, even if he proves unable to win a victory, I yet cannot see how he can be beaten himself. For myself, I am not so much afraid of Caesar's sorcery, as of his power of compulsion. “For the requests of tyrants,” as Plato says, “you know, partake of the nature of commands.” I see you don't like a place of residence for me without a port. Neither do I: but the fact is I have there both a means of concealment and a trusty band of followers. If I could have had the same at Brundisium, I should have preferred it. But concealment is impossible there. However, as you say, when we know! I am not very careful to excuse myself to, the loyalists. For what dinners they are giving and attending, according to Sextus's letter to me! How splendid, how early! But let them be as loyalist as they please, they are not more so than we are. I should have cared more for their opinion, if they had shown more courage. I was wrong about Phamea's estate at Lanuvium. I was dreaming of one near Troja. I wanted it for Quintus; but it is too dear. I should, however, have liked to buy that one, if I had seen any prospect of enjoying it. What, frightful news we are reading every day you will understand from the small roll inclosed in this packet. Our friend Lentulus is at Puteoli, distracted with doubt, he too, as Caecius tells me, as to what to do. He is in terror of a contretemps like that at Corfinium. He thinks that he had done his duty to Pompey, and is affected by Caesar's magnanimous treatment, but still more, after all, by the outlook in the future.

6. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.11.13

   § Att.11.13 CCCLXX (Att. XI, 13) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) FORMIAE, 24 MARCH: Can you endure this? It is a lamentable business altogether, but nothing can be more lamentable than this: Pompey has sent N. Magius to negotiate a peace, and yet is being besieged. I could not have believed it, but I have a letter from Balbus, of which I inclose a copy. Read it, I beg of you, and especially the last clause of the excellent Balbus himself, to whom our Gnaeus presented a site for a suburban villa, and whom he often preferred, did he not? to everyone of us! Accordingly, the poor man is in a state of painful anxiety. But to save you the trouble of reading the same thing twice, I refer you to the letter itself. Hope of peace, however, I have none. Dolabella in his letter dated the 15th of March breathes nothing but war. Let us stick, then, to the same resolution, formed in sorrow and despair, since nothing can be more lamentable than this.

7. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.9.14

   § Att.9.14 CCCLXXI (Att. IX, 14) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) FORMIAE, 25 MARCH: I had sent you, on the 24th of March, a copy of a letter from Balbus to me and of Caesar's to him. Lo and behold, on the same day I receive a letter from Q. Pedius, from Capua, telling me that Caesar had written to him on the 14th of March in the following words: “Pompey keeps himself in the town. Our camp is at the gates. We are attempting a difficult operation, and one which will occupy many days, owing to the depth of the sea; but nevertheless it is the best thing for us to do. We are throwing out moles from both headlands at the mouth of the harbour, in order to compel Pompey to take the forces he has at Brundisium across as soon as possible, or to prevent his getting out at all.” Where is the peace, as to which Balbus said that he was in a state of anxiety? Could there be anything more vindictive, more ruthless? Moreover, a certain person told me on good authority that Caesar gives out that he is avenging Cn. Carbo, M. Brutus, and all those on whom Sulla, with Pompey's assistance, had wreaked his cruelty; that Curio was doing nothing under his leadership which Pompey had not done under Sulla's; that he was seeking the restoration of those whose exile had not been inflicted upon them by earlier laws, while Pompey had restored men who had been traitors to their country; that he complained of the violence used to secure Milo's exile, but that, nevertheless, he would harm no one unless he appeared in array against him. This is the story told by a certain Baebius, who left Curio on the 13th, a man who is not without some sense, but yet not capable of inventing this out of his own head. I am quite at a loss what to do. From Brundisium, indeed, I suppose Pompey has already started. Whatever has happened, we shall know in two days. I haven't a line from you, not even by Anteros. No wonder: for what is there for us to write about? Nevertheless, I don't omit a single day. P.S — After this letter was written, I got a letter from Lepta before daybreak dated from Capua on the 15th of March. Pompey has embarked from Brundisium, but Caesar will be at Capua on the 26th of March.

8. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.9.15

   § Att.9.15 CCCLXXII (Att. IX, 15) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) FORMIAE, 25 MARCH: AFTER I had despatched the letter informing you that Caesar would be at Capua on the 26th, I received one from Capua saying that he would be in Curio's Alban villa on the 28th. When I have seen him I shall go to Arpinum. If he grants me the indulgence I ask for, I shall avail myself of his terms: if not, I shall take my own line without consulting anyone but myself. Caesar, as he has informed me, has stationed a legion at Brundisium, Tarentum, and Sipontum respectively. He appears to me to be closing up exits by sea, and yet himself to have his eyes on Greece rather than on Spain. But these considerations are still remote. For the present I am at once excited by the idea of meeting him (and that is now close at hand), and alarmed as to his first political steps. For he will, I presume, want a decree of the senate, and also a decree of the augurs: we shall be hurried off to Rome or molested, if we hold aloof, with a view of either the praetor holding an election of consuls or naming a dictator, neither of which is constitutional. Although, if Sulla was able to secure being named dictator by an interrex, why should he not be able to do so? I see no way out of it, except either meeting the fate of Q. Mucius from the one, or of L. Scipio from the other. By the time you read this, I shall perhaps have had my interview with him. “Endure! still worse a fate” — no, not even my own old misfortune! In that case there was a hope of a speedy return, there was universal remonstrance. In the present instance I am eager to quit the country, with what hope of return I cannot ever conceive. Again, not only is there no remonstrance on the part of townsmen and countryfolk, but, on the contrary, they are actually afraid of Pompey as bloodthirsty and enraged. Nevertheless, nothing makes me more wretched than to have stayed here, and there is nothing that I more earnestly desire than to fly away, not so much to share in a war as in a flight. But you were for putting off all plans until such time as we knew what had happened at Brundisium. Well, we now know: but we are as undecided as ever. For I can scarcely hope that he will grant me this indulgence; although I have many fair pleas for obtaining it. However, I will at once send you a verbatim report of everything he says to me and I to him. Pray strive with all the affection you have for me to assist me by your caution and wisdom. Caesar is travelling hither at such a pace, that I am unable to have an interview even with Titus Rebilus, apparently, that he will go to Pompey, but he doesn't want to say so clearly. as I had settled upon doing. I have to conduct the whole business without preparation. Yet, as the hero in the Odyssey says: “Some my own heart, and some will God suggest.” Whatever I do you shall know promptly. The demands of Caesar sent to Pompey and the consuls, for which you ask, I do not possess: nor did Lucius Caesar bring them in writing. I sent you at the time an account from which you might gather what the demands were. Philippus is at Naples, Lentulus at Puteoli. As to Domitius, continue your inquiries as to where he is, and what he contemplates doing. You say that I have written more bitterly about Dionysius than suits my character. See what an old-fashioned man I am! I thought, upon my honour, that you would be annoyed at this affair more than I was myself. For, besides the fact that I think you ought to be moved by an injury done me by anyone, this man has also in a certain sense outraged yourself in having behaved badly to me. But what account you should take of this it is for you to judge. However, in this matter I don't wish to lay any burden upon you. For my part, I always thought him half cracked, now I think him a scoundrel and a good-for-nothing besides: and yet, after all, not a worse enemy to me than to himself. What you said to Philargyrus was quite right: you certainly have a clear and good case in proving that I had been abandoned rather than had abandoned. When I had already despatched my letter on the 25th, the servants whom I had sent with Matius and Trebatius brought me a letter, of which this is a copy: “MATIUS AND TREBATIUS TO CICERO IMPERATOR: After leaving Capua we heard, while on the road, that Pompey, with all the forces he had, started from Brundisium on the 15th of March: that Caesar next day entered the town, made a speech, hurried thence for Rome, intending to be at the city before the 1st of April and to remain there a few days, and then to start for Spain. We thought it the proper thing to do, since we were assured of Caesar's approach, to send your servants back to you, that you might be informed of it as early as possible. We do not forget your charges, and we will carry them out as circumstances shall demand. Trebatius is making great exertions to reach you before Caesar. After this letter had been written we received tidings that Caesar would stop at Beneventum on the 25th of March, at Capua on the 26th, at Sinuessa on the 27th. We think you may depend on this.

9. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.9.16

   § Att.9.16 CCCLXXIII (Att. IX, 16) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) FORMIAE, 26 MARCH: Though I have nothing to write to you about, yet I send you this that I may not omit a single day. On the 27th it is announced that Caesar will stop at Sinuessa. I received a letter from him on the 26th, in which he now talks of looking forward to my ”resources," not my “aid,” as in his former letter. I had written to compliment him on the moderation of his conduct at Corfinium, and he answered me as follows: “CAESAR IMPERATOR TO CICERO IMPERATOR: You judge me quite accurately — for my character is well known to you — when you say that nothing is more remote from my disposition than cruelty. For myself, as I take great delight in this policy for its own sake, so your approval of my action gives me a triumphant feeling of gladness. Nor am I shaken by the fact that those, who were allowed to go free by me, are said to have departed with the intention of renewing the war against me: for there is nothing I like better than that I should be what I am, they what they are. I should be much obliged if you would meet me at the city, that I may, as ever, avail myself in all matters of your counsels and resources. Let me assure you that nothing gives me more pleasure than the presence of your son-in-law Dolabella. This additional favour I shall owe to him: for it will be impossible for him to act otherwise, considering his great kindness, his feeling, and his cordial goodwill towards myself.”

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    § Att.9.17 CCCLXXIV (Att. IX, 17) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) FORMIAE, 27 MARCH: I am expecting Trebatius on the 27th, the day I write this letter. From his report and the letter from Matius I shall consider what line to take in my conversation with Caesar. What an unfortunate crisis! I feel no doubt that he will urge me to come to the city. For he ordered a notice to be put up at Formiae, among other places, that he desired a full meeting of the senate on the 1st. Well, then, ought I to refuse him? But why anticipate? I will write you word at once of all that occurs. I will judge from what he says whether I am to go to Arpinum or elsewhere. I want to give my son his toga virilis. I think of doing it there. Pray consider what should be my next step, for troubles have made me stupid. I should like to know from Curius whether you have received any news of Tiro. For to me Tiro has himself written in such a tone as to alarm me about his health. Those, too, who come from those parts report that he is in a critical condition. This anxiety, in the midst of my other great ones, gives me much uneasiness: for in my present position his services, as well as his fidelity, would have been of great advantage.

11. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.9.18

    § Att.9.18 CCCLXXV (Att. IX, 18) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ARPINUM 29 MARCH: I followed your advice in both particulars: for I spoke in such a manner as rather to gain his respect than his thanks, and I stuck to the resolution of not going to Rome. I found myself mistaken in one respect — in thinking that he would be easily satisfied. I never saw anything less so. He kept remarking that he was condemned by my decision, that the rest would be the slower to come, if I did not do so. I remarked that their case was unlike mine. After much discussion he said, “Come, then, and discuss the question of peace.”. " At my own discretion?" said I. “Am I to prescribe to you?” said he. “My motion will be this,” said I, “that the senate disapproves of any going to Spain or taking armies across to Greece, and,” I added, “I shall make many regretful marks as to Gnaeus.” Thereupon he said, “Of course, I don't wish such things said.” “So I supposed,” said I, “but I must decline being present there, because I must either speak in this sense, and say many things which I could not possibly pass over, if present, or I must not come at all.” The upshot was that, by way of ending the discussion, he requested that I would think it over. I couldn't say no to that. So we parted. I feel certain, therefore, that he has no love for me. But I felt warm satisfaction with myself, which hasn't been the case for some time past. For the rest, good heavens! What a crew! What an inferno! to use your word.. What a gang of bankrupts and desperadoes! What is one to say of a son of Servius, a son of Tullus having been in the camp by which Pompey was besieged? Six legions! He is extra-ordinarily vigilant, extraordinarily bold: I see no limit to the mischief. Now, at any rate, it is time for you to bring out your counsels. This is where you drew the line. Yet his closing remark in our interview, which I had almost forgotten to mention, was very offensive, that “if he was not allowed to avail himself of my counsels, he would avail himself of such as he could, and would scruple at nothing.” “So you have seen with your own eyes,” say you, “that the man is such as you described him to be. Did it cost you a sigh?” Yes, indeed. “Tell me the rest.” Well, he went straight off to his villa at Pedum, I to Arpinum. Next I await the “twittering swallow” — to which you refer. “Come,” you will say, “don't cry over spilt milk: even the leader himself, whom we are following, has made many mistakes.” But I wait for a letter from you. For you can't say, as in former ones, “Let us see how this turns out.” The final test was to be our meeting, and in that I feel certain I have offended him. All the more prompt must be my next step. Pray send me a packet, and full of politics! I am very anxious for a letter from you.

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    § Att.9.19 CCCLXXVI (Att. IX, 19) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ARPINUM, 1 APRIL: BEING debarred from Rome, I gave my son his toga virilis at Arpinum in preference to any other place, and my fellow townsmen were gratified at the compliment: though I observed everywhere that both they and others whom I passed in my journey were in low spirits and much dejected. So melancholy and shocking is the contemplation of this tremendous disaster. Levies are being held, the men are being drafted into winter quarters. These are measures which, even when taken by loyal citizens at a time of regular war and with due consideration, are yet in themselves a source of annoyance — how unpopular do you suppose they are in the present instance, when they are being carried out by men of reckless character, in an abominable civil war, and in the most offensive manner? Don't imagine that there is a single scoundrel in Italy who is not to be found among them. I saw them en masse at Formiae. I never, by Hercules! believed them to be human beings, and I knew them all: but I had never seen them collected in one place. Let us go, then, whither we have resolved to go, and leave all that is ours behind us. Let us start to join him, to whom our arrival will give greater satisfaction than if we had been together from the first. For at that time we were in the highest hopes, now I, at any rate, have none; nor has anyone except myself left Italy, unless he regarded Caesar as his personal enemy. Nor, by Hercules! do I do this for the sake of the Republic, which I regard as completely abolished: but to prevent anyone thinking me ungrateful to the man, who relieved me from the miseries which he had himself inflicted upon me: and at the same time because I cannot endure the sight of what is happening, or of what is certain to happen. Why, I believe that by this time some decrees of the senate have been passed, I hope they may be in the sense of Volcatius's proposal. But what does it matter? Everyone's opinion is the same. But Servius will be the most implacable of all, for he has sent his son with Pontius Titinianus to crush, or at any rate to capture, Gnaeus Pompeius. Yet the latter acts from a motive of fear: but the former? But let us cease showing temper, and let us at last thoroughly realize that we have nothing left, except what I could least have wished-life. As for us, since the Upper Sea is beset, we will sail by the Lower, and if it turns out to be difficult to start from Puteoli, we will make for Croton or Thurii, and like good citizens, devoted to our country, we will play the pirate. I don't see any other way of carrying on this war. We will go to Egypt and ensconce ourselves there. We cannot possibly be his match on land: of peace there is no assurance. But enough of these lamentations. Pray give a letter to Cephalio on everything that has been done, and even about what men say, unless they have become entirely tongue-tied. I have followed your advice, and especially in the fact that, in my interview with him, I both maintained my proper dignity and stuck to my refusal to go to Rome. As to the rest, pray write to me with the most particular care — for by this time the worst has come to the worst — what course you approve, and what your opinion is. There can, of course, be now no hesitation: still, if anything does occur to you, or rather whatever occurs to you, pray write me word.

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    § Att.10.1 CCCLXXVII (Att. X, 1) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) LATERIUM, 3 APRIL: Having arrived at my brother's house at Laterium on the 3rd of April, I received your letter and felt a moment of relief — a thing that hadn't happened to me since these disasters. For I value very highly your approval of my firmness of mind and my course of action. As your announcement that our friend Sextus also approves, the joy that that gives me is as though I imagined myself to be receiving the approbation of his father, for whom I always had a peculiar and special regard. It was he, as I am often accustomed to recall, who, in old times, on the famous 5th of December, when I said, “What to do then, Sextus?” answered me by quoting: “Ah, not a coward's death, nor shorn of fame, But after some high deed to live for aye.” His influence, therefore, is still living for me, and his son, who is extremely like him, has the same importance in my eyes as he once had. Pray give him my very kindest regards. You certainly defer giving advice, though not to a very distant date; for I imagine by this time that that suborned peacemaker has had his say, and that some decision has been arrived at in the convention of senators — for I don't consider it a senate-nevertheless, you do keep one in suspense as to what it is to be, yet the less so because I feel no hesitation as to what we ought to do. For when you write word that a legion and Sicily are being offered to Flavius, and that that business is already being carried out, what crimes must you think are partly being actually proposed and meditated, partly will crop up in the future? I, for my part, shall disregard the law of Solon — your countryman, and presently, I think, to be mine — who punished by disfranchisement the man who, in a case of civil disturbance, took neither side. Unless you think otherwise, I shall hold aloof both from the one and the other. But one of the two courses is more decidedly resolved upon in my mind, and yet I will not anticipate. I shall await your advice and the letter (unless you have by this time sent another) which I asked you to deliver to Cephalio. You say, not because you have heard it from anyone else, but because it is your personal belief, that I shall be drawn into any negotiation there may be about peace. I have no idea at all of any negotiation for peace being possible, since it is Caesar's most fixed determination, if he can, to strip Pompey of his army and province, unless, perchance, that well-paid friend of yours can persuade him to keep quiet long enough to allow commissioners to go and return. I see nothing to hope for or to think of as possible. Nevertheless, this is itself a point for an honest man to consider: it is important and among the problems of l'haute politique — whether one ought to appear at the council-board of a tyrant, if he is going to discuss some subject good in itself. Wherefore, if anything should turn up of a sort to lead to my being summoned — which for my part does not give me any anxiety, for I have said what I intended saying about peace, and Caesar himself emphatically repudiated it — but if anything should turn up, write and tell me in any case what you think I ought to do. For nothing has as yet occurred to me requiring more deliberation. I rejoice that you are pleased with the words of Trebatius, a good man and a good citizen; and your own frequent exclamation of “excellent” has been the one thing up to now that has given me pleasure. I am looking eagerly for a letter from you which, indeed, I feel sure is already on its way. You, along with Sextus, have maintained the same dignified resolve as you enjoin upon me. Your friend Celer is rather a man of learning than of good sense. What Tullia has told you about our young men is true. What you mention in your letter does not appear to me to be so formidable in fact as in sound. It is this state of distraction in which we now are that is a kind of death. I had two alternatives before me — either to continue active political life among the disloyal with freedom of action, or to side with the loyalists at whatever risk. Let me either follow the fool-hardy counsels of the loyalists, or attack the reckless measures of the disloyal. Either is dangerous: but what I am now doing is discreditable and yet not safe. I think that your friend who sent his son to Brundisium to negotiate a peace (I am quite of your opinion as to peace, that it is a palpable pretence, and that war is being prepared with the utmost energy) will be commissioned, not myself; of which as yet no word, to my great relief, has been said. I therefore think it the less necessary to write, or even to consider what I should do, if I should happen to be commissioned.

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    § Att.10.2 CCCLXXVIII (Att. X, 2) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ARCANUM, 6 APRIL: HAVING received your letter on the 5th of April, which Cephalio brought, and intending to stop the next day at Minturnae meaning to start back thence at once, I broke my journey at my brother's house at Arcanum, in order that, until I got more certain intelligence, I might be in a more retired place, and yet all the preparations should go on which do not require my presence. The “twitterer” is now here, and I am all eagerness to be gone; and yet I have no idea of destination or route. But these points I and those who understand such things will have to settle. Yet pray, to the best of your power, continue to aid us as before with your advice. Things are in an impossible tangle. Everything has to be left to chance. We are struggling along without any hope. If anything better turns up, it will be a surprise. I would rather Dionysius, of whom Tullia has written me word, had not set out to join me. The truth is that it is not a suitable time, nor do I wish that my discomforts — especially considering their gravity — should furnish a spectacle to a man who is not my friend, and I don't want you to be at enmity with him on my account.

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    § Att.10.3 CCCLXXIX (Att. X, 3) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ARCANUM, 7 APRIL: THOUGH I have absolutely nothing to write about, yet there are these remaining points which I want to know-whether Caesar has started; in what position he has left the city; in Italy itself, whom he has placed at the head of each region or department of business; and who were sent to Pompey and the consuls as peace commissioners, in accordance with the decree of the senate? So to ascertain these facts I make a point of sending this letter to you. You will be doing me, therefore, a great service, and one I shall be grateful for, if you will inform me on these points and any other that it is necessary to know. I shall stay in Arcanum until I get the information.

