Greek Anthology Books 10-12

ToposText · Greek Anthology · 828 sections

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§ 11.174 On Thieves (174-184) LUCILIUS Dio yesterday stole Cypris all of gold, just risen from her mother sea, and he also pulled down with his hand Adonis of beaten gold and the little Love that stood by. Even the best thieves that ever were will now say, “No longer do we enter into a contest of dexterity with you.”
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§ 11.175 LUCILIUS Eutychides stole the god himself by whom he was about to swear, saying, “I can't swear by you.”
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§ 11.176 LUCILIUS As he carried off the winged Hermes, the servant of the gods, the Lord of the Arcadians, the cattle -raider, who stood here as curator of this gymnasium, Aulus the night-thief said, “Many pupils are cleverer than their teachers.”
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§ 11.177 LUCILIUS Eutychides stole Phoebus the detector of thieves, saying, “Speak not too much, but compare thy art with mine and thy oracles with my hands and a prophet with a thief and a god with Eutychides. And because of thy unbridled tongue thou shalt be sold at once, and then say of me what thou wilt to thy purchasers.”
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§ 11.178 LUCILIUS Herdsman, feed thy flock far away, lest Pericles the thief drive thee and thy cattle off together.
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§ 11.179 LUCILIUS If Dio had feet like his hands, Dio, and Hermes no longer, would be distinguished among men as winged.
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§ 11.180 AMMIANUS On the Ides (or “if you give”) Polemon does not decide the suit, on the Nones (or “if you say'No') he condemns you. Whether you give or don't give, he is always Polemon.
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§ 11.181 AMMIANUS We all knew, Polemon, that your name was Antonius. How is it that three letters are suddenly missing?
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§ 11.182 DIONYSIUS You are killing me, a pig but not your own, and you call me ”piggie" (or “our own pig ”), knowing well that I am not your own.
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§ 11.183 LUCILIUS Heliodorus, hearing that Saturn troubles nativities, carried off the golden Saturn at night from the temple, saying: “Experience by fact, my Lord, which of us anticipated the other in working evil, and thou shalt know which of us is the Saturn of which.' Who works evil for another, works it for his own heart.' Fetch me a good price and portend what thou wilt by thy rising.”
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§ 11.184 LUCILIUS From the Hesperides' Garden of Zeus, Meniscus, as Heracles did formerly, carried off three golden apples. Well, what happened? When he was caught he became a famous spectacle for all, burning alive, like Heracles of old.
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§ 11.185 On Singers and Actors (185-189) LUCILIUS Heoelochus, my Lord Caesar, once emptied a Greek city by appearing to sing the part of Nauplius. Nauplius is ever an evil to the Greeks either sending a great wave on their ships or having a lyre-singer to play his part.
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§ 11.186 NICARCHUS The night-raven's song bodes death, but when Demophilus sings the night-raven itself dies.
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§ 11.187 LEONIDAS OF ALEXANDRIA Simylus the lyre-player killed all his neighbours by playing the whole night, except only Origenes, whom Nature had made deaf, and therefore gave him longer life in the place of hearing.
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§ 11.188 AMMIANUS Nicetas when he sings is the Apollo of the songs, and when he doctors, of the patients.
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§ 11.189 LUCILIUS Apollophanes the tragedian sold for five obols the stage property of five gods: the club of Heracles, Tisiphone's instruments of terror, the trident of Poseidon, the shield of Athena, and the quiver of Artemis, “And the gods that sit beside Zeus ” were stripped to get a few coppers to buy a little bread and wine.
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§ 11.190 On Barbers (190-191) LUCILIUS The barber is puzzled to know where to begin to shave the head of hairy Hermogenes, as he seems to be all head.
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§ 11.191 By the same “ Ares, Ares, destroyer of men, blood-fiend,” cease, barber, from cutting me, for you have no place left in which to cut me. But change now to my muscles and my legs below the knees, and cut me there, and I will let you. For even now the shop is full of flies, and if you persist, you will see the tribes of vultures and ravens here.
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§ 11.192 On Envy (192-193) LUCILIUS Envious Diophon, seeing another man near him crucified on a higher cross than himself, fell into a decline.
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§ 11.193 Anonymous What an evil is Envy! but it has something good in it; for it wastes away the eyes and heart of the envious.
