Athenaeus, Deipnosophists

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§ 6.1 [222a] BOOK VI [1] Every time that we meet, friend Timocrates, you repeatedly ask me what was said at the meetings of the Deipnosophists. You think that we produce novel inventions, and so we shall remind you of what Antiphanes says in his Poesy. His words are these: “The art of writing tragedy is fortunate in every way. For, first of all, the stories are well known to people in the audience even before a character speaks a word, so that the poet merely has to remind them. Let me but mention Oidipus, and they know all the rest: his father was Laius, his mother Iocasta; they know who his daughters were, his sons, what he will suffer, what he has done. If, again, one speaks of Alcmeon, straightway he has mentioned all his children, and has told that he killed his mother in a fit of madness; and Adrastus will soon come in high dudgeon and will depart again.... And then, when the poets can say no more, and their dramatic resources have completely given out, they raise'the machine' like a beaten athlete's finger, and the spectators are satisfied. But we have not these advantages; [223a] on the contrary, we must invent everything new names, new plots, new speeches, and then the antecedent circumstances, the present situation, the outcome, the prologue. If a character named Chremes or Pheidon leaves out any one of these points, he is hissed off the boards; but a Peleus or a Teucer may do it.” And Diphilus, in The Olive-Orchard, or Guardians:'O Conquer with the bow, Virgin of Leto and Zeus born! Thou guardest, thou ownest this place most loved by the gods, the Brauronian shrine.' That's the language of the tragedians, who alone are at liberty to say and do anything."
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§ 6.2 The comic poet Timocles, speaking of the many ways in which tragedy is useful in the conduct of life, says, in Women at the Dionysia: “Good sir, hearken, if haply I shall tell you the truth. Man is a creature born to labour, and many are the distresses which his life carries with it. Therefore he has contrived these respites from his cares; for his mind, taking on forgetfulness of its own burdens, and absorbed in another's woe, departs in joy, instructed withal. Look first at the tragedians, if it please you, and se what a benefit they are to everybody. The poor man, for instance, learns that Telephus was more beggarly than himself, and from that time on he bears his poverty more easily. The sick man sees Alcmeon raving in madness. One has a disease of the eyes — blind are the sons of Phineus. One has lost his son in death — Niobe is a comfort. One is lame — he sees Philoctetes. One meets with misfortune in old age — he learns the story of Oineus. For he is reminded that all his calamities, which'are greater than mortal man has ever borne,' have happened to others, and so he bears his own trials more easily.”
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§ 6.3 In like manner we, Timocrates, merely restore to you the morsels left by the Dinner-Sophists, we do not give them; so quotes the orator from Cothoce in his tirade against Demosthenes. He, when Philip offered to give Halonnesus to the Athenians, advised them not to accept it if he gave it, but only if he gave it back. The same phrase is jestingly used in bantering tone by Antiphanes in The Chick: “A. My master, in the way he took everything from his father, took it all as his own. B. Demosthenes would have been glad to take over that turn of speech!” And Alexis, in The Soldier: “A. Take this back. B. What is it? A. It's the baby I took from you; I have come to give it back. FB. What's that? Don't you want to bring it up? A. No, for it isn't ours. B. Nor ours either. A. But you gave it to us. B. No, we did not give it to you. A. What do you mean? B. We gave it back to you. A. What was not mine to take?” Also in Brothers: “A. What, have I given anything to those girls? Explain! B. No, you only gave back, of course, the pledge which you had received.” [224a] And Anaxilas in Manliness: “A. And I will give these old shoes. B. By Mother Earth, you will not give them — you will give them back. A. Well, anyway, I am going out carrying them.” Timocles in Heroes: “A. And so you bid me now use phrases which are altogether inappropriate B. Exactly so. A. I'll do it to please you. And first of all, then, Briareos will stop being angry at you. B. Briareos? Who is he? A. He is the one who eats up catapults and spears, a fellow who hates words, who has never uttered an antithesis in his life, but has an eye like Mars.” Accordingly, adopting the phrase of the poets just quoted, we too will give back, not give, the discourse which succeeded that which we recounted before, and we shall now tell what followed.