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    § Att.10.4 CCCLXXXI (Att. X, 4) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 14 APRIL: I have received a large number of letters from you on the same day, all carefully written; one, however, which amounts to a volume, deserving to be read again and again, as I am doing. The labour of writing it was not thrown away, and I am excessively obliged to you. Wherefore, as long as circumstances allow of it, that is, as long as you know where I am, I earnestly beg of you to repeat the experiment as often as possible. Yes, indeed: let there be once for all an end, if possible, to these daily lamentations, or at any rate some sort of restraint in them, which at least is possible. For it is not now the rank, the honours, or the position in life which I have lost that I am thinking of; but what I have actually attained to, the services I have performed, the reputation in which I have lived: in fine, the difference, even in these disastrous circumstances, between myself and those through whom I have lost all. These are the men who thought that, without expelling me from the state, they could not maintain the free gratification of their desires; and you see to what this close alliance and unprincipled coalition of theirs has come! The one leader is in a fever of mad fury and crime: there is no slackening with him: his hand grows heavier every day. Not long ago. he expelled Pompey from Italy. Now on one side of the empire he is for pursuing him, on the other for stripping him of his province. He no longer refuses, he even in a sense demands, to have the title of tyrant, as he already is one in fact. The other — the man who once upon a time did not so much as raise me up when I threw myself at his feet — the man who said he could do nothing against Caesar's wish — having evaded the hand and sword of his father-in-law, is now preparing war by land and sea: not an unjust one on his part indeed, but both righteous and even necessary, but yet one fatal to his fellow citizens unless he prove victorious, fraught with disaster even if he is victorious. Not only do I not rate the achievements of these supreme commanders as superior to my own: I do not even consider that their present position is any better, though they seem to be in a very brilliant one, and I to be struggling with a harder fate. For who can be happy who has caused either the abandonment or the invasion of his country? And if, as you remind me, I was right in saying in these books that the only good was virtue, the only evil vice, certainly both those men are in the highest degree miserable, for to both the safety and dignity of their country have always been subordinate to their own power and their private advantage. I am therefore sustained by the purity of my conscience, when I reflect that I either performed the most eminent services to the state, when I had the power, or at least never harboured any but loyal thoughts; and that the republic has been wrecked by precisely the storm which I foresaw fourteen years ago. With such feelings, then, as my companions, shall I set out, not indeed without a bitter pang, and that, not so much for my own or my brother's sake (for our life is practically over) as for our sons, for whom at times it seems to me that we were bound to have secured, among other things, the integrity of the constitution. Of them the one, because he is not after all more dutiful than he is, gives me extraordinary pain: while the other — Oh dear Oh dear! it is the keenest sorrow of my life — corrupted no doubt by our system of indulgence, has gone very far, to a point indeed which I do not venture to describe. I am expecting, too, a letter from you: for you said that you would write at greater length when you had seen the young man himself. All my indulgent conduct to him has been accompanied with considerable strictness, and it is not one only or a small peccadillo of his that I have come down upon, but many and very serious ones; his father's gentleness to him also ought to have secured his affection, rather than such unfeeling disrespect. The fact is that his writing to Caesar caused us such serious annoyance, that, while we concealed it from you, we yet, I think, made his own life unpleasant. This recent journey of his, however, and his pretence of loyalty to us I do not venture to characterize. I only know that after visiting Hirtius he was invited to an interview by Caesar, that he talked to him about my feeling as being entirely opposed to his own views, and of my design of quitting Italy. Even this I do not write with confidence. Well, it is not my fault, it is his natural disposition that must cause us alarm. It was this that corrupted Curio and the son of Hortensius, not their fathers' fault. My brother is prostrate with grief, and is not so much afraid for his own life as for mine. To this misery pray, pray, bring any consolations that you can; above all I should prefer one — the assurance that the story told us is false or exaggerated. If it is true, I don't see what is to happen in our present state of life, when we are practically exiles. For if the Republic had still had any existence, I should have been at no loss what to do either by way of severity or indulgence. Whether it is the influence of anger, or pain, or fear, I have written this in a tone of greater severity than either your affection for him or mine would seem to warrant. If it is true, you must pardon me: if false, I shall be only too glad to be relieved of my mistake by you. But whatever the truth of the matter may be, you must not attribute any blame to his uncle or father. I had written so far when a message was brought from Curio's house that he was coming to call on me. He had arrived at his Cuman villa yesterday, that is, the 13th. If his conversation, therefore, furnishes me with any subject worth writing to you, I will append it to this letter. Curio passed by my villa and sent me a message to say that he was coming presently, and hurried on to Puteoli to make a public speech there. He made his speech, returned, and paid me a very long visit. Monstrous! You know our friend: he made no concealments. To begin with, he said that it was absolutely certain that all who had been condemned under the lex Pompeia were being recalled, and that accordingly he would avail himself of their services in Sicily. As to the Spains, he had no doubt about their being Caesar's; and from them Caesar would himself march with an army wherever Pompey was: that an end would be put to the whole mischief by the latter's death: that in an access of anger Caesar had really wished the tribune Metellus to be killed, and that it was within an ace of being done: if it had been done, there would have followed a serious massacre: that a great many people advised one: that Caesar himself was not by taste or nature averse from bloodshed, but thought clemency would win him popularity: if, however, he once lost the affection of the people, he would be cruel: he was, again, much disturbed by finding that he had caused ill-feeling among the populace itself by taking the treasury, and therefore that, though he had quite made up his mind to address the people before leaving Rome, he had not ventured to do so, and had started with very disturbed feelings. When again I asked what he saw in the future, what final result, and what sort of a constitution, he openly confessed that there was no hope left. He expressed fear of Pompey's fleet, and said that, if it put out to sea, he should abandon Sicily. “What is the meaning of your lictors?” said I. " If derived from the senate, why laurelled? If from Caesar, why six?" “I wanted,” said he, “to get my authority from a decree of the senate, though by a snatch vote, for it could not be done otherwise. But Caesar now dislikes the senate much more than ever.'Everything,' he says,'will in future come from me.”' “But why six? ” “Because I did not want twelve; I might have had them.” Then I said, “How I wish I had asked him for what I hear Philippus has succeeded in getting! But I was afraid to senate, because his enemies put up the tribune L. Caecilius Metellus to veto every proposal I ask, as I had made no concession to him.” “He would have gladly given you leave,” said he: “indeed, consider that you have obtained it; for I will write and tell him, exactly as you like, that we have spoken on the subject. What does it matter to him, since you do not attend the senate, where you are? Nay, at this very moment you would not have damaged his cause in the least by having quitted Italy.” In answer to this I said that I was looking out for some retired and solitary spot, chiefly because I still had lictors. He commended my design. “What do you say to this, then?” said I. “My course to Greece lies through your province, since the coast of the Mare Superum is guarded by troops.” “Nothing I should like better,” said he. On this subject he spoke at great length and in a very courteous tone. So then I have gained this much, that I can sail not only in safety, but even without concealment. All other subjects of discussion he put off till the next day; and, if any of them seem worth a letter, I will write and tell you. But there are some things which I omitted to ask him: whether Caesar intended to wait for an interregnum, or what he meant by saying, as he did, that he was offered the consulship, but refused it for the next year. And there are other points on which I will question him. To crown all he swore — as he usually makes no difficulty of doing — that Caesar must be very fond of me. “Why, what,” continued he, “did Dolabella write to me?” “Pray tell me what.” He then declared that Dolabella had written to say that, for having desired me to come to the city, Caesar had thanked him warmly, and not only expressed approbation, but joy. In short, I was relieved. For the suspicion of domestic treachery and of the conversation with Hirtius was removed. How I long for young Quintus to be worthy of us, and how I encourage myself to believe what is in his favour! But need he have visited Hirtius? There is, no doubt, some motive or other; but I would wish it as slight as possible. And, after all, I am surprised at his not yet having returned. But we shall see about all this. Please put the Oppii at Terentia's service. For that is the only danger in the city now. For myself, however, give me the benefit of your advice, as to whether I should go to Rhegium by land, or start straight from this place on board ship, and on other points; for I am still staying here. I shall have something to write to you about as soon as I have seen Curio again. Pray be as careful as ever to let me know how Tiro is.

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    § Att.10.5 CCCLXXXIII (Att. X, 5) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 16 APRIL: ABOUT my plans as a whole I have written to you, I think, before in sufficient detail. About the day of my departure I can state nothing for certain, except this: not before the new moon. Curio's conversation on the second day's inter-view amounted to much the same, except that he indicated still more candidly that he did not see what was to be the end of the business. As to your charge to me to control Quintus...'tis a case of asking for Arcadia. However, I will omit nothing. And would that you — but I will not be over troublesome. I at once forwarded the packet to Vestorius, and, indeed, he was always asking for it. Vettienus was more obliging in what he said to you than in what he had written to me. But I cannot wonder enough at the man's carelessness. For Philotimus having told me that he could buy that lodge of Canuleius for 50 sestertia, and could get it for even less, if I asked Vettienus to act, I did ask the latter to obtain a deduction from that sum if he could. He promised to do so. He told me that he had bought it for 30 sestertia, and asked me to let him know to whom I wished it conveyed; saying that the day for payment was the 13th of November. I wrote back somewhat crossly, and yet with a familiar jest. For the present, as he is acting handsomely, I refrain from finding any fault with the man, and I have written to tell him that you have given me full information. Pray let me know about your journey, what you are thinking of doing, and when. 16 April.

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    § Att.10.6 CCCLXXXV (Att. X, 6) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE APRIL (BEFORE THE 27TH) UP to this time the only thing stopping me is the weather. I am not going in for any sharp practice. Let what will happen in Spain, nevertheless my decision stands-partons! I have explained all my ideas to you in a previous letter. Therefore this is a short one, as also because I am in haste and more busy than usual. As to young Quintus, “I am doing my best” — you know the rest. Your next piece of advice is at once friendly and wise: but everything else will be plain sailing, if I only keep on my guard against him. It is no easy task: there are many perplexing traits in his character: no simplicity, no straightforwardness. I could wish that you.had undertaken the management of the young man. For his father is too indulgent: whenever I tighten the rein, he slackens it again. If I had been able to act without his father, I should have controlled him: and this you can do. But I excuse you: it is, I say, no light task. I regard it as certain that Pompey is going through Illyricum into Gaul. By what route and whither I am to go now, I shall consider.

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    § Att.10.7 CCCLXXXVII (Att. X, 7) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE (LATE IN APRIL) YES, I quite approve of your staying in Apulia and Sipontum, and of your avoiding committing yourself; and I do not think your case is on all fours with mine. Not but that in regard to the constitution the right course is the same for us both — but there is now no question of the constitution. It is a contest of rival kings, in which the more moderate king, and the more virtuous and clean-handed of the two, has been defeated, the one, too, whose defeat involves the necessary destruction of the very name of the Roman people: while, if he does conquer, he will use his victory after the manner and precedent of Sulla. Therefore in this quarrel you must not openly profess adherence to either side, and must wait on events. My position, however, is different, because, being under the bond of an obligation, I cannot show myself ungrateful, and yet do not meditate being at the seat of war, but at Malta or some similar retired place. “Do you do nothing to help the man,” you will say, “to whom you do not wish to be ungrateful?” Nay, I think he would perhaps have been glad if I had done less. But as to this we shall see. Let me only get out of the country, and I have a better opportunity of doing so now that Dolabella is on the Adriatic, Curio in the Sicilian straits. However, I have had a certain revival of hope from the fact that Servius Sulpicius wishes an interview with me. I have sent my freedman Philotimus with a letter to him: if he chooses to play the man, we shall have a notable tete-a-tete: otherwise... I shall be the same as ever. Curio has been staying with me: his idea is that Caesar is in low water from having offended the multitude: and he was nervous about going to Sicily, if Pompey should begin naval operations. I gave it to young Quintus when he returned! I perceive that it was a piece of avarice on his part, and a hope of a large bounty. This is a serious evil enough, but the crime which I feared I hope he did not commit. However, I think you are convinced that this vice has not arisen from my indulgence, but from his natural disposition: still I will school and control him. As to the Oppii of Velia, please consult with Philotimus, and arrange as you think proper. I shall look on Epirus as at my service, but I seem destined to quite a different voyage.

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    § Att.10.8 CCCXCI (Att. X, 8) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 2 MAY: THE state of affairs itself, as well as your remark and my own observation, make it clear that the time has come to put an end to our correspondence on subjects which it would be dangerous to have intercepted. But as my dear Tullia keeps writing to me begging me to wait and see how things go in Spain, and always adds that this is your opinion also, and since I have gathered this also from your own letter, I do not think it out of place to write and tell you what I think on that point. This advice of yours would be prudent, as it seems to me, only if I intended to shape my course of policy in accordance with the result of the Spanish affair, which is impossible. For it is inevitable either that Caesar — what I should like best — is driven from Spain, or that the campaign there will be a protracted one, or (as he seems to feel certain) that he gets Spain into his hands. If he is driven out, how can I then join Pompey with any grace or honour, when I should think even Curio himself would desert to him? If, again, the war is protracted, what am I to wait for, and how long? The only alternative is, if we are beaten in Spain, to keep quiet. My view is quite the other way. For I think myself more bound to abandon Caesar when he is victorious than when he is beaten, and not more when his success is still uncertain, than when he is quite sure of it. For, if Caesar conquers, I foresee massacre, an attack on private wealth, a recall of exiles, repudiation of debts, promotion to office of the lowest dregs, and a despotism intolerable, I don't say to any Roman, but even to a Persian. Will it be possible for my indignation to remain silent? Will my eyes be able to endure the sight of myself delivering my vote by the side of Gabinius — or, in fact, of his being called on before me? Of your client Sext. Clodius in attendance? Of C. Ateius's client Plaguleius? And so on with the whole list. But why collect the names of my opponents, when I shall be unable to see in the senate-house without pain my friends whom I have defended, or to associate with them without dishonour. Nay, what if I am not even sure that I shall be allowed to come? His friends write me word that he is by no means satisfied with my conduct in not having appeared in the senate. Am I, nevertheless, to think about making advances to him with a risk to myself, after refusing to be united to him when it was to my advantage? Besides, observe that the decision of the whole controversy does not depend on Spain, unless you really think that Pompey will throw down his arms if that is lost! On the contrary, his view is entirely that of Themistocles: for he holds that the master of the sea must inevitably be master of the empire. Accordingly, his object has never been to retain Spain for its own sake: the equipment of a fleet has always been his first care. He will take to the sea, therefore, as soon as the season permits, with an enormous fleet, and will approach the shores of Italy: and what then will be our position who remain there doing nothing? It will be impossible for us to be any longer neutral. Shall we resist the fleet then? What could be a greater crime, or even so great? In fact, what could be more ignominious? I did not shrink from opposing Caesar when I was isolated: shall I do so now with the support of Pompey and the rest of the nobles? If, however, putting the question of duty aside, I must take account of danger: it is, if I do wrong, that there is danger from these last, from him, if I do right: nor in such miserable circumstances can any policy be discovered so free from danger, as to make me doubt that I should shun doing disgracefully, when it is dangerous, what I should have shunned doing, even had it been safe. “Not if I had crossed the sea along with Pompey?” That was impossible in any case: you have only to count the days. But all the same — for let me confess the truth (I do not even attempt concealment), supposing it possible — I was mistaken in a point in which, perhaps, I ought not to have been mistaken: I thought that there would be a reconciliation, and in that case I did not want to have Caesar incensed with me, while he was friends with Pompey. For I had learnt to see how exactly alike they were. It was from dread of this that I drifted into this waiting policy. But now I have everything to gain by hastening, everything to lose by delay. And, nevertheless, my dear Atticus, there are auguries also which incite me to action with a certain hope, and no doubtful one, auguries not such as our college derives from Attus, hut those of Plato on tyrants. For I see clearly that he can by no possibility keep his position much longer without bringing on his own collapse, even though we do not exert ourselves: seeing that at the very heyday of his success, and with the charm of novelty upon him, in six or seven days, he brought upon himself the bitterest hatred even of that needy and reckless city rabble itself and had to drop so quickly two of his assumptions — of clemency in the case of Metellus, of wealth in the matter of the treasury. Of what sort, again, will he find his confederates or subordinates, whichever you please to call them, if those are to rule provinces, of whom not one could manage his own estate two months? I need not enumerate all the points, which no one sees more clearly than yourself. Still, put them before your eyes: you will at once understand that this despotism can scarcely last six months. If I turn out to be mistaken in this, I will bear it, as many most illustrious men, eminent in the state, have borne it, unless you should actually think that I prefer the fate of Sardanapalus — to die in his own bed, rather than in an exile, as was the fate of Themistocles: who though he had been — in the words of Thucydides — " the best judge on the shortest reflexion of the question of the moment, and, in regard to the future, by much the shrewdest at conjecturing what was to happen," yet fell into misfortunes which he would have avoided, if nothing had ever escaped him. Though he was a man, as the same writer says, “who, however obscure the subject, saw the better and the worse course more clearly than anyone, yet did not see how to avoid the jealousy of the Lacedemonians, nor of his own fellow citizens, nor what promise to make to Artaxerxes. Nor would that night have been so fatal to Africanus, nor that day of Sulla's triumph so disastrous to Gaius Marius, the craftiest of men, if neither of them had ever been mistaken. However, I encourage myself by that prophetic utterance (of Plato ) which I mentioned. I am not deceived about it, nor will it happen otherwise. Fall he must, either by the hands of his opponents or by his own, who, indeed, is his own most dangerous enemy. I only hope it may happen while we are still alive. Yet it is time for us to be thinking of that continuous life of the future, not of this brief span of our own. But if anything happens to me before that occurs, it will not have made much difference to me whether I live to see it, or have seen it long before. That being so, I must not allow myself to submit to men, against whom the senate armed me with authority ”to see that the Republic took no harm." All my interests have been confided to you, though they need no recommendation of mine, considering your affection for me. Nor, by Hercules, can I hit upon anything to write: for I am sitting waiting “sailing orders.” Yet I never felt more bound to tell you anything than that none of all the delightful services you have done has been more grateful to my feelings, than your most delicate and careful attentions to my Tullia. She has herself been exceedingly charmed with them — as I have been no less. What high qualities she has shown! How admirably she faces the public disaster! How admirably her domestic difficulties! What spirit she has displayed in the matter of my departure! She loves me dearly, she has the deepest sympathy with my feelings — yet she will have me act rightly and preserve my reputation. But don't let me enlarge too much on this theme, lest I should at this juncture rouse my own self-pity. If you get any surer intelligence about Spain, or anything else, pray write and tell me while I am still in the country; and, perhaps, at the moment of my departure I shall send you some intelligence, the more so that Tullia thinks that you are at present not thinking of leaving Italy. I must put before Antony, as I did before Curio, my wish to reside in Malta, and my determination not to take part in this civil war. I only hope I may find him as complaisant and good-natured to me as I did Curio. He is said to be intending to come to Misenum on the 2nd, that is, today: but he has sent me a disagreeable letter in advance, of which I inclose a copy.

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    § Att.10.9 CCCXCII (Att. X, 9) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 3 MAY: THE arrival of Philotimus — why, what a fellow! how insipid! what lies he keeps telling for Pompey!-frightened all my party to death. For myself, I have become hardened. None of my party doubted that Caesar had curtailed his marches: according to him, he is absolutely flying. None doubted Petreius having effected a junction with Afranius: he brings no tidings of the kind. In short, they have also been convinced of this — that Pompey, at the head of a large force, had marched into Germania by way of Illyricum; for that was announced on good authority. Well, then, I must make for Malta, I think, until we get fresh news from Spain. This, indeed, I almost think from Caesar's own letter that I may do with his approval: for he says that I cannot take a more honourable or safer course than to abstain from the combat altogether. You will say, “What has become, then, of that resolution of yours, which you described in your last?” It is here, and still unchanged. But would that I had to decide for my own person only! The tears of my family at times weaken my resolution, who beseech me to wait for the result in Spain. Caelius's letter, indeed, which was expressed in moving terms, containing an identical appeal — that I would not so rashly abandon my property, my only son, and all my family — our boys read with floods of tears. Though my own son is, in fact, the braver of the two, and for that very reason affects me more violently. His only anxiety is for my dignity. To Malta, then, and thence wherever it shall seem good! However, even now pray write something, and especially if there is any news from Afranius. On my part, if I have any conversation with Antony, I will write and tell you the result. Yet I will be cautious as to trusting him, as you warn me. For the policy of entire concealment is difficult, and dangerous into the bargain. I intend to wait for Servius Sulpicius till the 15th; both Postumia and his son Servius urge me to do so. I am glad your quartan ague is better. I send you also a copy of Caelius's letter.