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§ 11.194 LUCILIUS To Pan who loves the cave, and the Nymphs that haunt the hills, and to the Satyrs and to the holy Hamadryads within the cave, Marcus..., having killed nothing with his dogs and boar -spears, hung up the dogs themselves.
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§ 11.195 DIOSCORIDES Aristagoras danced the part of a Gallus, while I, with great labour, went through the story of the warlike Temenidae. He was dismissed with honour, but one unceasing storm of rattles sent poor Hyrnetho off the boards. Into the fire with you, ye exploits of the heroes! for among the illiterate even a lark sings more musically than a swan.
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§ 11.196 On Ugly People (196-204) LUCILIUS BITO, with a face three times worse than a monkey's, enough to make even Hecate hang herself for envy if she saw it, says, “I am chaste, Lucilius, and sleep alone; ” for perhaps she is ashamed of saying “I am a virgin.” But may whoever hates me marry such a horror and have children of similar chastity.
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§ 11.197 By the same HIERONYMUS formerly wanted to be too drimys (strict); now he has the dri, but the mys has turned into los.
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§ 11.198 THEODORUS “The nose's Hermocrates ” — for if we say " Hermocrates' nose" we give long things to little ones.
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§ 11.199 LEONIDAS OF ALEXANDRIA Hook-nosed Sosipolis does not buy fish, but gets plenty of good fare from the sea for nothing; bringing no line and rod, but attaching a hook to his nose, he pulls out everything that swims.
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§ 11.200 LEONIDAS OF ALEXANDRIA Zenogenes' house was on fire, and he was toiling sore in his efforts to let himself down from a window. By fixing planks together he could not reach far enough, but at length, when it struck him, he set Antimachus' nose as a ladder and escaped.
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§ 11.201 AMMONIDES If anyone had shown Antipatra naked to the Parthians, they would have fled outside the Pillars of Heracles.
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§ 11.202 Anonymous After burying his old woman, Moschus very sensibly married a young girl, his first wife's whole dowry remaining intact in his house. Moschus deserves to be praised for his good sense, in that he alone knows whom to sleep with and from whom to inherit.
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§ 11.203 Anonymous Castor's nose is a hoe for him when he digs anything, a trumpet when he snores and a grape-sickle at vintage time, an anchor on board ship, a plough when he is sowing, a fishing-hook for sailors, a fleshhook for feasters, a pair of tongs for ship-builders, and for farmers a leek-slicer, an axe for carpenters and a handle for his door. Such a serviceable implement has Castor the luck to possess, wearing a nose adaptable for any work.
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§ 11.204 PALLADAS I was thunderstruck when I saw the rhetor Maurus, with a snout like an elephant, emitting a voice that murders one from lips weighing a pound each.
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§ 11.205 On Gluttons (205-209) LUCILIUS Eutychides when he came to supper, Dionysius, did not leave Aulus a single scrap, but handed everything to his servant behind him, and now Eutychides has a great supper in his house, and Aulus, not invited, sits eating dry bread.
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§ 11.206 By the same So may you be able, Dionysius, to digest all these things you are eating, but for custom's sake give us something to eat here too. I was invited also, and Publius served some of these things for me too to taste, and my portion too is on the board. Unless, seeing that I am thin, you think I was ill when I sat down to table, and so watch me thus in case I eat something unnoticed by you.
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§ 11.207 By the same You eat as much as five wolves, Gamus, and you hand to your slave behind you all that is over, not only your own portion, but that of those round you. But come tomorrow with your slave's basket, and bring sawdust and a sponge and a broom.
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§ 11.208 By the same As a racer Eutychides was slow, but he ran to supper so quickly that they said, “ Eutychides is flying.”
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§ 11.209 AMMIANUS Even if thou removest thy neighbour's boundaries till thou reachest the Pillars of Heracles, a portion of earth equal to that of all men awaits thee, and thou shalt lie like Irus, with no more than an obol on thee, dissolving into the earth that is no more thine.
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§ 11.210 On Cowards (210-211) LUCILIUS Aulus the soldier stops his ears when he sees charcoal or laurel, wrapping his yellow duds tight round his head, and he shudders at his own useless sword; and if you ever say “They are coming,” he falls flat on his back. No Polemo or Stratoclides will he approach, but always has Lysimachus for a friend.
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§ 11.211 LUCILIUS When Calpurnius the soldier saw the battle by the ships painted on a wall, as is the custom, the warrior lay stretched out pulseless and pale, calling out, “Quarter, ye Trojans dear to Ares.” Then he enquired if he had been wounded, and with difficulty believed he was alive when he had agreed to pay ransom to the wall.