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§ 6.4 Thereupon, slaves entered bearing an enormous quantity of fish from sea and lake, on silver platters, so that we marvelled at the luxury as well as at the wealth displayed; for our host had bought everything but the Nereids. And one of the parasites and flatterers remarked that position must have sent the fish to our Nittunius; not, however, through the agency of the merchants in Rome who sell a tiny fish for a huge price; rather, he must have brought them himself, some from antium, others from Taracina and the Pontian islands opposite, still others from Pyrgi, which is a city in Etruria. For the fishmongers of Rome do not fall short, even by a little distance, of those who were once satirized in Attica. Concerning the latter Antiphanes, in Brave Lads, says:"I used to think that the Gorgons were a fiction, but whenever I go to market, I am strong in my belief in them; for one glance there at the fishmongers, and I am straightway turned to stone. Therefore I must necessarily talk to them with my face turned away, for if I see what a small-sized fish it is for which they charge such a high price, I am then and there frozen solid."
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§ 6.5 Amphis, in The Wandering Juggler: “It is easier, by a million degrees, to get access to the General Staff, and demand a conference and receive an answer to one's questions than it is to approach the damned fishmongers in the market. Whenever a purchaser picks up one of their wares on display and addresses to them a question, the dealer, like Telephus, crouches in silence first (and with good reason, for, to put it in a word, they are all murderers); and as if meant to pay no attention and had not heard a word, he pounds a polyp. The purchaser bursts into a flame of rage.... The dealer, never stopping to pronounce his words entire, but clipping a syllable here and there, answers''Twda cost y' eight pence.''And this spet-fish?''Steen-pence.' Such is the jargon the purchaser must hear.” Alexis in The Man with a Cataract: “When I look at the generals with their eyebrows uplifted, I think their conduct is strange, and yet I do not quite wonder that men who have been signally honoured by the state should be a bit prouder than the rest. But when I see the damned fishmongers with lowered but with eyebrows lifted to the top of their polls, I am ready to choke. If you ask,'How much are you offering those two mullets for,' he replies,'Ten-pence.''Too steep! [225a] will you take eight?''Yes, if you will buy the one next to it.''My good man, take my offer, and stop joking.''At that price? Run along!' Are not these actions bitterer than gall itself?”
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§ 6.6 Diphilus in The Busybody: “I used to think in the old days that the fishmongers at Athens were the only rascals. But it is plain that this breed, like some wild beasts, is naturally given to deceit everywhere. Here, for example, is one who has beaten the record. In the first place, he wears his hair long, it being dedicated to the god, so he says. But that is not the reason; no, he has a brand on the front of his forehead, and wears long hair as a screen. If you ask this fellow,'How much is that sea-bass?' he answers,'tenpence,' without adding in what currency. Then, when you pay him the money, he exacts the coin of Aigina, and if he has to give you back any change, he pays it in Attic coin besides. Either way he gets the benefit of the exchange.” Xenarchus, in Purple-Shell: “The poets (he declares) are rubbish; for they invent not a single thing that is new, but every one of them just shifts the same topics back and forth. But when it comes to fishmongers, there isn't any breed more philosophic than they, or again, more impious. For since they are no longer at liberty to rinse their wares, and this is forbidden by law, one fellow, utterly detested by the gods, when he saw his fish drying up, very cleverly started on purpose a fight among the dealers. Blows came; and pretending that he had received a mortal wound, he feigned death and lay sprawling among the fish. Someone yelled'Water, water!' Another man in the same business immediately snatched up a pitcher and poured just a drop over him, but emptied all of it over the fish. You would say that they had just been caught.”
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§ 6.7 That they sell fish when they are dead and decayed is indicated in these lines by Antiphanes, in Adulterers: “There is no animal more unlucky than a fish. It isn't enough that they should be caught and killed, and find quick burial by being eaten; no, unhappy creatures that they are, they are given over to the damned fishmongers and rot, lying stale for two days or three. And if, at last, they ever find a buyer who is blind, they grant to him the disposal of the dead. He takes it home and throws it away, having learned his lesson from the smell in his nostrils.” And in The Pro-Theban Antiphanes says: “Isn't it strange, that if a man chance to have fresh fish for sale, he talks to us with eyebrows contracted and with a scowling face; but if they are out-and out rotten, he jokes and laughs? The rascals ought to do just the opposite; the first man should laugh, the second should — go howl!” That they also offer fish for sale at very high prices is told by Alexis in The Meeting at Pyale: [226a] “A. I vow to Athena, but I am lost in wonder at the fishmongers. How in the world is it that they are not all rich, since they receive royal tributes? B. Only tributes? Don't they sit at their ease in our cities and take tithes of our property, and rob us of our entire estates every day?”