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    § Att.10.10 CCCXCIV (Att. X, 10) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 3 MAY: How blind of me not to have seen this before! I send you Antony's letter. After I had written again and again to say that I was not entertaining any plans against Caesar, that I remembered my son-in-law, remembered our friendship, that, if I had been otherwise minded, I might have been with Pompey, but that, as I had to my disgust to move about accompanied by lictors, I wished to be away from Italy, but had not made up my mind even to that — see what an admonitory tone he adopts in reply! “Your decision is perfectly right. For the man who wishes to be neutral remains in the country: he who leaves it appears to express a judgment on one side or the other. But it is not my duty to determine whether a particular person has the right to go or not. Caesar has assigned me my role, which is that I should not allow anyone at all to quit Italy. Therefore it matters little that I approve your idea in the present instance, since I have, nevertheless, no power to grant you any exemption. My opinion is that you should communicate with Caesar direct and ask his leave. I feel no doubt that you will obtain it, especially as you promise that you will take our friendship into consideration.” There is a Laconic despatch for you! In any case I will wait for the man himself. He is to arrive on the 3rd, that is, today. Tomorrow, therefore, he will perhaps come to see me. I will test him: I will listen to what he has to say: I will declare loudly that I am in no hurry, that I will communicate with Caesar. I will lie perdu somewhere with the smallest number of attendants possible: at any rate, let these men be ever so reluctant to allow it, from this country I will wing my way, and oh that it might be to Curio! Don't mistake what I say. Something worthy of me shall be effected. This is a new and heavy anxiety: I am much distressed by your strangury. Take medical advice, I beseech you, whilst it is in an early stage. I am delighted with your letter about the Massilians. I beg you to let me know if you get any news. I should have liked to have Ocella with me, if I could manage it without any concealment; and I had extracted from Curio a promise that I should. Here I am waiting for Servius Sulpicius, for I am requested to do so by his wife and son, and I think it is necessary to see him. Antony, for his part, is carrying about Cytheris with him with his sedan open, as a second wife. There are, besides, seven sedans in his train, containing friends female or male See in what disgraceful circumstances we are being done to death: and doubt, if you can, that if Caesar returns victorious, he will use the sword. For my part, I will withdraw myself in a cock-boat, if I can't get a ship, from their parricidal proceedings. But I shall know more when I have had my interview with him. Our young nephew I cannot help loving, but I see clearly that he does not love me. I never saw a case of such want of principle, of such aversion to his own relations, and of such brooding over mysterious designs. What an overpowering number of anxieties! But it will be my care, as it is now, to correct him. His natural abilities are admirable: it is his character that wants attention.

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    § Att.10.11 CCCXCV (Att. X, 11) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 4 MAY: AFTER I had sealed my previous packet, I changed my mind about intrusting it to the man to whom I had intended doing so, because he was a stranger. Accordingly, it was not despatched the same day. Meanwhile Philotimus arrived and delivered me a letter from you. What you say in it about my brother does not, indeed, show as much firmness on his part as one could wish, yet it does not imply any arriere pensee, any treachery, or any obstinate aversion from good, nothing that you cannot turn in any direction you please in one conversation. In short, he holds all his family in great affection — even those with whom he is too often angry — me he loves more dearly than himself. His having written about his boy in one tone to you, and in another to the boy's mother, I see no reason to blame. I am vexed at what you say about the journey and your sister, and the more so that the state of my affairs is such that I can apply no remedy to those things. For I certainly would have done so. But you see my unfortunate position and the desperate state of my affairs. His financial position is not of such a nature — for I hear frequently from him personally — as to prevent his being eager to repay you, and being really anxious on that point. But if such a man as Q. Axius, because I am thus in exile, does not pay me thirteen sestertia, which I lent his son, and pleads the hardness of the times, if Lepta and everybody else do the same, it is wont to make me feel some surprise when he tells me that he is being pressed for an insignificant sum of twenty sestertia. For you, of course, see what his difficulties are. However, he is directing the money to be paid in any case to your order. Do you think him slow or close in business of that kind? No one is less so. Enough about my brother. As for his son: his father has always spoilt him, but his indulgence is not responsible for his being untruthful, or grasping, or wanting in affection for his family, though it perhaps does make him headstrong and self-willed, as well as aggressive. Accordingly, these latter also are traits in his character, which are the results of over-indulgence, but they are pardonable — we must admit-considering what young men are nowadays. Those traits, however, which to me, at least, who love him, are more distressing than the very evils surrounding us, do not arise from excessive compliance on my part: for they have roots of their own, which, however, I would assuredly have torn up, had I been allowed to do so. But my circumstances are such that I must put up with anything. My own son I keep under control without difficulty. He is the most tractable boy possible; but my remorseful pity for him makes me less determined in politics, and the more he desires me to be staunch, the more I fear turning out a cruel father to him. However, Antony arrived yesterday in the evening. Presently perhaps he will call on me, or, maybe, will not take even that trouble, since he has written to say what it is his pleasure should be done. But you shall know the result at once. Secrecy is my only course now. What can I do about the boys? Shall I trust them to a small vessel? What sort of courage do you think I shall have in the voyage? Why, I remember while sailing in that open Rhodian vessel in the summer how anxious I was: what do you think will be the case in a small despatch boat in the dangerous season of the year? Misery on every side! Trebatius is with me, a right good man and good citizen. What frightful news he brings me, good heavens! Is even Balbus thinking, then, of an entree into the senate? But I will give him a letter himself for you tomorrow. Yes, I believe Vettienus is, as you say, friendly to me. I answered him with rather a peppery jest, because he wrote to me somewhat abruptly about providing for payment of the money. Pray smooth him down, if he took it less good-temperedly than one could wish. I addressed him as monetalis, because he addressed me as proconsul. But as he is a good fellow and attached to me, let me keep my affection for him too. Farewell.

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    § Att.10.12 CCCXCVI (Att. X, 12) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 5 MAY: WHAT is to become of me? Who is there, I don't say more unfortunate, but in a more degraded position? Antony says that he has received express orders about me, and, nevertheless, he has as yet not been to see me, but told Trebatius this fact. What am I to do now? Nothing succeeds with me, and the plans which I form with the greatest care are just those which fail in the most shocking manner. Why, I thought when I had got Curio's consent, that I had succeeded entirely. He had written about me to Hortensius. Reginus was wholly in my interests. I never imagined that Antony would have anything to do with the western sea. Which way am I to turn now? I am watched on every side. But enough of tears! Well, then, I must steal away and creep stealthily into some merchant vessel: I must not expose myself to the suspicion of having connived at my being prevented from going. I must make for Sicily. If I once get there, I shall then have a greater step in my power. If things would only go as they should in Spain! However, I only hope the news about Sicily may prove true: but as yet we have had no luck. The Sicilians are said to have rallied round Cato, to have begged him to hold out, making all manner of promises. Affected by this, he is said to have begun holding a levy. I don't believe it, however distinguished the authority! I am aware that this province was at least capable of being held. However, we shall presently have news from Spain. We have C. Marcellus here, who is entertaining the same thoughts as myself, either sincerely, or making a good pretence of doing so. I have not, however, seen him personally, but have been told this by one of his most intimate friends. Pray send me any news you have: if I take any active step, I will at once let you know. I will treat young Quintus with more strictness. Would that I could do any good! However, pray some time or other tear up the letters in which I have written about him in a tone of severity, for fear of anything getting out at any time. I will do the same with yours. I am still waiting for Servius, nor do I hear anything satisfactory from him. You shall know whatever does occur. Without doubt I must confess to having made a mistake. For the first time? Or on one subject? Nay, the more deeply I have reflected on a thing, the more unwisely has its execution invariably been. But “The past is past: though grieved, I'll let it be.” Let us only take care not to come to grief in the future. Well, you bid me make provision for my journey. What am I to provide? The possible accidents cover so wide a field, that, if I shrink from them, I must remain stationary with dishonour and sorrow; if I pay no heed to them, there is danger of my falling into the hands of unprincipled men. Only see in what a miserable position I am! At times I think that I should absolutely desire to receive some injury, however mortifying, from the Caesarians, to convince people that I have become an object of hatred to the tyrant. But if the voyage, on which I set my hopes, had been open to me, I would have certainly effected something, as you wish and advise, to justify my delay. But the closeness of the watch set upon me is surprising, and even Curio himself is an object of suspicion. So the two alternatives are to take the high hand, or to act secretly. If the former, I must have favourable weather. The latter means concealment from those men: and if any contretemps occurs in doing that, you must see in what an undignified position I shall be. I am at the mercy of circumstances, and must not shrink from a somewhat bold course. I often think of Caelius, and, if ever I have the like opportunity, I will not let it slip. I hope Spain is safe. The action of the Massilians is at once glorious in itself, and a proof to me that things are going well in Spain. They would not have been so bold, if it had been otherwise: and they would be sure to know, for they are close at hand as well as careful. Again, I am glad of your remark as to the popular dislike expressed in the theatre. Even these legions, which he took over in Italy, I can see are very much disaffected to him. However, he has no worse enemy than himself. I quite agree with your dread that he may run amuck. If he once feels desperate, he certainly will do so. All the more reason for effecting something in the spirit (and, I hope, with better fortune) of Caelius. But one thing at a time: whatever it may be, you shall at once know all about it. I will furnish young Quintus with supplies, as you request, and will undertake the Arcadian task, or the whole Peloponnesus, if you like. Yes: he has ability, if he had but character.... And if he hasn't any as yet, he may acquire it, or virtue is not teachable, which I cannot be persuaded to believe.

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    § Att.10.13 CCCXCVII (Att. X, 13) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 7 MAY: YOUR letter was very gratifying to my Tullia, and, by Hercules, to me also. A letter from you always brings a ray of hope. Pray write, therefore, and if you can suggest anything hopeful, don't omit to do so. No, don't be afraid of Antony's lions. He is a charming fellow! Just listen to a statesman's conduct of affairs! He sent round a letter summoning ten leading men and the quattuorviri from the municipal towns. They came to his villa in the morning. In the first place, he remained asleep till nine o'clock. Then on the announcement that the men had arrived from Naples and Cumae — for Caesar is angry with these towns — he ordered them to come again next day: he wanted to take a bath and to cure a looseness of the bowels. This was yesterday. Today, however, he purposes crossing to Aenaria. He intends promising the exiles there that they shall be recalled. But enough of that. To return to ourselves: I have received a letter from Q. Axius. Thanks, about Tiro. Vettienus is a good fellow. I have repaid Vestorius. Servius is said to have stopped at Minturnae on the 6th of May, today he is to stop with C. Marcellus in his villa at Liternum. Early tomorrow, therefore, he will see me and will give me a theme for a letter to you. For at the present moment I can't think of anything to write to you about. One thing does surprise me, that Antony has not sent me even a message, especially as he has paid a great deal of attention to me. No doubt he is charged with some still sterner order as to me. He doesn't wish to say “No” to me face to face. I never meant to ask him the favour, nor, if he had granted it, should I have trusted his word. However, I will think out some plan. Please tell me any news from the Spains: for by this time it will be possible for some to be heard: and everybody's idea is that, if all is well there, there will be no more trouble. I, however, don't regard our cause as won if we retain them, nor utterly desperate if we lose them. Silius and Ocella and the rest, I suppose, are detained. I observe that you also are hindered by Curtius, though, as I think, you have a passport.

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    § Att.10.14 CCCXCVIII (Att. X, 14) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 8 MAY: WHAT a miserable state of existence! To be so long in fear is a greater evil than the very thing which is feared. Servius having arrived, as I told you before, on the 15th of May came to see me next day. Not to keep you in suspense, we arrived at no conclusion as to our policy. I never saw anybody so completely beside himself with fear; and yet, by Hercules, he feared nothing that was not a legitimate object of fear: “Pompey was angry with him, Caesar no friend to him: the victory of either one or the other was alarming, both because of the cruel nature of the one, the unscrupulousness of the other, and also because of the financial embarrassment of both, which could be relieved from no source except that of the property of private persons.” And these remarks were accompanied with such floods of tears, that I wondered they had not run dry from such protracted misery. For my part, even the inflammation of the eyes, which prevents my writing to you with my own hand, is not accompanied with a single tear, but is very often troublesome from keeping me awake. Wherefore any consolations you can think of collect and write, not from philosophy and books — for of that I have a stock at home, though somehow or other the medicine is less potent than the disease: rather search for such news as that about Spain or Marseilles. Servius, indeed, brings a very satisfactory report about them, and also tells me that there is good authority for the story of the two legions. That is the sort of news, if you have any, and more like it. And, indeed, something must be heard before many days are over. But I return to Servius. We in the end adjourned our conversation to the next day: but he is slow about leaving Italy. “He would much rather die in his own bed, whatever is to happen.” He feels a painful hesitation as to his son's service at Brundisium. There was one thing that he declared with the utmost determination: if the condemned men were restored, he would go into exile. To this I replied that “that would certainly take place; and what was already being done was no less offensive,” and I mentioned a number of instances. However, these arguments did not increase his resolution, only his terror: so that I think he is rather to be kept in the dark about my plan, than invited to adopt the same. So there is not much to be got from him. In obedience to your hint I will turn my thoughts to Caelius.

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    § Att.10.15 CCCXCIX (Att. X, 15) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 12 MAY: WHILST Servius was still with me, Cephalio arrived with your letter of the 10th, which inspired me with a strong hope of a change for the better in regard to the eight cohorts; for those, too, which are stationed in these parts are said to be wavering. On the same day Funisulanus brought me a letter from you, in which the same news was repeated still more positively. I gave him full satisfaction as to his own business, ascribing the full credit to you. Up to this time I have had reason to be discontented with him, for he owes me a large sum of money and is not considered to be well off. Now he says he will pay me: that a man to whom he had lent money was slow in paying; that, if you have in your hands what his debtor has paid, you are to give it to letter-carriers for me. The amount you will learn from Philotimus's man Eros. But let us return to more important matters. The Caelian plan, which is your idea, is coming to fruition. Accordingly, I am distracted as to whether to wait for a favourable wind. What is wanted is a standard: men will flock to it. I quite agree with your advice to set out openly, and so I think I shall start. Meanwhile, however, I am awaiting a letter from you. Servius's advice doesn't ease matters at all. Every kind of objection is obtruded in every opinion he utters. I never knew anyone more timid except Gaius Marcellus, who is sorry that he was ever consul. What a mean fellow! why, he is even said to have encouraged Antony to prevent my departure, in order, I suppose, to stay himself with greater decency. Antony, however, started for Capua on the 10th. He sent me a message to say that he had been deterred by a feeling of shame from calling on me, because he thought that I was angry with him. So I shall go, and in the way, too, which you think right, unless some hope shall have been meanwhile presented to me of undertaking some still more important part. But that will scarcely be the case so soon. Alienus the praetor, however, thinks that some one of his colleagues would do it, if I don't. Anyone you please, so long as it is some one. In regard to your sister, I commend you. As to the young Quintus, I am doing all I can. I hope things are better. As to my brother Quintus, let me tell you that he is in considerable anxiety about raising money to pay his debt, but as yet has squeezed nothing out of L. Egnatius. Axius is modest about the twelve sestertia! For he repeatedly put in his letter a request that I would pay Gallius whatever he wanted. Could I have done otherwise, if he had not mentioned it? And, in fact, I often promised: but he wanted that round sum promptly. They should have rather come to my assistance at this time of difficulty, heaven confound them! However, more of this another time. I am very glad that you, and Pilia too, are relieved of your quartan ague. Whilst bread and other stores are being got on board, I intend to make an excursion to my Pompeian villa. Please thank Vettienus for his kindness. If you can find anyone to bring it, send me a letter before I leave the country.

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    § Att.10.16 CD (Att. X, 16) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 14 MAY: I HAD just despatched a letter to you on a variety of subjects, when Dionysius arrived at my house very early in the morning. I would not only have shown myself placable to him, but would have pardoned him altogether, had he arrived in the frame of mind described by you. For in your letter received at Arpinum you said that he was coming and was prepared to do whatever I wished. For my part, I wished, or rather desired, that he should stay with me: and it was because, on his coming to my Formian villa, he had refused point blank to do so, that I used to write to you somewhat sharply about him. Well, he said very little, but the upshot of his remarks was that I must excuse him, that his private affairs prevented his going with me. I answered shortly: I felt much pained: I quite understood that my position roused his contempt. You will perhaps be surprised, but I assure you that I feel this to be among the heaviest blows which this crisis has inflicted upon me. I hope he may be loyal to you: that is equivalent to wishing you to remain prosperous: he will be so, just as long as you are. I hope my design will be free of all risk: for, on the one hand, I have kept it dark; and, on the other, I shall not, I think, be very closely watched. May I only have a voyage such as I wish! For all the rest — as far, that is, as they can be provided for by prudence-measures shall be taken. Pray, as long as I am in the country, write and tell me not only anything you know or have heard, but also what you foresee will happen. Cato, who might have held Sicily without any trouble-and, if he had held it, all loyalists would have joined him — sailed from Syracuse on the 23rd of April, as Curio has written to tell me. I only hope, as the phrase is, that Cotta may hold Sardinia; for there is rumour going about. Oh, if that were to be so, what a stigma on Cato! In order to allay suspicion of my leaving the country, or of what I am thinking of doing, I started for my Pompeian villa on the 12th of May, with a view of staying there, while the necessary preparations for my voyage were being made. On my arrival at my villa people came to see me: “The centurions of the three cohorts stationed at Pompeii ” — this is what our friend Ninnius reported to me — “wished to visit me the next day: they were desirous of putting themselves and the town in my hands.” I, however, I can tell you, was off from my villa next morning before daybreak, to prevent them having any opportunity of seeing me at all. For what was the good of three cohorts? Or even if there were more, what equipment had they? I thought, indeed, of those exploits of Caelius, which I found mentioned in your letter received as soon as I arrived at my Cuman villa, which I did on the same day: yet at the same time it might have been a trap to catch me. I therefore removed all suspicion. But while I was on my return journey, Hortensius had arrived and had turned out of his road to call on Terentia, and used very courteous expressions about me. However, I believe I shall see him; for he has sent a servant to tell me that he is coming to my house. This is better behaviour than that of my fellow augur Antony, among whose lictors an actress is riding in a sedan. As you are free of your quartan ague, and have not only got rid of your new disease, but also of your cold, be sure you present yourself before me in Greece full of vigour, and meanwhile let me have something by way of a letter.

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    § Att.10.17 CDI (Att. X, 17) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 16 MAY: ON the 14th Hortensius came to call on me after I had written my letter. I only wish the rest of his conduct had been the same. You could hardly conceive such epanouissement! I mean, I can tell you, to make use of it. Then came Serapion with your letter, before opening which I remarked to him that you had written to me about him before, as you had done. Then, after opening the letter, I told him the rest of your compliment to the last syllable: and, by Hercules, I esteem him to be a good, learned, and honest man. And, what is more, I think of using his ship and taking him with me on my voyage. The inflammation in my eyes frequently recurs, not, indeed, to a very painful extent, but enough to prevent my writing. I am glad that your health is re-established, both from your old complaint and your more recent troubles. I could wish I had Ocella with me. For I think the weather here is going to be slightly calmer. At present the equinox is delaying us, which has been very stormy. After that, if there is a brisk wind, I can only hope that Hortensius may remain in the same mind: since up to this time nothing could exceed his courtesy. You wonder at what I said about a “passport,” as though I had insinuated some grave charge or other against you. For you say you “can't make out how it ever came into my mind.” Well, since you had mentioned in your letter that you were thinking of leaving the country, and since I had been told that no one could do so without one, I thought, of course, that you had one, and also because you had taken out a passport for the boys. That was the ground of my belief, and, nevertheless, I wish you would write and tell me what you are thinking of doing, and above all what news is now stirring. 16 May.

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    § Att.10.18 CDII (Att. X, 18) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CUMAE, 19 MAY: My Tullia was confined on the 19th of May — a boy, a seven months' child. I have reason to be thankful that she had a good delivery. The child itself is a poor little weakling. An astonishingly dead calm has as yet kept me from starting, and has been a greater impediment than the watch kept upon me. For all that talk of Hortensius was mere persiflage. The truth will turn out to be this: that most dissolute of men has been corrupted by his freedman Salvius. Accordingly, henceforth I shall not write and tell you what I am going to do, but only what I have done. For all the eavesdroppers of Corycus seem to be listening to what I say. Do you, however, I beg, continue to tell me any news there are of Spain, or anything else; but don't expect a letter from me, except when I have arrived at my wished-for destination, or in case I can send anything during my voyage. Even this I write with fear and trembling: so slowly and heavily does everything drag on. The foundation was badly laid, the rest follows suit. I am now making for Formiae: perhaps the Furies will follow me there too. However, to judge from Balbus's conversation with you, my idea of Malta does not find favour. Can you doubt, therefore, that he regards me as an enemy? I have, to be sure, written to Balbus telling him that you had mentioned to me in a letter both his kindly feeling and his suspicion. I thanked him. On the second point I cleared myself with him. Did you ever know anyone more unlucky? I won't say more, lest I should make you suffer too. I am overpowered with the thought that the time has come when I no longer have the power of acting either with courage or with prudence.