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§ 11.212 On Painters (212-215) LUCILIUS I ordered you, Diodorus, to paint a pretty child, but you produce a child strange to me, putting a dog's head on his shoulders, so that I weep to think how my Zopyrion was born to me by Hecuba. And finally I, Erasistratus the butcher, have got for six drachmae a son Anubis from the shrines of Isis.
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§ 11.213 LEONIDAS OF ALEXANDRIA Diodorus, painting Menodotus' portrait, made it very like everyone except Menodotus.
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§ 11.214 LUCILIUS Having painted Deucalion and Phaethon, Menestratus, you enquire which of them is worth anything. We will appraise them according to their own fate. Phaethon is truly worthy of the fire and Deucalion of the water.
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§ 11.215 LUCILIUS Eutychus the painter was the father of twenty sons, but never got a likeness even among his children.
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§ 11.216 On Lewd Livers (216-223) LUCILIUS You have heard of Cratippus as a lover of boys. It is a great marvel I have to tell you, but great goddesses are the Avengers. We discovered that Cratippus, the lover of boys, belongs now to another variety of those persons whose tastes lie in an inverse direction. Would I ever have expected this? I expected it, Cratippus. Shall I go mad because, while you told everyone you were a wolf, you suddenly turned out to be a kid?
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§ 11.217 LUCILIUS To avoid suspicion, Apollophanes married and walked as a bridegroom through the middle of the market, saying, “Tomorrow at once I will have a child.” Then when tomorrow came he appeared carrying the suspicion instead of a child.
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§ 11.218 CRATES Choerilus is far inferior to Antimachus, but on all occasions Euphorion would ever talk of Choerilus and made his poems full of glosses, and knew those of Philetas well, for he was indeed a follower of Homer.
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§ 11.219 ANTIPATER I don't pay any attention, although some people are to be trusted; but in the meantime, for God's sake, if you love me, Pamphilus, don't kiss me.
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§ 11.220 Anonymous Avoid the mouth of Alphaeus; he loves the bosom of Arethusa, falling headlong into the salt sea.
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§ 11.221 AMMIANUS I don't dislike you because you lick the sugar cane, but because you do this, too, without the cane.
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§ 11.222 Anonymous ΧΕΙΛΩΝ ( Chilon ) and ΛΕΙΧΩΝ (licking) have the same letters. But what does that matter? For Chilon licks whether they are the same or not.
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§ 11.223 MELEAGER (?) You doubt that Favorinus has sex? Doubt it no longer; He himself told me has sex — with his own mouth.
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§ 11.224 ANTIPATER Seeing Kimon's penis standing erect Priapus said, “Alas! I, immortal, fall short of a mortal.”
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§ 11.225 STRATO The bed has two passive and two active, which might seem to you to make four in all, but they are three. If you ask how this could be, the one in the middle counts twice, writhing in common labor in both directions.
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§ 11.226 AMMIANUS May the dust lie light on thee when under earth, wretched Nearchus, so that the dogs may easily drag thee out.
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§ 11.227 AMMIANUS Sooner shall a beetle make honey or a mosquito milk than thou, being a scorpion, shalt do any good. For neither dost thou do good willingly thyself, nor dost thou allow another to do it, hated as thou art by all like Saturn's star.
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§ 11.228 AMMIANUS One man killed his mother, another his father, a third his brother, but Polianus all three, the first since Oedipus.
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§ 11.229 AMMIANUS Late in the day has the gout found him who deserved it; him who deserved to be gouty a hundred years ago.
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§ 11.230 AMMIANUS Take away Marcus, the two first letters from Mastauron, and you deserve many of what is left.
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§ 11.231 AMMIANUS You are a wild beast all but a letter and a man by a letter, and you deserve many of the beasts that you are all but a letter.
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§ 11.232 CALLIAS OF ARGOS You were always, Polycritus, as good as gold, but now after drinking you have suddenly become a sort of rabid curse. I believe you are always wicked; wine is the test of character; it is not now that you become wicked, but now you have been shown to be so.
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§ 11.233 LUCILIUS Phaedrus the man of business and the painter Rufus contended as to which of them would copy quickest and most truly. But while Rufus was about to mix his paints Phaedrus took and wrote out a renouncement of Rufus' claim faithful as a picture.