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§ 6.8 The same poet also says in The Melting-Pot: “There has never been a better legislator than the wealthy Aristonicus.... For today he proposes a law that whatsoever fishmonger offers a fish for sale to anyone, and after naming a price sells it for less than the price he asked, shall straightway be haled to prison; the purpose being to keep them thoroughly frightened, so that they may be satisfied with the right price, or else take all their fish home rotten at evening. And in this way, old man and ancient hag and infant child will buy fish at a fifth of the price, as is right.” And going on he says: “There has not been since Solon a single legislator better than Aristonicus. There are many other laws, of every description, which he has caused to be passed; but today he is introducing a new law, of golden worth, that the fish mongers shall no longer offer wares for sale seated at their ease, but shall stand up the whole time. And next year he promises to propose a law that they shall hang, and so more quickly send their customers away, selling their wares, like the gods, from a machine.”
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§ 6.9 Antiphanes emphasizes also their stupidity, and again their bad temper; in Knave-Hater he compares them with persons whose lives are most depraved, in these words: “A. And then, are not the Scythians very wise For as soon as their children are born, they give them the milk of mares and cows to drink. B. Yes, by Zeus; and they do not bring into their houses malicious wet-nurses, and later slave-tutors; no greater pest than they could arise. A. Excepting midwives, Zeus is my witness. They beat all. B. Yes, excepting the mendicant priests, by Zeus; for as a rule that is the foulest breed of all. EA. Unless, by Zeus, one should want to call fishmongers the foulest. B. But only after the money-lenders. There is no more pestiferous than they.”
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§ 6.10 Diphilus, too, describes with some eloquence the very high price at which fish are sold; he says, in The Merchant: “I don't remember ever seeing fish dearer. Great Poseidon! If thou didst day by day receive a tithe of their cost, thou wouldst be richest of the gods by far! And yet, if one of them ever cast his winsome glance at me I would pay, albeit with a groan, all that he asked of me. I bought a conger-eel, I paid down as much as it weighed in gold, as Priam did for Hector.” And Alexis in The Woman from Greece: “Living or dead, the creature of the sea are always at war with us. If, for example, a ship founders, and then, as often happens, a man is caught while he tries to swim, they quickly gulp him down for good and all. [227a] And when, in their turn, they are caught by fishermen, dead though they are, they ruin their purchasers. They are held for sale at the price of our estates, and he who buys straightway ambles home a beggar.” A fishmonger, Hermaeus of Egypt, is mentioned by name in The Fishes of Archippus thus: “An Egyptian, Hermaeus, is the most rascally pedlar of fish. Why! He forcibly peels off the skin of monkfishes and Dogfishes and offers them for sale, and he disembowels sea-bass, so they tell me.” Alexis, too, mentions a fishmonger named Micion, in The Heiress.
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§ 6.11 With good reason, therefore, fishermen take more pride than the most eminent generals in their profession. At any rate, Anaxandrides, in Odysseus, introduces one of them pronouncing these opinions about the fisherman's trade: “As for the artists, to be sure, their lovely handiwork is hung up on panels to be admired. But this handiwork of ours is ceremoniously wrested from the casserole and quickly disappears from the frying-pan. For, good sir, what other art makes the lips of youngsters burn? Or causes such pushing of fingers, or choking, in case one cannot swallow his mouthful quickly? Is not the market, well stocked with fish, the only thing that brings about assignations? What mortal goes to dine in company if he gets but paltry small fry, or crow-fish at the counter, or a sprat? By what enchantments or eloquence can a beautiful lad be seduced, tell me, if one abolishes the fishermen's art? This it is which goes on its conquering way, subduing with the cheerful aspect of stewed fish, luring their very bodies to the gates of — luncheon, and forces their natures to succumb without receiving a fee.”