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    § Att.11.1 CDIV (Att. XI, 1) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) EPIRUS (JANUARY) I have received from you the sealed document conveyed by Anteros. I could gather nothing from it about my domestic affairs. What gives me the most painful anxiety about them is the fact that the man who has acted as my steward is not at Rome, nor do I know where in the wide world he is. My one hope of preserving my credit and property is in your most thoroughly proved kindness; and if in this unhappy and desperate crisis you still maintain that, I shall have greater courage to endure these dangers which are shared with me by the rest of the party. I adjure and intreat you to do so. I have in Asia in cistophori money amounting to 2,200,000 sesterces. By negotiating a bill of exchange for that sum you will have no difficulty in maintaining my credit. If indeed I had not thought that I was leaving that quite clear — in reliance on the man on whom you have long since known that I ought to have no reliance — I should have stayed in Italy for some little time longer, and should not have left my finances embarrassed: and I have been the longer in writing to you because it was a long time before I understood what the danger to be feared was. I beg you again and again to undertake the protection of my interests in all respects, so that, supposing the men with whom I now am to survive, I may along with them remain solvent, and credit your kindness with my safety.

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    § Att.11.2 CDV (Att. XI, 2) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) EPIRUS, 5 FEBRUARY: I received your letter on the 4th of February, and on the same day formally accepted the inheritance in accordance with the will. Of my many and most distressing anxieties one is removed, if; as you say, this inheritance is sufficient to maintain my credit and reputation; though even without any inheritance I am aware that you would have defended them by all means at your disposal. As to what you say about the dowry, 54 I adjure you, in the name of all the gods, to undertake that whole business and protect the poor girl, whom my default and carelessness have reduced to distress, by the aid of funds belonging to me, if there are such, of your own if you can do so without inconvenience. You say that she is without any means: pray do not allow that state of things to continue. Why, what are the payments that have swallowed up the rents of my estates? For instance, one ever told me that the sixty sestertia, which you mention, had been deducted from the dowry; for I should never have allowed it. But this is the smallest of the frauds from which I have suffered: of which sorrow and tears prevent my writing to you. Of the money deposited in Asia I have called in nearly half. It seemed likely to be safer where it now is than in the hands of the publicani. You exhort me to be of good courage: I could have wished that you were able to allege some reason for my being so. But if to my other misfortunes there has been added the confiscation of my town house, which Chrysippus told me was in contemplation (you gave me no hint of it), who is he now in all the world in a worse plight than myself? I beg and beseech you, — pardon me, I can write no more. You must see what a crushing weight of sorrow mine is. If it were only such as is common to me with the rest of those who are regarded as being in the same position as myself, my error had seemed less grave and therefore more easy to bear. As it is, there is no consolation, unless you secure (if it is not now too late to secure it) that I have no special loss or wrong inflicted upon me. I have been somewhat slow in sending back your letter-carrier, because there was no opportunity of getting him across. Pray send letters in my name to any to whom you think it right to do so. You know my intimates. If they remark on the absence of my signet or handwriting, pray tell them that I have avoided using either owing to the military pickets.

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    § Att.11.3 CDIX (Att. XI, 3) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) CAMP OF POMPEY IN EPIRUS, 13 JUNE: What is going on here you will be able to ascertain from the bearer of your letter. I have detained him longer than I otherwise should, because I am in daily expectation of something happening, and even now I have, after all, no other motive for despatching him except the subject on which you asked for an answer from me, namely, my wish as to the 1st of July. Both courses are dangerous-either the risk of so large a sum of money at so critical a time, or the divorce, of which you speak, while the result of the campaign is still uncertain. Wherefore, I leave this, as I do other things, as absolutely as possible to your care and kindness, and to her consideration and wishes, for whose interests-poor girl I-I should have consulted better, if I had formerly deliberated with you personally on our safety and property rather than by letter. You say that in the common misfortune there is no danger threatening me more than anyone else. Well, there is some consolation certainly in that; yet there are also after all many circumstances peculiar to myself, which you must certainly see to be very dangerous and such as I might very easily have avoided. However, they will be less grave, if, as is the case at present, they are mitigated by your management and activity. The money is lodged with Egnatius. There, as far as I am concerned, let it remain. The present state of things cannot, I think, last long: so that I shall presently be able to know what it is most necessary to do. I am, however, hard put to it for every kind of thing, because he with whom I am is in straits too, and I have lent him a large sum of money, under the idea that, when things are settled, that measure will be to my honour also. 64 Yes, please, as before, if there are any persons whom you think ought to have a letter from me, compose one yourself. 65 Remember me to your family. Take care of your health. First and foremost, as you say in your letter, by every means in your power be careful to see that nothing is wanting to her, 66 on whose account you know that I am most unhappy. From the camp. 13 June.

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    § Att.11.4 CDXI (Att. XI, 4) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) (DYRRACHIUM, JULY) I have received your letter by Isidorus, and two written subsequently. From the last in date I learn that the property did not sell. Pray, therefore, see that she 67 is supplied by you. As to the estate at Frusino, 68 always provided that I am destined to enjoy it, it will be a great convenience to me. You Complain of not getting a letter from me. My difficulty is lack of matter: I have nothing worth putting into a letter, for I am not at all satisfied with anything that is happening or anything that is being done. Oh that I had originally talked the matter over with you, instead of writing! 69 Your property here, as far as I can, I protect with these people. The rest Celer 70 will see to. Up to this time I have avoided every kind of function, the more so that it is impossible for anything to be done in a way suitable to my character and fortunes. You ask what fresh news there is. 71 You will be able to learn from Isidorus. What remains to be done does not appear more difficult. Yes, pray, as you say in your letter, continue to give your attention to what you know to be my greatest wish. I am overpowered with anxiety, the result of which is extreme physical weakness also. When that is removed I shall join the man who is conducting the business, and is in a most hopeful state of mind. 72 Brutus is friendly: he is extremely enthusiastic in the cause. This is as far as I can go on paper with prudence. Good-bye. About the second instalment, 73 pray consider with every possible care what ought to be done, as I mentioned in the letter conveyed to you by Pollex.

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    § Att.11.5 CDXIV (Att. XI, 5) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM (4 NOVEMBER) What the reasons were, and how distressing, peremptory, and unprecedented, which influenced me and compelled me to follow an impulsive feeling, so to speak, rather than deliberate thought, I cannot tell you in writing without the utmost anguish of mind. They were so powerful as to effect what you see. 75 Accordingly I cannot think of anything to say to you about my affairs or to ask of you. The actual result and the upshot of the whole business is before you. I have myself gathered from your letters-both the one written in conjunction with others, and the one in your own name — that (as I saw independently) being in a manner unnerved by the unexpected turn of affairs, you are trying to find other methods of protecting me. You say in your letter that you think I ought to come nearer, and make my journey through the towns by night: but I cannot at all see how that can possibly be done. For neither have I suitable stopping-places, in which I could possibly pass all the hours of daylight, nor for the object which you have in view does it much matter whether men see me in a town or on the road. However, I will consider even this, as I shall other plans, to see how it can be most advantageously managed. For myself, owing to my extraordinary uneasiness both of body and mind, I have been incapable of composing numerous letters: I have only answered those who have written to me. Pray write to Basilus and to others to whom you think it proper-even to Servilius 76 — in my name, and say whatever you think right. As to the long interval during which I have written nothing at all to you, you will understand from this letter that what I lacked was a subject to write about, not willingness to write. You ask about Vatinius. 77 I should not have wanted attentions from him nor from anyone else either, if they could have found any way to be of use to me. Quintus was completely alienated from me at Patrae His son came thither also from Corcyra. From that place I presume that they have started with the rest. 78

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    § Att.11.6 CDXVI (Att. XI, 6) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 27 NOVEMBER: I perceive that you are anxious both for your own and for our common fortunes, and above all for me and my sorrow, which, so far from being lessened by the association of yours with it, is thereby actually increased. Assuredly your sagacity has led you to divine the exact consolation that gives me the greatest relief. For you express approval of my policy, and say that in the circumstances what I did was the best thing I could do. You also add — what is of smaller importance in my eyes than your own opinion, and yet is not unimportant — that everybody else, everybody that is that matters, approves the step I have taken. If I thought that to be the case, it would lessen my pain. “Believe me,” you say. I believe you of course, but I know how anxious you are to soothe my pain. Of abandoning the war I have not repented for a moment. So bloodthirsty were their sentiments, so close their alliance with barbarous tribes, that a scheme of proscription was formed-not against individuals, but whole classes — and the conviction was universally entertained by them that the property of you all was the prize of his victory. I say “you” advisedly: for even as to you personally there were never any but the harshest ideas. Wherefore I shall never repent of my decision: what I do repent of is my plan of procedure. I could have wished that I had rather remained in some town until invited to Italy. 79 I should have exposed myself to less remark and have felt less pain; this particular regret would not have been wringing my heart. To lie idle at Brundisium is vexatious in every point of view. As to coming nearer the city, as you advise, how can I do so without the lictors given me by the people? They cannot be taken from me as long as I am possessed of my civil rights. These lictors, as a temporary measure, when approaching the town, I caused to mingle with the crowd with only sticks in their hands, to prevent any attack on the part of the soldiery. 80 Since then I have confined myself to my house. 81 I wrote to ask Oppius and Balbus to turn over in their minds as to how they thought that I should approach Rome. I think they will advise my doing so. For they undertake that Caesar will be anxious not only to preserve, but to enhance my position, and they exhort me to be of good courage, and to hope for the most distinguished treatment in all respects. This they pledge themselves to and affirm. Yet I should have felt more sure of it, if I had remained where I was. But I am harping upon what is past. Look therefore, I beg of you, to what remains to be done and investigate the case in conjunction with them; and if you think it necessary and they approve, let Trebonius and Pansa and anyone else be called into council, that Caesar's approbation of my step may be the better secured as having been taken in accordance with the opinion of his own friends, and let them write and tell Caesar that whatever I have done I have done in accordance with their judgment. My dear Tullia's ill-health and weakness frightens me to death. I gather that you are showing her great attention, for which I am deeply grateful. I never had any doubt about what would be the end of Pompey. Such a complete despair of his success had taken possession of the minds of all the kings and nations, that I thought this would happen wherever he landed. I cannot but lament his fall: for I know him to have been honest, pure, and a man of principle. 82 Am I to condole with you about Fannius? 83 He used to indulge in mischievous talk about your remaining at Rome: while L. Lentulus had promised himself Hortensius's town house, 84 Caesar's suburban villa, and an estate at Baiae. This sort of thing is going on upon this side in precisely the same way. The only difference is that in the former case there was no limit. For all who remained in Italy were held to be enemies. But I should like to talk over this some time or other when my mind is more at ease. I am told that my brother Quintus has started for Asia, to make his peace. About his son I have heard nothing. But ask Caesar's freedman Diochares, who brought the letter you mention from Alexandria. I have not seen him. He is said to have seen Quintus on his way — or perhaps in Asia itself. I am expecting a letter from you, as the occasion demands. Pray take care to get it conveyed to me as soon as possible. 27 November.

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    § Att.11.7 CDXVIII (Att. XI, 7) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 17 DECEMBER: I am much obliged for your letter, in which you have set forth with great care all that you thought had any bearing on my position. Is it the case then, as you say in your letter, that your friends think that I should retain my lictors on the ground that Sestius has been allowed to do so? 85 But in his case I don't consider that his own lictors have been allowed him, but that lictors have been given him by Caesar himself. 86 For I am told that he refuses to acknowledge any decrees of the Senate passed after the withdrawal of the tribunes. 87 Wherefore he will be able without forfeiting his consistency to acknowledge my lictors. However, why should I talk about lictors, who am all but ordered to quit Italy? For Antony has sent me a copy of Caesar's letter to him, in which he says that “he has been told that Cato and L. Metellus had come to Italy, with the intention of living openly at Rome: that he disapproved of that, for fear of its being the cause of disturbances: and that all are forbidden to come to Italy except those whose case he had himself investigated.” And on this point the language of the despatch is very strong. Accordingly, Antony in his letter to me begged me to excuse him: “he could not but obey that letter.” Then I sent L. Lamia to him, to point out that Caesar had told Dolabella to write and bid me come to Italy at the first opportunity: that I had come in consequence of his letter. 88 Thereupon he made a special exception in his edict of myself and Laelius by name. I had much rather he had not done that; for the exception itself could have been made without mentioning names. 89 Oh, what endless, what formidable dangers! However, you are doing your best to mitigate them: and not without success, — the very fact that you take such pains to lessen my distress lessens it. Pray do not get tired of doing so as frequently as possible. Now, you will best succeed in your object, if you can persuade me to think that I have not entirely forfeited the good opinion of the loyalists. And yet what can you do in that regard? Nothing, of course. But if circumstances do give you any opportunity, that is what will best be able to console me. I see that at present this is impossible, but if any thing should turn up in the course of events, as in the present instance! It used to be said that I ought to have left the country with Pompey. His death has disarmed criticism on that sin of omission. But of all things the one most found wanting in me is that I have not gone to Africa. Now my view of the question was this, — I did not think that the constitution ought to be defended by foreign auxiliaries drawn from the most treacherous race, especially against an army that had been frequently victorious. They perhaps disapprove that view. For I hear that many loyalists have arrived in Africa, and I know that there were many there before. On this point I am much pressed. Here again I must trust to luck, — that Some of them, or, if possible, all should be found to prefer their personal safety. For if they stick to their colours and prevail, you perceive what my position will be. You will say, “What about them, if they are beaten?” Such a blow is more creditable to them. These are the thoughts that torture me. You did not explain in your letter why you do not prefer Sulpicius's 90 policy to mine. Though it is not so reputable that of Cato, yet it is free from danger and vexation. The last case is that of those who remain in Achaia. Even they are in a better position than I am, in two respects: there are many together in one place; and, when they do come to Italy, they will come straight back to Rome. Pray continue your present efforts to soften these difficulties and to secure the approbation of as many as possible. You apologize for not coming to me: I however am well acquainted with your reasons, and I also think it to my advantage that you should be where you are, if only to make to the proper people — as you are actually doing — the representations that have to be made in my behalf. Above all pray observe this. I believe that there are a number of people who have reported or will report to Caesar either that I repent of the course I have adopted, or do not approve of what is now going on: and, though both statements are true, yet they are made by them from an unfriendly feeling to me, not because they have perceived them to be so. In regard to this everything depends on Balbus and Oppius supporting my cause, and on Caesar's kind disposition towards me being confirmed by frequent letters from them. Pray do your utmost to secure that. A second reason for my not wishing you to leave Rome is that you mention in your letter that Tullia implores your help. What a misfortune I What am I to say? What can I wish? I will be brief: for a sudden flood of tears stops me. I leave it to you. Do as you think right. Only be careful that at such a crisis as this there may be no danger to her safety. Pardon me, I beseech you: I cannot dwell on this topic any longer for tears and grief. I will only say that nothing is more soothing to my feelings than your affection for her. I am obliged to you for seeing to letters being sent to those to whom you think it necessary. 91 I have seen a man who says that he saw young Quintus at Samos, and his father at Sicyon. They will easily obtain their pardons. I only hope that, as they will have seen Caesar first, they may choose to aid me with him as much as I should have wished to aid them, if I had had the power! You ask me not to be annoyed if there are any expressions in your letter likely to give me pain. Annoyed! Nay, I implore you to write everything to me with complete candour, as you do, and to do so as often as possible. Good-bye. 15 December.

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    § Att.11.8 CDXX (Att. XI, 8) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 25 DECEMBER: Though you of course see for yourself with what heavy anxieties I am consumed, yet you will be enlightened on that point by Lepta and Trebatius. I am being severely punished for my rashness, which you wish me to consider prudence; and I do not wish to prevent your maintaining that view and mentioning it in letters as often as possible. For your letter gives me sensible relief at such a time as this. You must exert yourself to the utmost by means of those who are favourably disposed to me and are influential with Caesar, especially by means of Balbus and Oppius, to induce them to write on my behalf as zealously as possible. For I am being attacked, as I hear, both by certain persons who are with him and by letter. We must counteract them as vigorously as the importance of the matter demands. Fufius 92 is there, a very bitter enemy of mine. Quintus has sent his son not only to plead on his own behalf, but also to accuse me. He gives out that he is being assailed by me before Caesar, though Caesar himself and all his friends refute this. Indeed he never stops, wherever he is, heaping every kind of abuse upon me. Nothing has ever happened to me so much surpassing my worst expectations, nothing in these troubles that has given me so much pain. People who say that they heard them from his own lips, when he was publicly talking at Sicyon in the hearing of numerous persons, have reported some abominable things to me. You know his style, perhaps have even had personal experience of it: 93 well, it is all now turned upon me. But I increase my sorrow by mentioning it, and perhaps do the same to you. Wherefore I return to what I was saying: take care that Balbus sends someone expressly for this purpose. Pray have letters sent in my name to whom you choose. Good-bye. 25 December.

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    § Att.11.9 CDXXI (Att. XI, 9) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 3 JANUARY: Yes, it is quite as you say: I have acted both incautiously and in too great a hurry; nor have I any hope, seeing that I am only allowed to remain by special clauses of exemption in the edicts. If these had not been secured by your industry and kindness, I might have betaken myself to some lonely places. As it is, I can't even do that. For how does my having come before the new tribuneship help me, if' my having come at all is of no service to me? 94 Or what am I to expect from a man who was never friendly to me, 95 when my ruin and humiliation are now secured by an actual law? Already Balbus's letters to me become daily less cordial, and a great number from many hands reach Caesar, perhaps against me. I am perishing by my own fault. It is not chance that has caused me any misfortune, everything has been incurred by my own mistakes. The fact is that when I saw what sort of war it was going to be, and that universal unreadiness and feebleness were pitted against men in the highest state of preparation, I had made up my mind to a policy, not so much courageous, as one that I of all men was justified in adopting. I gave in to my relations, or rather, I obeyed them. What the real sentiments of one of them was-his whom you recommend to my forbearance 96 — you will learn from his own letters, which he has sent to you and others. I should never have opened them, had it not been for the following circumstance. The bundle was brought to me. I untied it to see whether there was any letter for me. There was none. There was one for Vatinius, and another for Ligurius. 97 I ordered them to be delivered to these persons. They immediately came to me boiling with indignation, loudly exclaiming against “the villain.” They read me the letters full of every kind of abuse of me. Ligurius raved: said, that he knew that Quintus was detested by Caesar, and yet that the latter had not only favoured him, but had also given him all that money out of compliment to me. Thus outraged I determined to ascertain what he had said in his letters to the rest. For I thought it would be fatal to Quintus himself if such a villainy on his part became generally known. I found that they were of the same kind. I am sending them to you, and if you think that it is for his interest that they should be delivered, please to deliver them. It won't do me any harm. For as to their having had their seals broken, Pomponia possesses his signet, I think. 98 When he displayed that exasperation at the beginning of our voyage, 99 he grieved me so deeply that I was quite prostrate after it, and even now he is said to be working not so much for himself as against me. So I am hard pressed by every kind of misery, and can hardly bear up against it, or rather cannot do so at all. Of these miseries there is one which outweighs all the others — that I shall leave that poor girl deprived of patrimony and every kind of property. Wherefore pray see to that, according to your promise: for I have no one else to whom to commend her, since I have discovered that the same treatment is prepared for her mother as for me. But, in case you don't find me here when you come, still consider that she has been commended to you with due solemnity, and soften her uncle in regard to her as much as you can. I am writing this to you on my birthday: on which day would that I had never been born, or that nothing had afterwards been born of the same mother I Tears prevent my writing more.

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    § Att.11.10 CDXXIII (Att. XI, 10) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 19 JANUARY: My distresses, already past calculation, have received an addition by the news brought to me of the elder and younger Quintus. My connexion Publius Terentius was employed as deputy master of his company in Asia in collecting the harbour dues and the pasture rents. He saw the younger Quintus at Ephesus on the 8th of December, and entertained him warmly for the sake of our friendship, and on asking some questions about me, he tells me that Quintus replied that he was bitterly opposed to me, and showed him a roll containing a speech which he intended to deliver against me before Caesar. Terentius says that he dissuaded him from such a senseless proceeding at great length; and that afterwards at Patrae the elder Quintus talked a great deal to him in a similar strain of treachery. The latter's furious state of mind you have been able to gather from the letters which I sent on to you. I know these things are painful to you: they are positive torture to me, and the more so that I don't think I shall have the opportunity of even remonstrating with them. As to the state of things in Africa, my information is widely different from your letter. They say that nothing could be sounder or better organized. Added to that, there is Spain, an alienated Italy, a decline in the loyalty and the strength of the legions, total disorder in the city. Where can I find any repose except in reading your letters? And they would certainly have been more frequent, had you had anything to say by which you thought that my distress might be relieved. But nevertheless I beg you not to omit writing to tell me whatever occurs; and, if you can't absolutely hate the men who have shown themselves so cruelly hostile to me, yet do rebuke them: not with the view of doing any good, but to make them feel that I am dear to you. I will write at greater length to you when you have answered my last. Good-bye. 19 January.