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§ 11.234 LUCILIUS If Craterus' feet and hands were sound, his head was not, when he wrote such stuff.
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§ 11.235 DEMODOCUS This, too, is by Demodocus: “The Chians are bad, not one bad and another not, but all bad except Procles, and Procles is a Chian.”
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§ 11.236 DEMODOCUS All Cilicians are bad men, but among the Cilicians the only good man is Cinyras, and Cinyras is a Cilician.
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§ 11.237 By the same An evil viper once bit a Cappadocian, but it died itself, having tasted the venomous blood.
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§ 11.238 By the same The Cappadocians are always bad, but when they get a belt they are worse, and for the sake of gain they are the worst of all, and if once or twice they get hold of a large carriage they are as bad as bad can be for a year. I implore thee, O King, let it not be four times, lest the whole world slide to ruin, becoming cappadocianified.
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§ 11.239 LUCILIUS Not Homer's Chimaera breathed such foul breath, not the fire-breathing herd of bulls of which they tell, not all Lemnos nor the excrements of the Harpies, nor Philoctetes' putrefying foot. So that in universal estimation, Telesilla, you surpass Chimerae, rotting sores, bulls, birds, and the women of Lemnos.
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§ 11.240 LUCILIUS Demostratis not only breathes herself the stink of a he- goat, but makes those who smell her breathe the same.
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§ 11.241 NICARCHUS Your mouth and your butt, Theodorus, smell the same, so that it would be a famous task for men of science to distinguish them. You ought really to write on a label which is your mouth and which your butt, but now when you speak I think you break wind.
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§ 11.242 NICARCHUS I can't tell whether Diodorus is yawning or has broken wind, for he has one breath above and below.
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§ 11.243 NICARCHUS Onesimus went to the bath to bathe on the twelfth of the month Dystrus in the year of Antiphilus, leaving at home a child at the breast, whom when he has finished bathing he will find to be the father of two other children.... He writes us to say he will go again next year, for the bath-men promise to take off the heat then.
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§ 11.244 Anonymous You bought a brass boiler, Heliodorus, colder than Thracian Boreas. Don't blow the fire, don't put yourself out; it is in vain you stir up the smoke. What you bought was a brass wine-cooler for summer.
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§ 11.245 LUCILIUS The sides of the ship, Diophantes, let in all the waves, and through the ports ocean enters; and we see swimming in your ship herds of dolphins and the bright children of Nereus. But if we wait longer someone will soon be sailing inside this our ship, for there is no more water left in the sea.
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§ 11.246 LUCILIUS From what quarry, Dionysius, did you hew these timbers? Of what mill-stones is the ship built? For if I know anything about it, it is a kind of lead, not oak or pine, and the lower part of me is nearly taking root. Perhaps I shall suddenly become a stone, and then the worst of it is Melito will write a rotten drama about me as if I were Niobe.
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§ 11.247 LUCILIUS Of a truth, Dionysius, we the seas sail, and the ship is full of every sea from all parts. The Adriatic, the Tyrrhene Sea, the Gulf of Issa, the Aegean, are running dry. This is no ship, but a wooden fountain of ocean. To arms, Caesar! Dionysius begins already not to command a ship, but to command the seas.
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§ 11.248 BIANOR It was not the depths that took the ship (how the depths, when she had never sailed?) nor the south wind, but she perished before encountering south wind and sea. Already completely built, even as far as the benches, they were anointing her with the fat juice of the pine; and the pitch, overboiling with the flame of the fire, showed that she, who was being built to serve the sea faithfully, was less faithful to the land.
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§ 11.249 LUCILIUS Menophanus bought a field, and from hunger hanged himself on another man's oak. When he was dead they had no earth to throw over him from above, but he was buried for payment in the ground of one of his neighbours. If Epicurus had known of Menophanes' field he would have said that everything is full of fields, not of atoms.
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§ 11.250 Anonymous The artist painted the fat man well, but to Hell with him if we shall look on two guzzlers instead of one.
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§ 11.251 NICARCHUS A stone-deaf man went to law with another stone-deaf man, and the judge was much deafer than the pair of them. One of them contended that the other owed him five months' rent, and the other said that his opponent had ground corn at night. Says the judge, looking at them: “Why are you quarrelling? She is your mother; you must both maintain her.”
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§ 11.252 NICARCHUS If you kiss me you hate me, and if you hate me you kiss me. But if you don't hate me, dear friend, don't kiss me!