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§ 6.12 With reference to those persons who are very particular in their marketing, Alexis has this to say in The Heiress: “The man who, though a pauper, buys fish often, and albeit indigent in other things, is rich enough for that, strips naked those whom he meets at night, and compels them, once they have been robbed of their cloaks, to watch for him early in the morning at the supply market. And the first poor man, who is also young, who is seen buying eels from Micion is seized and dragged to the prison.” Diphilus, in The Merchant, says that there is also a law among the Corinthians of some such tenor as the following: “A. This is the custom, good sir, here in Corinth, that if we ever see a man marketing opulently, we put him to the question and ask where he gets his living and what he does. And if he prove to have an estate whose revenues can pay his expenses, we let him enjoy that mode of life from that time on; but if it happens that he is spending beyond his estate, they forbid him to do that again. And whosoever disobeys, upon him they lay a fine If, again, he lives sumptuously without owning anything whatever, they hand him over to the public executioner. B. Save us! [228a] A. Because that man cannot live without doing some mischief, you understand; on the contrary, he is bound to spend his nights as a cloak-snatcher or wall-digger or acting as a fence for gangs who do these things; or he must play the informer in the market-place or bear false witness. We are cleaning out that sort of gentry. B. And quite rightly, Zeus knows! But what has that to do with me? A. We see you, sir, making purchases every day, not modestly, but prodigally. You make it impossible for anyone to get his share of anything resembling fish; you have crowded our whole town into the vegetable market; we fight for celery as they do at the Isthmian Games. A hare is brought to market — you grab it immediately for keeps. As for a partridge or a thrush, Zeus is my witness that folk like you make it impossible to get even a glimpse of one on the wing; you have greatly advanced the market-price of imported wine.” And Sophilus, in Androcles, demands that this practice be introduced at Athens, proposing that two or three “fish-inspectors” be chosen by the Council. Lynceus of Samos even wrote a treatise on How to Buy in the market, addressed to a man who found buying difficult. It told him what he must pay to the murderous fishmongers in order to buy what he wanted profitably and without too much agony.
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§ 6.13 [229a] After this Ulpian once more recurred to the thorny places in what had been said and asked: “Can we prove that the ancients used silver ware at their dinners, and is the word for platter a Greek noun? For Homer said in the Odyssey:'Before them, again, the swineherd laid platters of meat.' But Aristophanes of Byzantium maintains that the laying of meats on platters is a later custom; he does not know that in other verses the poet has said:'The carver brought and laid platters of meat before them.' I also want to know whether any persons owned a large number of slaves, as the men of our own times do, and whether the form teganon ('frying-pan') is used, and not tagenon only; and let us not drink and eat everything merely to satisfy the belly, like the persons whom we name parasites or flatterers.”
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§ 6.14 [230a] In answer to Ulpian Aemilianus said: “As for'platter,' you have that utensil named also in The Thurio-Persians of the comic poet Metagenes. And teganon, my good sir, is mentioned thus by Pherecrates in Frills:'He said too that he had eaten anchovies auteganon.' And the same writer in The Persians:'(He told me) to sit down by the frying-pans and light a fire under the rushes.' Philonides in The Buskins:'Welcome with kneading-troughs and frying-pans.' And again:'Taking a sniff at the frying-pans.' Eubulus in Orthannes:'The fan stirs up the watch- dogs of Hephaestus, rousing them to fury with the hot vapour from the pan.' And again:'Every pretty woman who is in love resorts thither, and with the frying-pan enjoys her share of luxury.' And in The Titans:'The casserole smiles up at me and splutters with barbarian prattle; the fish jump in the middle of the pans.' The verb'eat-from-the pan' is mentioned by Phrynichus in The Tragedians:'Pleasant it is to eat from the pan without paying the scot.' And Pherecrates in Ant-Men says:'But you are eating from the pan.' Hegesander of Delphi says that the Syracusans call the casserole a teganon (frying-pan'), but the teganon they call a'dry-pan'; wherefore, he says, Theodoridas in a certain short poem has:'Well did the pan (teganon) stew in a boiling swim,' thus calling the casserole a'pan.' and Ionians, dropping the letter t, call it eganon. Thus Anacreon:'He put his hand in the eganon (”pan").'
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§ 6.15 [231a] “Concerning the use of silver utensils, noble Ulpian, I am led to make observation by what Alexis has said in The Refugee:'For where crockery is exposed for cooks to hire.' Down to Macedonian times people at dinner were served from utensils of crockery, as my compatriot Juba says. But when the Romans shifted their mode of living in the direction of greater luxury, Cleopatra, who caused the downfall of the Egyptian monarchy, in imitation of the Romans gave up her mode of living. But not being able to change the name, she called a silver or a gold vessel'crockery' pure and simple, and used to bestow such'crockery-ware' upon her guests at dinner to take home; and this ware was of the most costly kind; for the Rhosic ware, which is the most gaily decorated of all, Cleopatra used to spend five minas every day. And King Ptolemy in the eighth book of his Commentaries, where he discusses Massinissa, the king of Libya, says:'Dinners were got up in the Roman style and furnished with crockery which was all silver; the tables of the second courses he adorned in accordance with Italic customs; all the baskets were of gold, and were in imitation of those made with reed intertwined; but the musicians whom he employed were Greek.'