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    § Att.11.11 CDXXIV (Att. XI, 11) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 8 MARCH: Worn out at length by the agony of my excessive sorrows, even if I had anything that I ought to say to you, I should not find it easy to write it; but as it is, I am still less able to do so because there is nothing worth the trouble of writing, especially as there is not even a gleam of hope of things being better. Accordingly, I no longer look forward to hearing even from you, though your letters always contain something that I like to hear. Therefore pray do go on writing, whenever you have a bearer at hand: though I have nothing to say in answer to your last, which nevertheless I received some time ago. For in the now long interval I can see that there has been a general change; that the right cause is strong; that I am being severely punished for my folly. The thirty sestertia which I received from Gnaeus Sallustius are to be paid to Publius Sallustius. Please see that they are paid without delay. I have written on that subject to Terentia. Even this sum is now almost used up: therefore concert measures with her to get me money to go on with. I shall perhaps be able to raise some even here, if I am assured that I shall have something to my credit at Rome. But until I knew that I did not venture to raise a farthing. You see my position all round: there is no sort of misfortune which I am not both enduring and expecting. For this state of things my grief is the heavier in proportion as my fault is the greater. He in Achaia never ceases maligning me. Clearly your letter has done no good. Good-bye. 8 March.

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    § Att.11.12 CDXXV (Att. XI, 12) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 8 MARCH (EVENING) Cephalio delivered me a letter from you in the evening of the 8th of March. Now on the morning of the same day I had already despatched the letter-carriers, to whom I had given a letter for you. However, after reading your letter I thought I must write something in answer, more especially as you show that you are anxious as to what explanation I intend to offer Caesar of my journey at the time that I left Italy. I have no need of any new explanation. For I have repeatedly written to him, and have charged various people to tell him, that I was unable, much as I wished it, to stand out against people's talk; and much more to the same effect. For there is nothing I should less like than that be should think that in a matter of such importance I did not act on my independent judgment. I afterwards received a letter from Cornelius Balbus the younger, saying that Caesar regarded my brother Quintus as having “sounded the signal” for my retreat — for that was his expression. I was not at the time aware of what Quintus had written about me to many; but he had spoken and acted to my face with great bitterness, in spite of which I yet wrote to Caesar in these words: “I am no less anxious for my brother Quintus than for myself: but I do not venture in such a position as mine to recommend him to you. Yet this at least I will venture to ask of you — thus much I can do — I beg you not to think that he did anything to diminish the constancy of my service, or lessen my affection to you. Believe rather that he always advised our union; and was the companion, not the leader, of my journey. Wherefore in other matters pray give him all the credit that your own kindness and your mutual friendship demand. I earnestly and repeatedly entreat you not to let me stand in his light with you.” Wherefore if I ever do meet Caesar — though I have no doubt of his being lenient to Quintus, and that he has already made his intention clear — I after all shall be consistent with myself. But, as far as I can see, my anxiety must be much more in regard to Africa, which, in fact, you say is growing daily stronger, though rather in a way to make one hope for conditions of peace than victory. Would to heaven it were so! But my view of the facts is far different, and I think that you yourself agree with me, but write in a different sense, not to deceive but to encourage me, especially now that Spain is also joined to Africa. You advise me to write to Antony and the rest. If you think anything of the sort necessary, please do as you have often done: for nothing occurs to me as needing to be written. You have been told that I am in better spirits — what can you think when you see added to my other causes of uneasiness these fine doings of my son-in-law. However, don't cease doing what you can in that direction-namely,, writing to me, even if you have nothing to write about. For a letter from you always conveys something to me. I have accepted the inheritance of Galeo. I presume the form of acceptance was simple, as none has been sent me. 114

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    § Att.11.13 CDXXVI (Att. XI, 13) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM (APRIL) I have not received anything by way of a letter as yet from Muraena's freedman. Publius Siser delivered the one which I am now answering. You mention a letter from the elder Servius; also you say that certain persons announce the arrival of Quintus in Syria — neither is true. You want to know how the several persons who have arrived here are or have been disposed towards me: I have not found any of them ill-disposed; but I know, of course, that you are alive to the importance of this fact to me. For myself, while the whole position is intolerably painful, nothing is more so than the fact that what I have always wished not to happen now appears the only thing for my security. They say that the elder Publius Lentulus is at Rhodes, the younger at Alexandria, and it is certain that Gaius Cassius has left Rhodes for Alexandria. Quintus writes to me to apologize in language much more irritating than when he was accusing me most violently. For he says that he understands from your letter that you disapprove of his having written to many persons with severity about me, and that therefore he is sorry for having hurt your feelings, but that he had done so on good grounds. Then he sets down — but in most indecent terms — the reasons for his having so acted. But neither at the present juncture, nor before, would he have betrayed his hatred for me, had he not seen that I was a ruined man. And oh that I had come nearer to you, even if I had made the journeys by night, as you suggested! As it is, I cannot conceive either where or when I am likely to see you. As to my co-heirs to the property of Fufidius, there was no occasion for you to write to me: for their demand is in itself equitable, and whatever arrangement you had made I should have regarded as right and proper. As to the repurchase of the property at Frusino, you have for some time past been acquainted with my wishes. Although my affairs were then in a better position, and I was not expecting such a desperate situation, I am nevertheless in the same mind. Please see how it may be brought about. And I beg you to consider, to the best of your ability, whence I may raise the necessary funds. Such means as I had I transferred to Pompey at a time when it seemed a prudent thing to do. At that time, therefore, I took up money from your steward as well as borrowing from other sources; the time when Quintus writes to complain that I never gave him a farthing — I who was never asked for it by him, or had myself set eyes on the money. But pray see what can be scraped together, and what advice you would give on all points. You know the ins and outs of it. Grief prevents my writing more. If there is anything you think ought to be written to anybody in my name, pray do as usual: and whenever you find anybody to whom you can intrust a letter for me, I beg you not to omit doing so. Good-bye.

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    § Att.11.14 CDXXVII (Att. XI, 14) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM (APRIL) The candour of your letter does not offend me, because you do not endeavour even tentatively to console me, as was your wont, under the weight of public and personal misfortunes, but acknowledge that that is now impossible. For things are not even as they were before, when, if nothing else, I thought that I had comrades and partners in my policy. For now all the petitioners in Achaia and in Asia also, who have received no pardon, and even those who have, are said to be about to sail into Africa. So I have no one now except Laelius to share my error: and even he is in a better position than I am in that he has been received back. But about myself I have no doubt Caesar has written to Balbus and to Oppius, by whom, if they had had anything pleasant to report, I should have been informed, and they would have spoken to you. Pray have some talk with them on this point, and write me word of their answer not that any security granted by Caesar is likely to have any certainty, still one will be able to consider things and make some provision for the future. Though I shun the sight of all, especially with such a son-in-law as mine, yet in such a state of misery I can't think of anything else to wish. Quintus is going on in the old way, as both Pansa and Hirtius have written to tell me — and he is also said to be making for Africa with the rest. I will write to Minucius at Tarentum and send him your letter: I will write and tell you if I come to any settlement. I should have been surprised at your being able to find thirty sestertia, had there not been a good surplus from the sale of the Fufidian estates. But my eager desire now is for yourself, to see whom, if it is in any way possible (and circumstances make it desirable), I am very anxious. The last act is being played: what its nature is it is easy to estimate at Rome, more difficult here. 123

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    § Att.11.15 CDXXVIII (Att. XI, 15) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 14 MAY: As you give me good and sufficient reasons why I cannot see you at this time, I beg you to tell me what I ought to do. For it seems to me that, though Caesar is holding Alexandria, he is ashamed even to send a despatch on the operations there. Whereas these men in Africa seem to be on the point of coming over here: so, too, the Achaean refugees seem to intend returning from Asia to join them, or to stay in some neutral place. What therefore do you think I ought to do? I quite see that it is difficult to advise. For I am the only one (or with one other ) for whom neither a return to the one party is possible, nor a gleam of hope visible from the other. But nevertheless I should like to know what your opinion is, and that was the reason among others why I wished to see you, if it could be managed. I wrote before to tell you that Minucius had only paid twelve sestertia: please see that the balance is provided. Quintus wrote to me not only without any strong appeal for pardon, but in the most bitter style, while his son did so with astonishing malignity. No sorrow can be imagined with which I am not crushed. Yet everything is more bearable than the pain caused by my error: that is supreme and abiding. If I were destined to have the partners in that error that I expected, it would nevertheless be but a poor consolation. But the case of all the rest admits of some escape, mine of none. Some because they were taken prisoners, others because their way was barred, avoid having their loyalty called in question, all the more so, of course, now that they have extricated themselves and joined forces again. Why, even the very men who of their own free will went to Fufius can merely be counted wanting in courage. Finally, there are many who will be taken back, in whatever way they return to that party. So you ought to be the less astonished that I cannot hold up against such violent grief. For I am the only one whose error cannot be repaired, except perhaps Laelius — but what alleviation is that to me? — for they say that even Gaius Cassius has changed his mind about going to Alexandria. I write this to you, not that you may be able to remove my anxiety, but to know whether you have any suggestion to make in regard to the distresses that are sapping my strength, to which are now added my son-in-law, and the rest that I am prevented by my tears from writing. Nay, even Aesop's son wrings my heart. There is absolutely nothing wanting to make me the most unhappy of men. But to return to my first question — what do you think I ought to do? Should I remove secretly to some place nearer Rome, or should I cross the sea? For remaining here much longer is out of the question. Why could no settlement he come to about the property of Fufidius? For the arrangement was one about which there is not usually any dispute, when the portion which is thought of the less value can be made up by putting the property up to auction among the heirs. I have a motive for asking the question: for I suspect that my co-heirs think that my position is doubtful, and therefore prefer allowing the matter to remain unsettled. Good-bye. 15 May.

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    § Att.11.16 CDXXIX (Att. XI, 16) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 3 JUNE: IT is by no fault of mine this time — for I did commit an error formerly — that the letter you forward brings me no consolation. For it is written in a grudging spirit, and gives rise to strong suspicions of not really being from Caesar, suspicions which I think have occurred to yourself. About going to meet him I will do as you advise. The fact is that there is no belief prevalent as to his coming, nor do those who arrive from Asia say that anything has been heard about a peace, the hope of which caused me to fall into this trap. I see no reason for entertaining hopes, especially in the present circumstances, when such disaster has been sustained in Asia, in Illyricum, in the Cassius affair, in Alexandria itself, in the city, in Italy. In my opinion, even if he is going to return (he is said to be still engaged in war) the business will be all settled before his return. You say that a certain feeling of exultation on the part of the loyalists was roused on hearing of the receipt of this letter: you of course omit nothing in which you think that there is any consolation; but I cannot be induced to believe that any loyalist could think that any salvation has been of such value in my eyes, as to make me ask it of Caesar — much less should I be likely to do so now that I have not a single partner even in this policy. Those in Asia are waiting to see how things turn out. Those in Achaia also keep dangling before Fufius the hope that they will petition for pardon. These men had at first the same reason for fear as I had, and the same policy. The check at Alexandria has improved their position, it has ruined mine. Wherefore I now make the same request to you as in my previous letter, that, if you can see in the midst of this desperate state of things what you think I ought to do, you would tell me of it. Supposing me to be received back by this party, which you see is not the case, yet, as long as there is war, I cannot think what to do or where to stay: still less, if I am rejected by them. Accordingly, I am anxious for a letter from you, and beg you to write to me without hesitation. You advise me to write to Quintus about this letter of Caesar's: I would have done so, if it had been in any way one agreeable to me; although I have received a letter from a certain person in these words: “Considering the evil state of things, I am pretty comfortable at Patrae: I should be still more so, if your brother spoke of you in terms suited to my feelings.” You say that Quintus writes you word that I never answer his letters. I have only had one from him; to that I gave an answer to Cephalio, who, however, was kept back several months by bad weather. I have already told you that the young Quintus has written to me in the most offensive terms. The last thing I have to say is to beg you, if you think it a right thing to do and what you can undertake, to communicate with Camillus and make a joint representation to Terentia about making a will. The state of the times is a warning to her to take measures for satisfying all just claims upon her. Philotimus tells me that she is acting in an unprincipled way. I can scarcely believe it, but at any rate, if there is anything that can be done, measures should be taken in time. Pray write to me on every sort of subject, and especially what you think about her, in regard to whom I need your advice, even though you fail to hit upon any plan: I shall take that to mean that the case is desperate. 3 June.

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    § Att.11.17 CDXXX (Att. XI, 17) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 14 JUNE: I am giving this letter to another man's letter-carriers, who are in a hurry to start; that, and the fact that I am about to send my own, accounts for its brevity. My daughter Tullia reached me on the 12th of June, and expatiated at great length on your attention and kindness to her, and gave me three letters. I, however, have not got the pleasure from her own virtue, gentleness, and affection which I ought to get from a matchless daughter, but have even been overwhelmed with extraordinary sorrow, to think that a character like hers should be involved in circumstances of such distress, and that that should occur from no fault of hers, but from my own consummate folly. Accordingly, I am not expecting from you now either consolation, which I see you desire to offer, or advice, which is impossible of adoption; and I understand on many occasions from your previous, as well as from your last letters, that you have tried everything practicable. I am thinking of sending my son with Sallustius to Caesar. As for Tullia, I see no motive for keeping her with me any longer in such a sad state of mutual sorrow. Accordingly, I am going to send her back to her mother as Soon as she will herself consent to go. In return for the letter which you wrote in the consolatory style, pray consider that I have made the only answer which you will yourself understand to have been possible. You say that Oppius has had some talk with you: what he said does not at all disagree with my suspicion about it. But I have no doubt that it would be impossible to persuade that party that their proceedings could have my approval, whatever language I were to hold. However, I will be as moderate as I can. Although what it should matter to me that I incur their odium I don't understand. I perceive that you are prevented by a good reason from coming to see us, and that is a matter of great regret to me. There is no news of Caesar having left Alexandria; but all agree that no one has come from there either since the 15th of March, and that he has written no letters since the 13th of December. This shows you that there was nothing genuine about that letter of the 9th of February — which would have been quite unimportant, even if it had been genuine. I am informed that L. Terentius has left Africa and come to Paestum. What his mission is, or how he got out of the country, or what is going on in Africa, I should like to know. For he is said to have been passed out by means of Nasidius. What it all means pray write me word if you discover it. I will do as you say about the ten sestertia. Good-bye. 14 June.

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    § Att.11.18 CDXXXII (Att. XI, 18) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 19 JUNE: ABOUT Caesar's departure from Alexandria there is as yet no rumour, and, on the contrary, there is an opinion that he is in serious difficulties. Accordingly, I shall not send my son, as I had intended, and I beg you to get me out of this place. For any punishment is less galling than a continuance here. On this subject I have written both to Antony and to Balbus and Oppius. For whether there is to be war in Italy, or whether he will employ his fleet, in either case this is the last place for me. Perhaps it will be both: certainly there will be one or the other. I understood clearly from Oppius's remarks, which you reported to me, what the anger of that party against me is: but I beg you to divert it. I expect nothing at all now that is not unhappy. But nothing can be more abominable than the place in which I now am. Wherefore I would like you to speak both to Antony and to the Caesarians with you, and get the matter through for me as well as you can, and write to me on all subjects as soon as possible. Good-bye. 19 June.

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    § Att.11.25 CDXXXIV (Att. XI, 25) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 5 JULY: I have no difficulty in agreeing with your letter, in which you point out at considerable length that there is no advice by which I can be aided by you. At least there is no consolation capable of relieving my sorrow. For nothing has been brought upon me by chance — for that would have been endurable — but I have created it all by those mistakes and miserable conditions of mind and body, to which I only wish those nearest and dearest to me had preferred to apply remedies! Therefore, since I have no ray of hope either of advice from you or of any consolation, I will not ask you for them in future. I would only ask one thing of you — that you should not omit writing to me whatever comes into your mind, whenever you have anyone to whom you can give a letter, and as long as there shall be anyone to whom to write, which won't be very long. There is a rumour of a doubtful sort that Caesar has quitted Alexandria. It arose from a letter from Sulpicius, which all subsequent messengers have confirmed. Since it makes no difference to me, I don't know whether I should prefer this news being true or false. As to what I said some time ago to you about Terentia's will, I should like it preserved in the custody of the Vestals. I am worn out and harassed to death by the folly of this most unhappy girl. I don't think there was ever such a creature born. If any measure of mine can do her any good, I should like you to tell me of it. I can see that you will have the same difficulty as you had before in giving me advice — but this is a matter that causes me more anxiety than everything else. I was blind to pay the second instalment. I wish I had done otherwise: but that's past and done with. I beg of you that, considering the ruinous state of affairs, if any money can be collected or got together and put in safe hands, from sale of plate and the fairly abundant furniture, you would take steps to do so. For I think that the worst is hard upon us, that there will be no making of peace, and that the present regime will collapse even without an opponent. Speak to Terentia also on this subject, if you think it right, at some convenient opportunity. I can't write all I have to say. Good-bye. 5 July.

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    § Att.11.23 CDXXXV (Att. XI, 23) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 9 JULY: On the subject on which I wrote to ask you to consult with Camillus, he has himself written to say that you have spoken to him. I am waiting for a letter from you — but I do not see how it can be changed if it is other than it should be. But having received a letter from him, I wanted one from you, though I think that you have not been informed on the subject I only hope that you are well! For you mentioned that you were suffering from a sort of illness. A certain Agusius arrived from Rhodes on the 8th of July. He brings word that young Quintus started to join Caesar on the 29th of May, that Philotimus arrived at Rhodes on the day previous, and had a letter for me. You will hear what Agusius himself has to say: but he is travelling rather slowly. Therefore I have contrived to give this to some one who goes quickly. I don't know what that letter Contains, but my brother Quintus offers me cordial congratulations. For my part, considering my egregious blunder, I cannot even imagine anything happening that can be endurable to me. I beg you to think about my poor girl, and about what I wrote to you in my last — that some money should be got together to avert destitution, and about the will itself. The other thing also I could have wished that I had done before, but I was afraid of taking any step. The best alternative in a very bad business was a divorce. I should then have behaved something like a man — on the ground either of his proposals for abolition of debts, or his night assaults on houses, or his relations with Metella, or his ill conduct generally: and then I should not have lost the money, and should have shown myself to possess some manly indignation. I quite remember your letter, but I also remember the circumstance of the time: yet anything would have been better. As it is, indeed, he seems to intend to divorce her: for I am told about the statue of Clodius. To think that a son-in-law of mine, of all people in the world, should do that, or propose the abolition of debts! I am of opinion, therefore, and so are you, that a notice of divorce should be sent by her. He will perhaps claim the third instalment. Consider, therefore, whether the divorce should be allowed to originate with him, or whether we should anticipate him. If I can do so by any means, even by travelling at night, I will try to see you. Meanwhile, pray write to me about these matters, and anything else which it may be my interest to know. Good-bye.

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    § Att.11.19 CDXXXVIII (Att. XI, 19) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 22 JULY: As I had the opportunity of giving a letter to your servants I would not pass it by, though I have nothing to say. You yourself write to me more rarely than you used, and more briefly: I suppose because you have nothing to say which you suppose that I can read or hear with pleasure. But indeed I would have you write, whatever and of what kind soever it may be. The fact is that there is only one thing capable of exciting a wish in me — the chance of negociation for peace: and of that I have absolutely no hope. But because from time to time you hint faintly at it, you compel me to hope for what hardly admits of a wish. Philotimus is announced for the 13th of August. I have no farther information about him. Please let me have an answer to my previous letter to you. All the time I need is just enough to allow of my taking some precautions — I who never took any. Good-bye. 22 July.