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§ 11.253 LUCILIUS From what oak-trees did your father cut you, Aristo, or from what mill-stone quarry did he hew you? For indeed you are a dancer " made of a venerable tree or of stone," the living original of Niobe; so that I wonder and say: “You, too, must have had some quarrel with Leto, or else you would not have been naturally made of stone.”
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§ 11.254 LUCILIUS You played in the ballet everything according to the story, but by overlooking one very important action you highly displeased us. Dancing the part of Niobe you stood like a stone, and again when you were Capaneus you suddenly fell down. But in the case of Canace you were not clever, for you had a sword, but yet left the stage alive; that was not according to the story.
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§ 11.255 PALLADAS Snub-nosed Memphis danced the parts of Daphne and Niobe, Daphne as if he were wooden and Niobe as if he were of stone.
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§ 11.256 LUCILIUS They say you spend a long time in the bath, Heliodora, an old woman of a hundred not yet retired from the profession. But I know why you do it. You hope to grow young, like old Pelias, by being boiled.
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§ 11.257 LUCILIUS Diophantus saw Hermogenes the doctor in his sleep and never woke up again, although he was wearing an amulet.
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§ 11.258 LUCILIUS Aulus the boxer dedicates to the Lord of Pisa his skull, having collected the bones one by one. And if he escapes from Nemea, Lord Zeus, he will perchance dedicate to thee also the vertebrae he still has left.
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§ 11.259 LUCILIUS You have a Thessalian horse, Erasistratus, but all the magic of Thessaly cannot make him stir; truly a Wooden Horse which would never have got through the Scaean gates, if all the Trojans and Greeks together had dragged it. If you take my advice, put him up as a votive statue to some god and make his barley into gruel for your children.
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§ 11.260 Anonymous This Ouleuein you had long ago but I don't recognise the "B" {bouleuein, to be a senator), for it used to be written "D" {douleuein, to be a slave).
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§ 11.261 Anonymous Patricius' son is very well behaved, as he avoids all his fellows because of impure indulgence.
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§ 11.262 Anonymous The young men of Alexandria bring down Selene divided in two in the ethereal night.
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§ 11.263 PALLADAS Menander, standing over the comedian Paulus in his sleep, said: “I never did you any harm, and you speak me ill.”
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§ 11.264 LUCILIUS Hermon the miser, having spent money in his sleep, hanged himself from vexation.
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§ 11.265 LUCILIUS If an army is being led against locusts, or dog -flies, or mice, or the cavalry of fleas or frogs, you too should be afraid, Gaius, of someone enrolling you as being worthy of fighting with such foes. But if an army of brave men is being despatched, amuse yourself with something else; but the Romans do not fight against cranes.
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§ 11.266 LUCILIUS Demosthenis has a lying mirror, for if she saw the truth she would not want to look into it at all.
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§ 11.267 Anonymous You, Mathematician, don't require a measuring rod, and it is no concern of yours, for you have a nose three cubits long which no one grudges you.
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§ 11.268 Anonymous Proclus cannot wipe his nose with his hand, for his arm is shorter than his nose; nor does he say “God preserve us ” when he sneezes, for he can't hear his nose, it is so far away from his ears.
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§ 11.269 Anonymous I “victorious Heracles the son of Zeus ” am not Lucius but they compel me to be so.
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§ 11.270 Anonymous on a Statue of the Emperor Anastasius on the Euripus (in the Circus) King, destroyer of the world, they set up this iron statue of thee as being much less precious than bronze, in return for the bloodshed, the fatal poverty and famine and wrath, by which thou destroyest all things owing to thy avarice.
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§ 11.271 Anonymous Nigh to Scylla they set up cruel Charybdis, this savage ogre Anastasius. Fear in thy heart, Scylla, lest he devour thee too, turning a brazen goddess into small change.
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§ 11.272 Anonymous on Cinaedi They denied their manhood and did not become women, nor were they born men, as they have suffered what women do; nor are they women, since a man's nature was theirs. They are men to women and women to men.
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§ 11.273 Anonymous Your mind is as lame as your foot, for truly your nature bears outside the image of what is inside.

Via ToposText (topostext.org), a project of the Aikaterini Laskaridis Foundation created by Brady Kiesling. Translated by William Roger Paton (1857-1921). Composed ca. 900 CE. Licence: public domain. Source.