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§ 6.16 Aristophanes, the comic poet, who is said to have been a native of Naucratis by Heliodorus of Athens in his work On the Acropolis (which is in fifteen books), tells in his play Plutus how, at the appearance of the god bearing that name, the fish-platters suddenly turned to silver, as did all the other utensils. He says:'Every vinegar-cruet and casserole and pot has become bread; the worn-out fish-platters, one can see, are of silver, and the lantern all of a sudden has become ivory.' Plato in Envoys:'And, as a consequence, Epicrates and Phormisius got a great many bribes from the great king — golden saucers and silver platters.' And Sophron in Mimes of Women says:'With vessels of bronze and vessels of silver the house gleamed.'
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§ 6.17 [232a] Philippides, in The Abolition of Money, mentions the use of such ware as something vulgar and confined to a few, yet affected by certain newly-rich among the resident foreigners:'A. But a kind of pity for almost en in the world lies deep in my sought, when I see free men in sore straits, while rogues from the whipping-post eat salt fish worth perhaps only two or three pence from a silver platter weighing a pound, or capers bought for three farthings in a silver bowl weighing fifty drachms. Yet in the old days it was actually hard to discover a (silver) saucer dedicated in a temple. B. Well, that's true still even today. For, if a man dedicates one, another quickly carries it off.' And Alexis in The Scarf, introducing a young man who is in love and who displays his wealth to his sweetheart, makes him say this: A.'And I told my slaves (since I had brought two from home) to place the cups, cleaned with soda, for all to see. And there was a ladle-cup of silver (this, to be sure, weighed two drachms), a gravy-dish weighing perhaps four more, and a small cooler weighing one and two-thirds drachms, of metal thinner than Philippides. B. Why! This was cleverly conceived, for all it was pure boasting.' I, for my part, also know of a citizen of our country, a bragging beggar, who, although his total possessions in silver ware amounted to no more than a drachm's weight, yet loudly called to his one and only slave, but one whose names were as innumerable as the sands:'Slave! Strombichides! Don't set before us the silver ware we use in winter, but what we use in summer.' A similar character also is the one in the play of Nicostratus entitled Kings. It is a swashbuckling soldier, of whether he says:'There remain a vinegar-cruet and a cooler, of metal thinner than the texture of his purple cloak.' For they used sometimes to hammer out silver even in those days to the likeness of a membrane.
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§ 6.18 Antiphanes in Lemnian Women says:'A three-legged table was set before us which held — O ye worshipful gods! — a nice flat-cake and honey in a silver bowl.' And the parodist Sopater in Orestes:'A silver platter containing a stale sheat-fish.' In the play entitled Lentil-Soup he also says:'Why! At his meals he has a silver vinegar-cruet, with figures of serpents in high relief — the kind which thibron, son of Tantalus, also acquired once on a time, a man who was softly out-talented of his talents.' Again, Theopompus of Chios in his Counsels to Alexander discusses his fellow-citizen Theocritus and says:'He also drinks from vessels of silver and gold and makes use of other similar utensils at the table — he, of all men, who earlier in life not only never had any silver-ware from which to drink, but he had no bronze ware either, only earthenware, and that, too, sometimes chipped.' And Diphilus in The Painter:'A choice luncheon came dancing on, composed of everything novel or much desired. There were all kinds of shell-fish, a cohort of limpets was drawn up alongside a heap of broiled meats rushed at us from the pan, and spiced drinks to wash them down, in silver mazers.' Philemon in The Doctor:'And a knapsack full of silverware.' Menander in The Self-Tormentor:'A bath, serving-maids,... silverware.' Also in Hymnis:'But I have come for the purpose of getting the silverware.' Lysias, in the speech On the Golden Tripod, if it be genuine:'There remained silver ware and gold ware to be given up.' But those who insist on pure Greek assert that he ought to have said'silver ornament' and'gold ornament.'”