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    § Att.11.24 CDXXXIX (Att. XI, 24) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 6 AUGUST: What you said some time ago in a letter to me, and about me to Tullia — with a view of its reaching me also — feel to be true. It adds to my misery, though I thought no addition possible, that, when most flagrantly wronged, I cannot with impunity show, not only any anger, but even vexation. Let me, therefore, put up with that. But when I have swallowed it, I shall yet have to endure the very things which you warn me to be on my guard against. For the blunder I have committed is such, that, whatever the final settlement and the sentiments of the people may be, its result seems likely to be the same. Here I take the pen into my own hands; for what follows must be treated more confidentially. See, I beg you, even now to the will, which was made at the time when she began to be in difficulties. She did not trouble you, for she never asked you even a question, nor me either. But assuming this to be the case, you will be able — as you have now got to the point of speaking about it — to suggest to her to deposit it with some one, whose position is not affected by the result of this war. For my part, I should prefer you to everybody, if she agreed in wishing it. But the fact is, I keep the poor woman in the dark as to this particular fear of mine. 149About my other suggestion, I know, of course, that nothing can be sold at present: but they might be stowed away and concealed, so as to be out of reach of the impending crash. For as to what you say about my fortune and yours being at Tullia's service — I have no doubt as to yours, but what can there be of mine? Again, about Terentia — I omit innumerable other points — what can go beyond this? You wrote to her to send me a bill of twelve sestertia, saying that that was the balance of the money. She sent me ten, with a note declaring that to be the balance. When she has deducted such a petty sum from so trifling a total, you can feel pretty sure what she has done in the case of a very large transaction. Philotimus not only does not come himself, but does not inform me even by letter or messenger what he has done. People coming from Ephesus bring word that they saw him there going into court on some private suits of his own, which are themselves perhaps — for so it seems likely — being postponed till the arrival of Caesar. Accordingly, I presume either that he has nothing which he considers that there need be any hurry about conveying to me, or that I am such an object of contempt in my misfortunes, that, even if he has anything, he does not trouble himself about conveying it until he has settled all his own concerns. This annoys me very much, but not so much as I think it ought. For I consider that nothing matters less to me than the nature of any communication from that quarter. I feel sure you understand why I say that. You advise me to accommodate my looks and words to the circumstances of the time. It is difficult to do so, yet I would have put that restraint upon myself, had I thought that it was of any importance to me. You say that you think that the African affair may be patched up. I wish you had told me why you think so: for my part, nothing occurs to my mind to make me think it possible. However, pray write and tell me if there is anything to suggest any consolation: but if, as I am clear, there is nothing of that nature, write and tell me even that fact. I, on my side, will write you word of anything which reaches me first. Good-bye. 6 August.

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    § Att.11.20 CDXLII (Att. XI, 20) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 15 AUGUST: On the 14th of August Gaius Trebonius arrived from Seleucia Pieria after twenty-seven days' journey, to tell me that at Antioch he saw the younger Quintus in Caesar's company along with Hirtius: that they had got all they wanted in regard to the elder Quintus, and that without any trouble. I should have been more rejoiced at this if the concessions to myself conveyed any certainty of hope. But, in the first place, there are others, and among them Quintus, father and son, from whom I have reason to entertain other fears; and, in the next place, grants made by Caesar himself as absolute master are again within his power to revoke. He has pardoned even Sallustius: he is said to refuse absolutely no one. This in itself suggests the suspicion that judicial investigation is held over for another time. M. Gallius, son of Quintus, has restored Sallustius his slaves. He came to transport the legions to Sicily: he said that Caesar intends to go thither straight from Patrae. If he does that I shall come to some place nearer Rome, which I could wish I had done before. I am eagerly waiting for your answer to my last letter, in which I asked for your advice. Good-bye. 15 August.

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    § Att.11.21 CDXLIII (Att. XI, 21) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM, 25 AUGUST: On the 25th of August I received a letter from you dated the 19th, and I experienced on reading his epistle a very painful renewal of the sorrow which had been long ago caused me by Quintus's misconduct, but which I had by this time shaken off. Though it was impossible for you not to send me that letter, yet I should have preferred that it had not been sent. In regard to what you say about the will, please consider what should be done and how. In regard to the money, she has herself written in the sense of my previous letter to you, and, if it is necessary, I will draw on the sum you mention. Caesar does not seem likely to be at Athens by the 1st of September. Many things are said to detain him in Asia,'above all Pharnaces. The 12th legion, which Sulla visited first, is said to have driven him off with a shower of stones. It is thought that none of the legions will stir. Caesar, people think, will go straight to Sicily from Patrae But if that is so, he must necessarily come here. Yet I should have preferred his going from there; for in that case I should have got away somehow or other. As it is, I fear I must wait for him, and, among other misfortunes, my poor Tullia must also endure the unhealthy climate of the place. You advise me to make my actions square with the time: I would have done so, had circumstances allowed of it, and had it been in any way possible. But in view of the prodigious blunders made by myself, and the wrongs inflicted upon me by my relations, there is no possibility of doing anything or keeping up any pretext worthy of my character. You compare the Sullan period: but, if we regard the principle of that movement, it was everything that was most eminent; where it failed was in a want of moderation in its execution. The present movement, on the other hand, is of such a character, that I forget my own position, and much prefer the general advantage to that of the party, with whose interests I have identified my own. Nevertheless pray write to me as often as possible, and the more so that no one else writes; and yet, if everybody did, I should still look forward to your letters most. You say that Caesar will be more kindly disposed to Quintus thanks to me: I have already told you that he at once granted everything to the younger Quintus and said never a word about me. Goodbye.

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    § Att.11.22 CDXLIV (Att. XI, 22) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) BRUNDISIUM (LATE IN AUGUST) BALBUS'S letter-carrier delivered me the packet with all promptness. I say this because I have a letter from you in which you seem to fear that I have not received those letters, which in fact I could wish had never been delivered to me. For they increased my misery, and, if they had fallen into anyone else's hands, they would not have inflicted any fresh harm upon me. For what can be more universally notorious than his rage against me and the sort of letter he writes?-a kind of letter which even Caesar appears to have sent to his friends at Rome, not because he was shocked at his unprincipled conduct, but, I believe, to make my miserable position better known. You say that you are afraid that they will do Quintus harm, and that you are trying to remedy the mischief. Why! Caesar did not even wait to be asked about him. I don't mind that; but what I mind more is that the favours granted to myself have no stability. Sulla, I believe, will be here tomorrow with Messalla. They are hurrying to Caesar after being driven away by the soldiers, who say that they will go nowhere until they' have got what was promised them. Therefore he will come here, though slowly: for, though he is keeping on the move, he devotes many days to the several towns. Moreover, Pharnaces, whatever course he takes, must cause him delay. What, then, do you think I should do? For by this time I am scarcely strong enough physically to endure the unhealthiness of this climate, because it adds bodily suffering to mental pain. Should I commission these two who are going to him, to make my excuses, and myself go nearer Rome? I beg you to consider it, and as hitherto, in spite of frequent requests, you have declined to do, aid me by your advice. I know that it is a difficult question; but it is a choice of evils, and it is of great importance to me that I should see you. If that could be brought about, I should certainly make some advance. As to the will, as you say, pray attend to

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    § Att.12.2 CDLVII (Att. XII, 2) TO ATTICUS (IN THE COUNTRY) ROME (APRIL) Well, all the same, there are reports here that Statius Murcus has been lost at sea, that Asinius reached land to fall into the hands of the soldiers, that fifty ships have been carried ashore at Utica by the contrary wind now prevailing, that Pompeius is nowhere to be seen and has not been in the Balearic isles at all, as Paciaecus asserts. But there is absolutely no confirmation of any single thing. I have told you what people have been saying in your absence. Meanwhile, there are games at Praeneste. Hirtius and all that set were there. Indeed, the games lasted eight days. What dinners! what gaiety! Meantime, perhaps the great question has been settled. What astonishing people! But — you say — Balbus is actually building; for what does he care? But, if you ask my opinion, is not life all over with a man who makes only pleasure, and not right, his aim? You meanwhile slumber on. The time has come to solve the problem, if you mean to do anything. If you want to know what I think — I think “enjoy while you can.” But why run on? I shall see you soon, and indeed I hope you will come straight to me when you get back. For I will arrange a day for Tyrannio at the same time, and anything else suitable.

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    § Att.12.5 CDLXV (Att. XII, 5) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) TUSCULUM, 12 JUNE: I have sent Tiro to meet Dolabella. He will be returning to me on the 13th. I shall expect you the next day. I see that you regard my dear Tullia's interests as of the first importance. I beg you earnestly to let it be so. So then she is still completely uncommitted; for so you say in your letter. Though I had to avoid the Kalends, and shun the “originals” of the Nicasiones, and had to balance my accounts, yet there was nothing to make up for my absence from you. When I was at Rome and thought every moment that I was going to catch a sight of you, even so every day the hours of waiting seemed long. You know I am by no means a flatterer, and so I considerably understate my feelings.

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    § Att.12.3 CDLXVI (Att. XII, 3) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) TUSCULUM, 13 JUNE: I regard you as the one man who is less of a flatterer than myself, and if we both are sometimes such towards some one else, we are never so to each other. So listen to what I say in all plainness and sincerity. May I perish, my dear Atticus, if, I don't say my Tusculan villa — where in other respects I am very happy — but even “the islands of the blest ” are in my eyes worth an absence of so many days from you. Wherefore let us harden ourselves to endure these three days-assuming you to be in the same state of feeling as myself, which is surely the case. But I should like to know whether you are coming today immediately after the auction, or on what day. Meanwhile I am busy with my books, and am much inconvenienced by not having Vennonius's history. However, not to omit business altogether, that debt which Caesar assigned to me admits of being recovered in three ways: first, purchase at the auction — but I would rather lose it, although, let alone the disgrace, that is as good as losing it. Secondly, a bond payable a year hence from the purchaser — but who is there I can trust, and when will that “year of Meton ” come? Thirdly, accepting half down on the proposal of Vettienus. Look into the matter therefore. And indeed I am afraid Caesar may now not have the auction at all, but when the games are over will hurry off to the aid of ( Q. Pedius ), lest such a great man should be treated with neglect But I will see to it. Pray take good care of Attica, and give her and Pilia, as well as Tullia, the kindest messages from me.

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    § Att.12.4 CDLXVII (Att. XII, 4) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) TUSCULUM, 14 JUNE: What a welcome and delightful letter! Need I say more? It is a red-letter day with me after all. For I was made anxious by Tiro's telling me that you seemed to him somewhat flushed. I will therefore add one day to my stay here, in accordance with your wish. But that about Cato is a problem requiring an Archimedes. I cannot succeed in writing what your guests can possibly read, I don't say with pleasure, but even without irritation. Nay, even if I keep clear of his senatorial speeches, and of every wish and purpose which he entertained in politics, and chose in merely general terms to eulogise his firmness and consistency, even this in itself would be no pleasant hearing for your friends. But that great man cannot be praised as he really deserves unless the following topics are dilated upon: his having seen that the present state of things was to occur, his having exerted himself to prevent them, and his having quitted life to avoid seeing what has actually happened. What point is there in these on which I could possibly secure the approval of Aledius? But, I beseech you, be careful about your health and bring the prudence, which you apply to all matters, to bear before everything else on getting well.

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    § Att.12.5 CDLXIX (Att. XII, 5) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) TUSCULUM (JULY) “Quintus the elder for the fourth time” (or rather for the thousandth time) — - is a fool, for being rejoiced at his son's appointment as a Lupercus, and at Statius — that he may see his family overwhelmed with a double dishonour! I may add a third in the person of Philotimus. What unparalleled folly, unless indeed mine can beat it! But what impudence to ask a subscription from you for such a purpose! Granted that he did not come to a “fount athirst,” but a “ Peirene ” and a “holy well-spring of Alphaeus ” — to drain you as though you were a fountain, as you say, and that, too, at a time when you are so seriously embarrassed! Where will such conduct end? But that's his affair. I am much pleased with my Cato: but so is Lucilius Bassus with his compositions.

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    § Att.12.6 CDXCVII (Att. XII, 6) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ROME, THE SECOND INTERCALARY MONTH As to Caelius, please see that there is no defect in the gold. I don't know anything about such matters. But at any rate there is quite enough loss on exchange. If to this is added gold...but why need I talk? You will see to it. That is a specimen of the style of Hegesias, which Varro commends. Now I come to Tyrannio. Do you really mean it? Was this fair? Without me? Why, how often, though quite at leisure, did I yet refuse without you? How will you excuse yourself for this? The only way of course is to send me the book; and I beg you earnestly to do so. And yet the book itself will not give me more pleasure than your admiration of it has already done. For I love everyone who “loves learning,” and I rejoice at your feeling such a great admiration for that essay on a minute point. However, you are that sort of man in everything. You want to know, and that is the only food of the intellect. But pray what did you get that contributed to your summum bonum from that acute and grave essay? However, I am talking too much, and you have been occupied in some business which is perhaps mine: and in return for that dry basking of yours in the sun, of which you took such full advantage on my lawn, I shall ask of you in return some sunshine and a good dinner. But I return to what I was saying. The book, if you love me, send me the book! It is certainly yours to give, since indeed it was dedicated to you. “What, Chremes, Have you such leisure from your own affairs as even to read my'Orator'? Well done! I am pleased to hear it, and shall be still more obliged if, not only in your own copy, but also in those meant for others, you will make your scribes alter' Eupolis' to' Aristophanes.' Caesar again seemed to me to smile at your word quaeso, as being somewhat'fanciful' and cockneyfied. But he bade you to have no anxiety in such a cordial manner, that he relieved me of all feeling of doubt. I am sorry that Attica's ague is so lingering, but since she has now got rid of shivering fits, I hope all is well.

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    § Att.12.7 CDXCVIII (Att. XII, 7) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) TUSCULUM (SECOND INTERCALARY MONTH?) I have already written all you want in a note and given it to Eros, briefly, but even more than you ask. In it I have spoken about my son, of whose idea you gave me the first hint. I said to him in the most liberal manner what I should like you, if it is convenient to you, to learn from his own mouth. But why put it off? I explained to him that you had reported to me his wishes and what means he required: ”He wished to go to Spain; he wanted a liberal allowance." As to a liberal allowance, I said that he should have as much as Publius gave his son, and the flamen Lentulus gave his. As to Spain, I put before him two objections, first, the one I mentioned to you, the fear of adverse criticism — “Was it not enough that we abandoned the war? Must we even fight on the other side?” And secondly, that he would certainly be annoyed at being surpassed by his cousin in intimacy with Caesar and every kind of favour. I could wish that he would take advantage of my liberality, rather than of his own freedom of action: nevertheless, I gave the permission: for I had been given to understand that you were not much against it. I will think over the subject earnestly, and beg that you will do the same. It is an important step: to stay at home involves no complications, the other course is risky. But we will see. About Balbus I had already written in the note, and I think of doing as you suggest as soon as he returns. But if he is somewhat slow in coming, I shall in any case be three days at Rome: and, oh! I forgot to say, Dolabella also will be with me.

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    § Att.12.8 CDXCIX (Att. XII, 8) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) TUSCULUM (SECOND INTERCALARY MONTH) As to my son, my plan meets with wide approval. I have got a suitable travelling companion for him. But let us first see about getting the first instalment. For the day is fast approaching, and Dolabella is hurrying away. Write and tell me, pray, what Celer reports Caesar to have settled about the candidates. Does the great man think of going to the plain of the Fennel or to the plain of Mars? And, finally, I should very much like to know whether there is any positive necessity for my being at Rome for the comitia: for I must do what Pilia wishes, and anyhow what Attica does.

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    § Att.12.11 D (Att. XII, 11) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) TUSCULUM (SECOND INTERCALARY MONTH) I am sorry to hear about Seius. But we must put up with whatever is natural to man. Why, what are we ourselves, and how long are we destined to feel for such things? Let me look to what is more within my control-yet, after all, not much more so — namely, what I am to do about the senate. And, not to omit anything, Caesonius has written to me to say that Sulpicius's wife Postumia has been to call on him. As to the daughter of Pompeius Magnus, I wrote you back word that I wasn't thinking about her at the present moment. That other lady whom you mention I think you know. I never saw anything uglier. But I am soon to be in town. Therefore we'll talk about it. P.S. After I had sealed my packet I received your letter. I am glad to hear that Attica is so cheerful; I am sorry for the slight attack.

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    § Att.12.1 DIII (Att. XII, 1) TO ATTICUS (IN HIS SUBURBAN VILLA) ARPINUM, 24 NOVEMBER: ON the eleventh day from my parting from you I write this notelet on the point of quitting my villa before daybreak. Today I think of being at my house at Anagnia, tomorrow at Tusculum: there I stay one day. On the 27th, therefore, I start to meet you as arranged. And oh! that I might hurry straight to the embrace of my Tullia and to the lips of Attica! Pray write and tell me what those same lips are prattling of, so that I may know it while I am halting in my Tusculan villa: or, if she is ruralizing, what she writes to you. Meanwhile, send her by letter or give her yourself my kind love, as also to Pilia. But all the same, though we are to meet directly, write to me if you have anything to say. Just as I was folding up this letter, your courier arrived late at night with a letter from you. I have read it: I am, of course, very sorry to hear of Attica's feverish attack. Everything else that I wanted to know I learn from your letter. As to your saying that “a little fire in the morning is an old man's luxury” — it is still more an old man's way to be a trifle forgetful! I had appointed the 26th for Axius, the 27th for you, and the 28th (the day of my reaching Rome ) for Quintus. Pray consider that settled. There is no change. “Then what was the use of my writing?” What is the use of our talking when we meet and prattle about anything that occurs to us? A causerie is, after all, something: for, even though there is nothing in it substantial, there is a certain charm in the mere fact of our talking together. [The rest of the letters of this year are, with one or two exceptions, formal letters of introduction or recommendation. They do not admit of being dated, as to month or day.]

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    § Att.12.13 DXLIV (Att. XII, 13) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (7 MARCH) I393 am disturbed about Attica, though I agree with Craterus. Brutus's letter, full of wisdom and affection as it is, has yet cost me many tears. This solitude is less painful to me than the crowds of Rome. The only person I miss is yourself; but although I find no more difficulty in going on with my literary work than if I were at home, yet that passionate unrest haunts and never quits me, not, on my word, that I encourage it, I rather fight against it: still it is there. As to what you say about Appuleius, I don't think that there is any need for your exerting yourself, nor for applying to Balbus and Oppius, to whom he undertook to make things right, and even sent me a message to say that he would not be troublesome to me in any way. But see that my excuse of ill-health for each separate day is put in. Laenas undertook this. Add C. Septimius and L Statilius. In fact, no one, whomsoever you ask, will refuse to make the affidavit. But if there is any difficulty, I will come and make a sworn deposition myself of chronic ill-health. For since I am to absent myself from the entertainments, I would rather be thought to do so in virtue of the augural law, than in consequence of grief. Please send a reminder to Cocceius, for he does not fulfil his promise: while I am desirous of purchasing some hiding-place and refuge for my sorrow.

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    § Att.12.14 DXLV (Att. XII, 14) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (8 MARCH) I wrote to you yesterday about making my excuses to Appuleius. I think there is no difficulty. No matter to whom you apply, no one will refuse. But see Septimius, Laenas, and Statilius about it. For three are required. Laenas, however, undertook the whole business for me. You say that you have been dunned by Iunius: Cornificius is certainly a man of substance, yet I should nevertheless like to know when I am said to have given the guarantee, and whether it was for the father or son. None the less pray do as you say, and interview the agents of Cornificius and Appuleius the land-dealer. You wish me some relaxation of my mourning: you are kind, as usual, but you can bear me witness that I have not been wanting to myself. For not a word has been written by anyone on the subject of abating grief which I did not read at your house. But my sorrow is too much for any consolation. Nay, I have done what certainly no one ever did before me — tried to console myself by writing a book, which I will send to you as soon as my amanuenses have made copies of it. I assure you that there is no more efficacious consolation. I write all day long, not that I do any good, but for a while I experience a kind of check, or, if not quite that — for the violence of my grief is overpowering-yet I get some relaxation, and I try with all my might to recover composure, not of heart, yet, if possible, of countenance. When doing that I sometimes feel myself to be doing wrong, sometimes that I shall be doing wrong if I don't. Solitude does me some good, but it would have done me more good, if you after all had been here: and that is my only reason for quitting this place, for it does very well in such miserable circumstances. And even this suggests another cause of sorrow. For you will not be able to be to me now what you once were: everything you used to like about me is gone. I wrote to you before about Brutus's letter to me: it contained a great deal of good sense, but nothing to give me any comfort. As to his asking in his letter to you whether I should like him to come to see me — by all means: he would be sure to give me some help, considering his strong affection for me. If you have any news, pray write and tell me, especially as to when Pansa goes. I am sorry about Attica: yet I believe in Craterus. Tell Pilia not to be anxious: my sorrow is enough for us all.

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    § Att.12.15 DXLVI (Att. XII, 15) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (9 MARCH) SINCE you do not approve of a standing plea of ill-health, please see that my excuse is made each day to Appuleius. In this lonely place I have no one with whom to converse, and plunging into a dense and wild wood early in the day I don't leave it till evening. Next to you, I have no greater friend than solitude. In it my one and only conversation is with books. Even that is interrupted by tears, which I fight against as long as I can. But as yet I am not equal to it. I will answer Brutus, as you advise. You will get the letter tomorrow. Whenever you have anyone to take it, write me a letter.

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    § Att.12.16 DXLVII (Att. XII, 16) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (10 MARCH) I DON'T wish you to come to me to the neglect of your business. Rather I will come to you, if you are kept much longer. And yet I should never have gone so far as to quit your sight, had it not been that I was getting absolutely no relief from anything. But if any alleviation had been possible, it would have been in you alone, and as soon as it will be possible from anyone, it will be from you. Yet at this very moment I cannot stand being without you. But to stay at your town house was not thought proper, and it was impossible at mine; nor, if I had stopped at some place nearer Rome, should I have been with you after all. For the same reason would have hindered you from being with me, as hinders you now. As yet nothing suits me better than this solitude, which I fear Philippus will destroy: for he arrived at his villa yesterday evening. Writing and study do not soften my feelings, they only distract them.

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    § Att.12.18 DXLVIII (Att. XII, 18) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (11 MARCH) To fly from recollections, which make my soul smart as though it were stung, I take refuge in recalling my plans to your memory. Pray pardon me, whatever you think of this one. The fact is that I find that some of the authors, whom I am now continually reading, suggest as a proper thing to do just what I have often discussed with you, and for which I desire your approval. I mean about the shrine-pray think of it as earnestly as your affection for me should suggest. About the design I do not feel any doubt, for I like that of Cluatius, nor about the building of it at all — for to that I have made up my mind: but about the site I do sometimes hesitate. Pray therefore think over it. To the fullest capacity of such an enlightened age, I am quite resolved to consecrate her memory by every kind of memorial borrowed from the genius of every kind of artist, Greek or Latin. This may perhaps serve to irritate my wound: but I look upon myself as now bound by a kind of vow and promise. And the infinite time during which I shall be non-existent has more influence on me than this brief life, which yet to me seems only too long. For though I have tried every expedient, I find nothing to give me peace of mind. For even when I was composing that essay, of which I wrote to you before, I was in a way nursing my sorrow. Now I reject every consolation, and find nothing more endurable than solitude, which Philippus did not, as I feared, disturb. For after calling on me yesterday, he started at once for Rome. The letter which, in accordance with your advice, I have written to Brutus I herewith send you. Please see it delivered to him with your own. However, I am sending you a copy of it, in order that, if you disapprove, you should not send it. You say my domestic affairs are being managed properly: please tell me what they are. For there are some points on which I am expecting to hear. See that Cocceius does not play me false. For Libo's promise, mentioned by Eros in his letter, I regard as secure. As to my capital, I trust Sulpicius, and, of course, Egnatius. About Appuleius why need you trouble yourself, when my excuse is so easily made? Your coming to me, as you show an intention of doing, may, I fear, be difficult for you. It is a long journey, and when you went away again, which you will perhaps have to do very quickly, I should be unable to let you go without great pain. But all as you choose. Whatever you do will in my eyes be right, and done also in my interest.

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    § Att.12.17 DXLIX (Att. XII, 17) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (12 MARCH) MARCIANUS has written to tell me that my excuse was made to Appuleius by Laterensis, Naso, Laenas, Torquatus, Strabo: please see that a letter is sent to each of them in my name, thanking them for their kindness. As for the assertion of Flavius that more than twenty-five years ago I gave a guarantee for Cornificius, though he is a man of substance, and Appuleius is a respectable dealer in land, yet I should like you to take the trouble to ascertain by inspecting the ledgers of my fellow guarantors whether it is so. For before my aedileship I had no dealings with Cornificius, yet it may be the case all the same, but I should like to be sure. And call upon his agents for payment, if you think it right to do so. However, what does it matter to me? Yet, after all Write and tell me of Pansa's departure for his province when you know. Give my love to Attica, and take good care of her, I beseech you. My compliments to Pilia.

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    § Att.12.18 DL (Att. XII, 18) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (13 MARCH) HAVING learnt yesterday from the letters of others of Antony's arrival, I was surprised to find no mention of it in yours. But perhaps it was written the day before it was sent. It does not matter to me: yet my own idea is that he has hurried back to save his securities. You say that Terentia speaks about the witnesses to my will: in the first place, pray believe that I am not paying attention to things of that sort, and that I have no leisure for business which is either unimportant or fresh. Yet, after all, where is the analogy between us? She did not invite as witnesses those whom she thought would ask questions unless they knew the contents of her will. Was that a danger applicable to me? Yet, after all, let her do as I do. I will hand over my will for anyone she may select to read: she will find that nothing could have been in better taste than what I have done about my grandson. As for my not having invited certain witnesses: in the first place, it did not occur to me; and, in the second place, it did not occur to me because it was of no consequence. You know, if you have not forgotten, that I told you at the time to bring some of your friends: what need of a great many was there? For my part, I had bidden members of my household. At the time it was your opinion that I ought to send word to Silius: hence it came about that a message was sent to Publilius. But neither was necessary. This matter you will handle as you shall think right.

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    § Att.12.19 DLI (Att. XII, 19) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (14 MARCH) THIS is certainly a lovely spot, right in the sea, and within sight of Antium and Cerceii: but in view of the whole succession of owners — who in the endless generations to come may be beyond counting, supposing the present empire to remain — I must think of some means to secure it being made permanent by consecration. For my part, I don't want large revenues at all, and can put up with a little. I think sometimes of purchasing some pleasure-grounds across the Tiber, and principally for the reason that I don't think that there is any other position so much frequented. But what particular pleasure-grounds I shall purchase we will consider when we are together; but it must be on condition that the temple is finished this summer. Nevertheless, settle the contract with Apella of Chius for the columns. What you say about Cocceius and Libo I quite approve, especially as to my jury-service. If you have seen light at all about the question of my guarantee, and what after all Cornificius's agents say, I should like to know about it: but I don't wish you, when you are so busy, to bestow much trouble on that affair. About Antony, Balbus also in conjunction with Oppius wrote me a full account, and said that you had wished them to write to save me from anxiety. I have written to thank them. I should wish you to know however, as I have already written to tell you, that I was not alarmed by that news, and am not going to be alarmed by any in future. If Pansa has started for his province today, as you seemed to expect, begin telling me henceforward in your letters what you are expecting about the return of Brutus, that is to say, about what days. You will be easily able to guess that, if you know where he is. I note what you say to Tiro about Terentia: pray, my dear Atticus, undertake that whole business. You perceive that there is at once a question of duty on my part involved — of which you are cognizant-and, as some think, of my son's pecuniary interest. For myself, it is the former point that affects my feelings much the more strongly: it is more sacred in my eyes and more important, especially as I do not think we can count on the latter as being either sincerely intended or what we can rely upon.

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    § Att.12.20 DLII (Att. XII, 20) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (15 MARCH) You don't yet appear to me to be fully aware how indifferent I have been about Antony, and how impossible it is for anything of that sort now to disturb me. I wrote to you about Terentia in my letter of yesterday. You exhort me — Saying that other people look for it also — to hide the fact that my grief is as deep as it is. Could I do so more than by spending whole days in literary composition? Though my, purpose in doing so is not to hide, but rather to soften and heal my feelings: yet, if I don't do myself any good, I at least do what keeps up appearances. I write the less fully to you because I am waiting your answer to my letter of yesterday. What I most want to hear is about the temple, and also something about Terentia. Pray tell me in your next whether Cn. Caepio, father of Claudius's wife Servilia, perished in the shipwreck before or after his father's death: also whether Rutilia died in the lifetime of her son C. Cotta, or after his death. These facts affect the book I have written “On the Lessening of Grief.”

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    § Att.13.6 DLIII (Att. XIII, 6) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (16 MARCH) ABOUT the aqueduct you did quite right. You may perhaps find that I am not liable to the pillar-tax. However, I think I was told by Camillus that the law had been altered. What more decent answer can be given to Piso than the absence of Cato's guardians? Nor was it only from the heirs of Herennius that he borrowed money, as you know, for you discussed the matter with me, but also from the young Lucullus: and this money his guardian had raised in Achaia. I mention this because it is one element in the case also. But Piso is behaving well about it, for he says that he will do nothing against my wishes. So when we meet, as you say, we will settle how to untangle the business. You ask me for my letter to Brutus: I haven't got a copy of it, but it is in existence all the same, and Tiro says that you ought to have it. To the best of my recollection, along with his letter of remonstrance I sent you my answer to it also. Pray see that I am not troubled by having to serve on a jury.

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    § Att.12.12 DLV (Att. XII, 12) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (16 MARCH) As to the dowry, make a clean sweep of the business all the more. To transfer the debt to Balbus is a rather high and mighty proceeding. Settle it on any terms. It is discreditable that the matter should hang fire from these difficulties. The “island” at Arpinum might suit a real “dedication,” but I fear its out-of-the-way position would diminish the honour of the departed. My mind is therefore set on suburban pleasure-grounds: but I will wait to inspect them when I Come to town. As to Epicurus, it shall be as you please: though I intend to introduce a change in future into this sort of impersonation. You would hardly believe how keen certain men are for this honour. I shall therefore fall back on the ancients: that can create no jealousy. I have nothing to say to you; but in spite of that, I have resolved to write every day, to get a letter out of you. Not that I expect anything definite from your letters, but yet somehow or another I do expect it. Wherefore, whether you have anything or nothing to say, yet write something and — take care of yourself.

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    § Att.12.21 DLVI (Att. XII, 21) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (17 MARCH) I have read Brutus's letter, and hereby return it to you. it was not at all a well-informed answer to the criticisms which you had sent him. But that is his affair. Yet it is discreditable that he should be ignorant of this. He thinks that Cato was the first to deliver his speech as to the punishment of the conspirators, whereas everyone except Caesar had spoken before him. And whereas Caesar's own speech, delivered from the praetorian bench, was so severe, he imagines that those of the consulars were less so- Catulus, Servilius, the Luculli, Curio, Torquatus, Lepidus, Gellius, Volcatius, Figulus, Cotta, Lucius Caesar, Gaius Piso, Manius Glabrio, and even the consuls-designate Silanus and Muraena. “Why, then,” you may say, “was the vote on Cato's motion?” Because he had expressed the same decision in clearer and fuller words. Our friend Brutus again confines his commendation of me to my having brought the matter before the senate, without a word of my having unmasked the plot, of my having urged that measures should be taken, of having made up my mind on the subject before I brought it before the senate. It was because Cato praised these proceedings of mine to the skies, and moved that they should be put on record, that the division took place on his motion. Brutus again thinks he pays me a high compliment in designating me as “the most excellent consul.” Why, what opponent ever put it in more niggardly terms? But to your other criticisms what a poor answer! He only asks you to make the correction as to the decree of the senate. He would have done that much even at the suggestion of his copyist. But once more that is his affair. As to the suburban pleasure-grounds, as you approve of them, come to some settlement. You know my means. If, however, we get any more out of Faberius, there is no difficulty. But even without him I think I can get along. The pleasure-grounds of Drusus at least are for sale, perhaps those of Lamia and Cassius also. But this when we meet. About Terentia I can say nothing more to the point than you say in your letter. Duty must be my first consideration: if I have made any mistake, I would rather that I had reason to be dissatisfied with her than she with me. A hundred sestertia have to be paid to Ovia, wife of C. Lollius. Eros says he can't do it without me: I suppose because some land has to pass at a valuation between us. I could wish that he had told you. For if the matter, as he writes, is arranged, and he is not lying on that very point, it could have been settled by your agency. Pray look into and settle the business. You urge me to reappear in the forum: that is a place which I ever avoided even in my happier days. Why, what have I to do with a forum when there are no law courts, no senate-house, and when men are always obtruding on my sight whom I cannot see with any patience? You say people call for my presence at Rome, and are unwilling to allow me to be absent, or at any rate beyond a certain time: I assure you that it is long since I have valued your single self higher than all those people. Nor do I undervalue myself even, and I much prefer abiding by my own judgment than by that of all the rest. Yet, after all, I go no farther than the greatest philosophers think allowable, all whose writings of whatever kind bearing on that point I have not only read — which is itself being a brave invalid and taking one's physic — but have transcribed in my own essay. That at least did not look like a mind crushed and prostrate. From the use of these remedies do not call me back to the crowds of Rome, lest I have a relapse.

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    § Att.12.22 DLVII (Att. XII, 22) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (18 MARCH) I DO not recognize your usual consideration for me in throwing the whole burden upon my shoulders in regard to Terentia. For those are precisely the wounds which I cannot touch without a loud groan. Therefore I beg you to make the fairest settlement in your power. Nor do I demand of you anything more than you can do; yet it is you alone who can see what is fair. As to Rutilia, since you seem to be in doubt, please write and tell me when you ascertain the truth, and do so as soon as possible. Also whether Clodia survived her son Decimus Brutus, the ex-consul. The former may be ascertained from Marcellus, or at any rate from Postumia; the latter from M. Cotta or Syrus or Satyrus. As to the suburban pleasure-grounds, I am particularly urgent with you. I must employ all my own means, and those of men whom I know will not fail to help me: though I shall be able to do it with my own. I have also some property which I could easily sell. But even if I don't sell, but pay the vendor interest on the purchase money — though not for more than a year — I can get what I want if you will assist me. The most readily available are those of Drusus, for he wants to sell. The next I think are those of Lamia; but he is away. Nevertheless, pray scent out anything you can. Silius does not make any use of his either, and he will be very easily satisfied by being paid interest on the purchase money. Manage the business your own way; and do not consider what my purse demands — about which I care nothing — but what I want.

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    § Att.12.23 DLVIII (Att. XII, 23) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (19 MARCH) I thought that your letter was going to tell me some news, to judge from the opening sentence, which said that though I did not care about what was going on in Spain, you would yet write and tell me of it: but in point of fact you only answered my remark about the forum and senate-house. “But your town-house,” you say, “is a forum.” What do I want with a town-house itself, if I have no forum? Ruined, ruined, my dear Atticus! That has been the case for a long while, I know: but it is only now that I confess it, when I have lost the one thing that bound me to life. Accordingly, I seek solitude: and yet, if any necessity does take me to Rome, I shall try, if I possibly can — and I know I can — to let no one perceive my grief except you, and not even you if it can by any means be avoided. And, besides, there is this reason for my not coming. You remember the questions Aledius asked you. If they are so troublesome even now, what do you think they will be, if I come to Rome? Yes, settle about Terentia in the sense of your letter; and relieve me from this addition — though not the heaviest — to my bitter sorrows. To show you that, though in mourning, I am not prostrate, listen to this. You have entered in your Chronicle the consulship in which Carneades and the famous embassy came to Rome. I want to know now what the reason of it was. It was about Oropus I think, but am not certain. And if so, what were the points in dispute? And farther, who was the best known Epicurean of that time and head of the Garden at Athens? Also who were the famous political writers at Athens? These facts too, I think, you can ascertain from the book of Apollodorus. I am sorry to hear about Attica; but since it is a mild attack, I feel confident of all going well. About Gamala I had no doubt. For why otherwise was his father Ligus so fortunate? For what could I say of myself, who am incapable of having my grief removed, though all my wishes should be gratified. I had heard of the price put on Drusus's suburban pleasure-grounds, which you mention, and, as I think, it was yesterday that I wrote to you about it: but be the price what it may, what one is obliged to have is a good bargain. In my eyes, whatever you think — for I know what I think of myself — it brings a certain alleviation, if not of sorrow, yet of my sense of solemn obligation. I have written to Sicca because he is intimate with L. Cotta. If we don't come to terms about pleasure-grounds beyond the Tiber, Cotta has some at Ostia in a very frequented situation, though confined as to space. Enough, however, and more than enough for this purpose. Please think the matter over. And don't be afraid of the cost of the pleasure-grounds. I don't want plate, nor rich furniture coverings, nor particular picturesque spots: I want this. I perceive too by whom I can be aided. But speak to Silius about it. There's no better fellow. I have also given Sicca a commission. He has written back to say that he has made an appointment with him. He will therefore write and tell me what he has arranged, and then you must see to it.

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    § Att.12.24 DLIX (Att. XII, 24) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (20 MARCH) I am much obliged to Aulus Silius for having settled the business: for I did not wish to disavow him, and yet I was nervous as to what I could afford. Settle about Ovia on the terms you mention. As to my son, it seems time to arrange. But I want to know whether he can get a draft changed at Athens, or whether he must take the money with him. And with regard to the whole affair, pray consider how and when you think that he ought to go. You will be able to learn from Aledius whether Publilius is going to Africa, and when: please inquire and write me word. To return to my own triflings, pray inform me whether Publius Crassus, son of Venuleia, died in the lifetime of his father P. Crassus the ex-consul, as I seem to remember that he did, or after it. I also want to know about Regillus, son of Lepidus, whether I am right in remembering that his father survived him. Pray settle the business about Cispius, as also about Precius. As to Attica — capital! Give my kind regards to her and Pilia.

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    § Att.12.25 DLX (Att. XII, 25) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (21 MARCH) Sicca has written to me fully about Silius, and says that he has reported the matter to you — as you too mention in your letter. I am satisfied both with the property and the terms, only I should prefer paying ready money to assigning property at a valuation. For Silius will not care to have mere show-places: while, though I can get on with my present rents, I can scarcely do so with less. How am I to pay ready money? You can get 600 sestertia from Hermogenes, especially if it is absolutely necessary, and I find I have 600 in hand. For the rest of the purchase money I will even pay interest to Silius, pending the raising of the money from Faberius or from some debtor of Faberius. I shall besides get some from other quarters. But manage the whole business yourself. I, in fact, much prefer these suburban pleasure-grounds to those of Drusus: and the latter have never been regarded as on a level with them. Believe me, I am actuated by a single motive, as to which I know that I am infatuated. But pray continue as before to indulge my aberration. You talk about a “solace for my old age”: that is all over and done with; my objects now are quite different.

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    § Att.12.26 DLXI (Att. XII, 26) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA, 22 MARCH: SICCA says in his letter that, even if he has not concluded the business with Aulus Silius, he is coming to me on the 23rd. Your engagements are sufficient excuse in my eyes, for I know what they are. Of your wish to be with me, or rather your strong desire and yearning, I feel no doubt. You mention Nicias: if I were in a frame of mind to enjoy his cultivated conversation, there is no one whom I would have preferred to have with me. But solitude and retirement are now my proper sphere. And it was because Sicca is likely to be content with them, that I am the more looking forward to his visit. Besides, you know how delicate our friend Nicias is, how particular about his comforts and his habitual diet. Why should I consent to be a nuisance to him, when I am not in a state of mind to receive any pleasure from him? However, I am gratified by his wish. Your letter was all on one subject, as to which I have resolved to make no answer. For I hope I have obtained your consent to relieve me of that vexation. Love to Pilia and Attica.

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    § Att.12.27 DLXII (Att. XII, 27) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA, 23 MARCH: As to the bargain with Silius, though I am acquainted with the terms, still I expect to hear all about it today from Sicca. Cotta's property, with which you say that you are not acquainted, is beyond Silius's villa, which I think you do know: it is a shabby and very small house, with no farm land, and with sufficient ground for no purpose except for what I want it. What I am looking out for is a frequented position. But if the bargain for Silius's pleasure-grounds is completed, that is, if you complete it — for it rests entirely with you — there is of course no occasion for us to be thinking about Cotta's. As to my son, I will do as you say: I will leave the date to him. Please see that he is able to draw for what money he needs. If you have been able to get anything out of Aledius, as you say, write me word. I gather from your letter, as you certainly will from mine, that we neither of us have anything to say. Yet I cannot omit writing to you day after day on the same subjects — now worn threadbare — in order to get a letter from you. Still, tell me anything you know about Brutus. For I suppose he knows by this time where to expect Pansa. If; as usual, on the frontier of his province, it seems likely that he will be at Rome about the 1st of April. I could wish that it might be later: for I have many motives for shunning the city. Accordingly, I am even thinking whether I should draw up some excuse to present to him. That I see might easily be found. But we have time enough to think about it. Love to Pilia and Attica.

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    § Att.12.28 DLXIII (Att. XII, 28) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (24 MARCH) I have learnt nothing more about Silius from Sicca in conversation than I knew from his letter: for he had written in full detail If; therefore, you have an interview with him, write and tell me your views. As to the subject on which you say a message was sent to me, whether it was sent or not I don't know; at any rate not a word has reached me. Pray therefore go on as you have begun, and if you come to any settlement on such terms as to satisfy her — though I, for my part, think it impossible-take my son with you on your visit, if you think it right. It is of some importance to him to seem to have wished to do something to please. I have no interest in it beyond what you know, which I regard as important. You call upon me to resume my old way of life: well, it had long been my practice to bewail the republic, and that I was still doing, though somewhat less violently, for I had something capable of giving me ease. Now I positively pursue the old way of life and old employments; nor do I think that in that matter I ought to care for the opinion of others. My own feeling is more in my eyes than the talk of them all. As to finding consolation for myself in literature, I am content with my amount of success. I have lessened the outward signs of mourning: my sorrow I neither could, nor would have wished to lessen if I could. About Triarius you rightly interpret my wishes. But take no step unless the family are willing. I love him though he is no more, I am guardian to his children, I am attached to the whole household. As to the business of Castricius, — if Castricius will accept a sum for the slaves, and that at the present value of money, certainly nothing could be more advantageous. But if it has come to the point of his taking the slaves themselves away, I don't think it is fair, as you ask me to tell you what I really think: for I don't want my brother Quintus to have any trouble, and in that I think I have gathered that you agree with me. If Publilius is waiting for the aequinox — as you say that Aledius tells you — I think he must be on the point of sailing. He told me, however, that he was going by way of Sicily. Which of the two it is, and when, I should like to know. And I should like you some time or other, when convenient to yourself, to see young Lentulus, and assign to his service such of the slaves as you may think right. Love to Pilia and Attica.

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    § Att.12.29 DLXIV (Att. XII, 29) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA, 25 MARCH: SILIUS, you say, sees you today. Tomorrow therefore, or rather as soon as you can, you will write and tell me, if there is anything to tell after you have seen him. I neither avoid Brutus, nor after all expect any consolation from him. But there are reasons for my not wishing to be at Rome at the present juncture; and if those reasons remain in force, I must find some excuse with Brutus, and as at present advised they seem likely to remain in force. About the suburban pleasure-grounds do, I beseech you, come to some conclusion. The main point is what you know it to be. Another thing is that I want something of the sort for myself: for I cannot exist in a crowd, nor yet remain away from you. For this plan of mine I find nothing more suitable than the spot you mention, and on that matter pray tell me what you advise. I am quite convinced — and the more so because I perceive that you think the same — that I am regarded with warm affection by Oppius and Balbus. Inform them how strongly and for what reason I wish to have suburban pleasure-grounds, and that it is only possible if the business of Faberius is settled; and ask them therefore whether they will promise the future payment. Even if I must sustain some loss in taking ready money, induce them to go as far as they can in the matter — for payment in full is hopeless. You will discover, in fact, whether they are at all disposed to assist my design. If they are so, it is a great help; if not, let us push on in any way we can. Look upon it — as you say in your letter — as a solace for my old age, or as a provision for my grave. The property at Ostia is not to be thought of. If we can't get this one — and I don't think Lamia will sell — we must try that of Damasippus.

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    § Att.12.33 DLXV (Att. XII, 33) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (26 MARCH) As I wrote to you yesterday, if Silius is the sort of man you think and Drusus will not be obliging, I would have you approach Damasippus. He, I think, has broken up his property on the Tiber into lots of I don't know how many acres apiece, with a fixed price for each, the amount of which is not known to me. Write and tell me therefore whatever you have settled upon. I am very much troubled about our dear Attica's ill-health: it almost makes me fear that some indiscretion has been committed. Yet the good character of her tutor, the constant attention of her doctor, and the careful conduct in every particular of the whole establishment forbid me on the other hand to entertain that suspicion. Take care of her therefore. I can write no more.

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    § Att.12.30 DLXVI (Att. XII, 30) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA, 27 MARCH: I am trying to think of something to say to you; but there is nothing. The same old story every day. I am much obliged to you for going to see Lentulus. Assign some slaves to his service: I leave the number and choice of them to you. As to Silius being willing to sell, and on the question of price, you seem to be afraid first that he won't sell, and secondly not at that price. Sicca thought otherwise; but I agree with you. Accordingly, by his advice I wrote to Egnatius. Silius wishes you to speak to Clodius: you have my full consent; and it is more convenient that you should do so than, as he wished me to do, that I should write to Clodius myself. As to the slaves of Castricius I think Egnatius is making a very good bargain, as you say that you think will be the case. With Ovia pray let some settlement be made. As you say it was night when you wrote, I expect more in today's letter.

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    § Att.12.31 DLXVII (Att. XII, 31) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA, 28 MARCH: EGNATIUS has written to me. If he has said anything to you, as the matter can be settled most conveniently through him, please write and tell me. I think too that the negotiation should be pressed. For I don't see any possibility of coming to terms with Silius. Love to Pilia and Attica. What follows is by my own hand. Pray see what is to be done. Publilia has written to tell me that her mother, on the advice'of Publilius, is coming to see me with him and that she will come with them if I will allow it: she begs me in many words of intreaty that she may be allowed to do so, and that I would answer her letter. You see what an unpleasant business it is. I wrote back to say that it would be even more painful than it was when I told her that I wished to be alone, and that therefore I did not wish her to come to see me at this time. I thought that, if I made no answer, she would come with her mother: now I don't think she will. For it is evident that her letter is not her own composition. Now this is the very thing I wish to avoid, which I see will occur-namely, that they will come to my house: and the one way of avoiding it is to fly away. I would rather not, but I must. I beg you to find out the last day I can remain here without being caught. Act, as you say, with moderation. I would have you propose to my son, that is, if you think it fair, to adapt the expenses of this sojourn abroad to what he would have been quite content with, if; as he thought of doing, he had remained at Rome and hired a house — I mean to the rents of my property in the Argiletum and Aventine And in making that proposal to him, pray arrange the rest of the business for our supplying him with what he needs from those rents. I will guarantee that neither Bibulus nor Acidinus nor Messalla, who I hear are to be at Athens, will spend more than the sum to be received from these rents. Therefore, please investigate who the tenants are and what their rent is, and take care that the tenant is a man to pay to the day. See also what journey money and outfit will suffice. There is Certainly no need of a carriage and horses at Athens. For such as he wants for the journey there is enough and to spare at home, as you observe yourself.

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    § Att.12.31 DLXVIII (Att. XII, 31) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (29 MARCH) SICCA expresses surprise at Silius having changed his mind. He makes his son the excuse, and I don't think it a bad one, for he is a son after his own heart. Accordingly, I am more surprised at your saying that you think he will sell, if we would include something else which he is anxious to get rid of, as he had of his own accord determined not to do so. You ask me to fix my maximum price and to say how muck I prefer those pleasure grounds of Drusus. I have never set foot in them. I know Coponius's villa to be old and not very spacious, the wood a fine one, but I don't know what either brings in, and that after all I think we ought to know. But for me either one or the other is to be valued by my occasion for it rather than by the market price. Pray consider whether I could acquire them or not. If I were to sell my claim on Faberius, I don't doubt my being able to settle for the grounds of Silius even by a ready money payment, if he could only be induced to sell. If he had none for sale, I would have recourse to Drusus, even at the large price at which Egnatius told you that he was willing to sell. For Hermogenes can give me great assistance in finding the money. But I beg you to allow me the disposition of an eager purchaser; yet, though I am under the influence of this eagerness and of my sorrow, I am willing to be ruled by you.

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    § Att.12.34 DLXIX (Att. XII, 34) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA, 30 MARCH: I could get on here even without Sicca — for Tiro is better — very comfortably considering my troubles, but as you urge me to take care not to be caught (from which I am to understand that you are unable to fix a day for the departure I mentioned), I thought it would be more convenient to go to Rome, which I see is your opinion also. Tomorrow therefore I shall be in Sicca's suburban villa; thence, as you advise, I think I shall stay in your house at Ficulea. We will talk about the subject you mention when we meet, as I am coming in person. I am extraordinarily touched by your kindness, thoroughness, and wisdom, both in carrying out my business and in forming and suggesting plans to me in your letters. However, if you come to any understanding with Silius, even on the very day on which I am to arrive at Sicca's house, please let me know, and above all, what part of the site he wishes to withdraw from the sale. You say “the farthest” — take care that it isn't the very spot, for the sake of which I thought about the matter at all. I enclose a letter from Hirtius just received, and written in a kindly spirit.

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    § Att.12.35 DLXXVI (Att. XII, 35) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) (IN SICCA'S SUBURBAN VILLA, 1 OR 2 MAY?) BEFORE I left your house last it never occurred to me that if a sum was spent on the monument in excess of some amount or other allowed by the law, the same sum has to be paid to the exchequer. This would not have disturbed me at all, except that somehow or another — perhaps unreasonably — I should not like it to be known by any name except that of a “shrine.” That being my wish, I fear I cannot accomplish it without a change of site. Consider, please, what to make of this. For though I am feeling the strain less than I did, and have almost recovered my equanimity, yet I want your advice. Therefore I beg you again and again — more earnestly than you wish or allow yourself to be intreated by me — to give your whole mind to considering this question.

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    § Att.12.36 DLXXVII (Att. XII, 36) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (2 MAY) I WISH to have a shrine built, and that wish cannot be rooted out of my heart. I am anxious to avoid any likeness to a tomb, not so much on account of the penalty of the law as in order to attain as nearly as possible to an apotheosis. This I could do if I built it in the villa itself, but, as we often observed to each other, I dread the changes of owners. Wherever I constructed it on the land, I think I could secure that posterity should respect its sanctity. These foolish ideas of mine — for I confess them to be so-you must put up with: for I don't feel such confidence in taking even myself into my own confidence as I do in taking you. But if you approve of the idea, the site, and the plan, pray read the law and send it to me. If any method of evading it occurs to you, I will adopt it. If you are writing to Brutus at all, reproach him, unless you think you had better not, for not staying at my Cuman villa for the reason he gave you. For when I come to think of it I am of opinion that he couldn't have done anything ruder. Finally, if you think it right to carry out the idea of the shrine as we began, pray urge on Cluatius and stir him up: for even if we decide on a different site, I think I must avail myself of his labour and advice. Perhaps you'll be at your villa tomorrow.

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    § Att.12.37 DLXXVIII (Att. XII, 37) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (4 MAY) I received two letters from you yesterday, the first delivered on the previous day to Hilarus, the other on the same day to a letter-carrier; and I learnt from my freedman Egypta, on the same day, that Pilia and Attica were quite well. Thanks for Brutus's letter. He wrote me a letter also, which did not reach me till the 13th day. I am sending you that letter itself, and the copy of my answer to it. As to the shrine, if you don't find me some sort of suburban pleasure-grounds, which you really must find me, if you value me as highly as I am sure you do, I much approve of your suggestion as to the Tusculan site. However acute in hitting on plans you may be, as you are, yet unless you had been very anxious for me to secure what I greatly wished, that idea could never have come into your head so aptly. But somehow or other what I want is a frequented spot. So you must manage to get me some suburban pleasure-grounds. This is best to be found on Scapula's land: besides, there is the nearness to the city, so that you can go there without spending the whole day at the villa. Therefore, before you leave town, I should much like you to call on Otho, if he is at Rome. If it comes to nothing, I shall succeed in making you angry with me, however accustomed you are to putting up with my folly. For Drusus at least is willing to sell. So, even if nothing else turns up, it will be my own fault if I don't buy. Pray take care that I don't make a mistake in this business. The only way of making certain of that is our being able to get some of Scapula's land. Also let me know how long you intend being in your suburban villa. With Terentia I need your power of conciliation as well as your influence. But do as you think right. For I know that whatever is to my interest is a subject of more anxiety to you than to myself.

94. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.12.37

    § Att.12.37 DLXXIX (Att. XII, 37) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (5 MAY) Hirtius has written to tell me that Sextus Pompieus has quitted Cordova and fled into Northern Spain, and that Gnaeus has fled I don't know whither, nor do I care. I know nothing more. Hirtius wrote from Narbo on the 18th of April. You mention Caninius's shipwreck as though the news was doubtful. Please write, therefore, if there is any more certain intelligence. You bid me dismiss my melancholy: you will have done much to remove it if you secure me a site for the shrine. Many thoughts occur to me in favour of an apotheosis; but I must certainly have a site. Therefore, go and call on Otho also.

95. urn:cts:latinLit:phi0474.phi057:Att.12.38

    § Att.12.38 DLXXX (Att. XII, 38) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (MAY) I have no doubt that your being overwhelmed with business accounts for your not sending me a letter. But what a rascal not to wait for your convenience, when that was the sole motive for my having sent him! By this time, unless anything has happened to detain you, I suspect that you are in your suburban villa. But I am here, writing from one day's end to another without getting any relief, though I do at any rate distract my thoughts. Asinius Pollio has written to me about my infamous relation. The younger Balbus told me about him pretty plainly, Dolabella in dark hints, and now Pollio has done so with the utmost openness. I should have been much annoyed, if there had been room in my heart for any new sorrow. Yet, could there be anything more blackguardly? What a dangerous fellow! Though in my eyes indeed- But I must restrain my indignation! As there is nothing that is pressing, only write to me if you have time.

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    § Att.12.38 DLXXXI (Att. XII, 38) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) ASTURA (7 MAY) You think that by this time my composure of spirit ought to be en evidence, and you say that certain persons speak with more severity of me than either you or Brutus repeat in your letters: if anybody supposes me to be crushed in spirit and unmanned, let them know the amount of my literary labours and their nature. I believe, if they are only reasonable men, they would think, if I am so far recovered as to bring a disengaged mind to writing on difficult subjects, that I am not open to their criticism; or if I have selected a diversion from sorrow in the highest degree noble and worthy of a scholar, that I even deserve to be praised. But though I do everything I can to relieve my sorrow, pray bring to a conclusion what I see that you are as much concerned about as I am myself. I regard this as a debt, the burden of which cannot be lightened unless I pay it, or see a possibility of paying it, that is, unless I find a site such as I wish. If Scapula's heirs, as you say that Otho told you, think of cutting up the pleasure-grounds into four lots, and bidding for them between themselves, there is of course no room for a purchaser. But if they are to come into the market we will see what can be done. For that ground once belonging to Publicius, and now to Trebonius and Cusinius, has been suggested to me. But you know it is a town building site. I don't like it at all. Clodia's I like very much, but I don't think they are for sale. As to Drusus's pleasure-grounds, though you say that you dislike them, I shall take refuge in them after all, unless you find something. I don't mind the building, for I shall build nothing that I should not build even if I don't have them. “ Cyrus, books IV and V” pleased me about as much as the other works of Antisthenes — a man of acuteness rather than of learning.

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    § Att.12.39 DLXXXII (Att. XII, 39) TO ATTICUS (AT A VILLA NEAR ROME) ASTURA (8 MAY) As the letter-carrier arrived without a letter from you, I imagined the your reason for not writing was what you mentioned yesterday in the very epistle to which I am now replying. Yet, after all, I was expecting to hear something from you about Asinius Pollio's letter. But I am too apt to judge of your leisure by my own. However, if nothing imperative occurs, I absolve you from the necessity of writing, unless you are quite at leisure. About the letter-carriers I would have done as you suggest, had there been any letters positively necessary, as there were some time ago, when, though the days were shorter, the carriers nevertheless arrived every day up to time, and there was something to say-about Silius, Drusus, and certain other things. At present, if Otho had not cropped up, there would have been nothing to write about: and even that has been deferred. Nevertheless, I feel relieved when I talk to you at a distance, and much more even when I read a letter from you. But since you are out of town — for so I suppose — and there is no immediate necessity for writing, there shall be a lull in our letters, unless anything new turns up.

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    § Att.12.40 DLXXXIII (Att. XII, 40) TO ATTICUS (IN HIS SUBURBAN VILLA) ASTURA (9 MAY) What the nature of Caesar's invective in answer to my panegyric is likely to be, I have seen clearly from the book, which Hirtius has sent me, in which he collects Cato's faults, but combined with very warm praise of myself. Accordingly, I have sent the book to Musca with directions to give it to your copyists. As I wish it to be made public: to facilitate that please give orders to your men. I often try my hand at an “essay of advice.” I can't hit upon anything to say: and yet I have by me Aristotle and Theopompus “to Alexander.” But where is the analogy? They were writing what was at once honourable to themselves and acceptable to Alexander. Can you find any similar circumstance in my case? For my part nothing occurs to me. You say in your letter that you fear that both our popularity and influence will suffer by such mourning as mine. I don't know what people object to or expect. That I should not grieve? How can that be? That I should not be prostrated? Who was ever less so? While I was finding consolation in your house, who was ever refused admittance to me? Who ever came to see me who felt any awkwardness? I came to Astura from your house. Those cheerful friends of yours who find fault with me cannot read as much as I have written. Well or ill is not the question: but the substance of my writings was such as no one could have composed who was broken down in spirit. I have been thirty days in your suburban villa. Who ever failed to find me at home or reluctant to converse? At this very moment the amount of my reading and writing is such that my people find a holiday more laborious than I do working days. If anyone wants to know why I am not at Rome, — “because it is the vacation.” Or why I am not staying at the humble places of mine on this coast, which are now in season, — “because I should have been annoyed by the crowd of visitors there.” I am therefore staying at the place, where the man who considered Baiae the queen of watering-places used year after year to spend this part of the season. When I come to Rome I will give no cause for unfavourable remark either by my look or my conversation. That cheerfulness by which I used to temper the sadness of the situation I have lost for ever; but firmness and fortitude either of heart or speech will not be found wanting. As to Scapula's pleasure-grounds, it seems possible that as a favour, partly to you and partly to me, we might secure their being put up to auction. Unless that is done, we shall be cut out. But if we come to a public auction, we shall outbid Otho's means by our eagerness. For as to what you say about Lentulus, he is not solvent. If only the Faberian business is certain, and you are making an effort, as I am sure you are doing, we shall get what we want. You ask how long I am staying on here. Only a few days: but I am not certain. As soon as I have settled, I will write to you: and write to me yourself, and tell me how long you intend to be in your suburban villa. The day on which I am sending this to you, I have the same news as you give me about Pilia and Attica, both by letter and messenger.

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    § Att.12.42 DLXXXV (Att. XII, 42) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME OR A SUBURBAN VILLA) ASTURA (10 MAY) I never desired you to have a regular day for writing: for I understood the state of things you mention, and yet I suspected or rather was quite aware that there was nothing for you to tell me. On the 10th of the month, indeed, I think you must be out of town and quite see that you have no news to give. However, I shall continue sending you a letter nearly every day. For I prefer writing for nothing to your not having a carrier at hand to whom to give a letter, if anything does turn up which you think I ought to know. Accordingly, I have received on the 10th your letter with its dearth of news. For what was there for you to send? To me however that was not unpleasing, whatever it contained, even if I learnt nothing else but that you had nothing to tell me. Yet, after all, you did say something-about Clodia. Where then is she, and when does she arrive? I like her property so much, that I put it next to Otho's above all others. But I don't think that she will sell, for she likes it and is rich: and as for that other, you are quite aware of the difficulty. But pray let us exert ourselves to hit upon some way of obtaining what I desire. I think of leaving this place on the 16th: but it will be either to Tusculum or my town house, and thence perhaps to Arpinum. when I know for certain I will write you word.

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     § Att.12.41 DLXXXVII (Att. XII, 41) TO ATTICUS (AT OR NEAR ROME) ASTURA (11 MAY) I have nothing to write about. However, I want to know where you are: if you are out of town or about to be so, when you intend to return. Please, therefore, let me know. And, as you wish to be informed when I leave this place, I write to tell you that I have arranged to stay at Lanuvium on the 16th, thence next day at Tusculum or Rome. Which of the two I am going to do you shall know on the day itself. You know how misery is inclined to grumble. It is not at all in regard to yourself, yet I feel a restless desire as to the shrine. I don't say unless it is built, but unless I see it being built — I venture to say this much, and you will take it as you ever do words of mine — my vexation will redound upon you, not that you deserve that it should do so; but you will have to endure what I say, as you endure and always have endured everything that affects me. Pray concentrate all your methods of consoling me upon this one thing. If you want to know my wishes, they are these: first Scapula's, second Clodia's; then, if Silius refuses and Drusus does not behave fairly, the property of Cusinius and Trebonius. I think there is a third owner; I know for certain that Rebilus was one. If however you are for Tusculum, as you hinted in one of your letters, I will agree to your suggestion. Pray bring this business to a conclusion in any case, if you wish me to feel consoled. You are already finding fault with me in somewhat severer terms than is customary with you; but you do so with the utmost affection, and perhaps tired out by my weakness. Yet all the same, if you wish me to be consoled, this is the very greatest of consolations and, if you would know the truth, the only one. If you have read Hirtius's letter, which appears to me to be a kind of “first sketch” of the invective which Caesar has composed against Cato, please let me know, when you can conveniently do so, what you think of it. To return to the shrine: unless it is finished this summer, which you perceive is all before us, I shall not consider myself cleared of positive guilt.

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Via ToposText (topostext.org), a project of the Aikaterini Laskaridis Foundation created by Brady Kiesling. Translated by Evelyn Shirley Shuckburgh (1843–1906). Composed ca. 45 BCE. Licence: public domain. Source.