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§ 6.19 [233a] After Aemilianus had concluded these many remarks, Pontianus said: “as a matter of fact, gold was really very scarce in Greece in ancient times, and the silver to be found in the mines was not considerable. Duris of Samos, therefore, says that Philip, the father of King Alexander the Great, always kept the small gold saucer which he owned lying under his pillow. Indeed, the golden ewe- lamb of Atreus, which caused eclipses of the sun, the downfall of monarchs, and what is more, provided most of the themes of tragedy, is said by Herodorus of Heracleia to have been a silver saucer which had a golden lamb in the centre. Anaximenes of Lampsacus, in the work entitled First Inquiries, says that the necklace of Eriphyle became famous merely because gold was at that time rare among the Greeks; indeed, it was even unusual to see a silver drinking-cup in those days. But after the seizure of Delphi by the Phocians, all such things as that took on abundance. Even those who were reputed to be very rich used to drink from bronze cups, and they called the receptacles for these'bronze-boxes.' And so Herodotus says that the priests of the Egyptians drank from bronze cups, and that once, when their kings were offering sacrifice together, not enough silver cups to be given to all could be found; at any rate, Psammetichus, being younger than all the other kings, poured his libation from a bronze cup. Be that as it may, when the Pythian shrine was looted by the Phocian usurpers, gold flamed up everywhere among the Greeks, and silver also came romping in. Later, when the all-highest Alexander brought away for his own uses the treasures of Asia the sun of'wealth, with far-flung might,' as Pindar has it, verily rose.
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§ 6.20 Now the votive offerings, also, of silver and gold at Delphi, had been dedicated in the first instance by Gyges, who was king of Lydia; and before his reign, the god at Delphi had no silver, much less gold, as Phaenias of Eresus tells us, and Theopompus in the fortieth book of his Philippica. For these authorities record that the Pythian shrine was adorned by Gyges and his successor Croesus, and after them by Gelon and Hieron, the Sicilian Greeks. The former dedicated a tripod and a Victory made of gold about the time when Xerxes was making his invasion of Greece, the latter dedicated similar offerings. The words of Theopompus are as follows:'For in ancient times the sacred precinct was adorned with bronze offerings which were not statues, but cauldrons and tripods made of bronze. Now the Lacedemonians, desiring to gild the face of the Apollo of Amyclae, but not finding any gold in Greece, sent to the oracle of the god and asked the god from whom they should purchase gold. And he returned answer to them that they should go and buy it from Croesus the Lydian. And so they went and bought it from Croesus. As for Hieron of Syracuse, he desired to dedicate to the god the tripod and the Victory of refined gold; for a long time he was puzzled to know where to get it, and finally sent messengers to search for it in Greece, who at last came to Corinth, and on investigation found it in the house of the Corinthian Architeles. He had been buying up small amounts for a long time, and had a large store. Well, he sold to Hieron's agents all that they wanted, and then, filling his hand with as much as it could hold, he added that as a present to them. In return for this Hieron sent from Sicily a shipload of grain and many other gifts.'
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§ 6.21 Phaenias records the same facts in his work on The Tyrants of Sicily, that the ancient votive offerings were of bronze, whether tripods, or cauldrons, or daggers; and on one of these, he says, is the inscription:'Behold me; for verily I was in Ilium's broad tower, what time we fought for Helen with the beautiful tresses; and Antenor's son, lordly Helicaon, carried me. But today the sacred soil of Leto's son holds me in its keeping.' On the tripod, which was one of the prizes offered at the games in honour of Patroclus, was inscribed”'A bronze tripod am I, dedicated as an offering at Pytho, and Achilles, swift of foot staked me in honour of Patroclus. And Tydeus's son, Diomedes good at the cry, made offering of me after his victory with race horses beside the broad Hellespont.'
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§ 6.22 Ephorus (or his son Demophilus ), speaking of the shrine at Delphi in the thirtieth book of his Histories, says:'Not only did Onomarchus, Phayllus, and Phalaecus convey away all the possessions of the god, but to cap all this, their wives took the jewelry of Eriphyle, which Alcmeon have ad dedicated in Delphi at the god's command, and also the necklace of Helen, which Menelaus had dedicated. For the god had given an oracle to both; to Alcmeon, when he asked what he might be relieved of his madness, he had said: “A precious boon thou askest of me, surcease from madness. Do thou also bring unto me a precious offering, wherewith thy mother once caused Amphiaraus to be hidden beneath the earth, horses and all.” To Menelaus, who asked how he might punish Alexander: “Bring the jewels, all of gold, which thou takest from thy wife's neck, and which Cypris once gave to Helen to be a great joy. Thus shall Alexander pay unto thee retribution most hateful.” Now it happened that the women fell to quarrelling over this jewelry, to see which of them should have which. And when lots were drawn for the division, one woman, of austere and morose mode of life, and full of solemnity, won eriphyle's necklace, while the other, who was exceedingly beautiful as well as dissolute, won Helen's. The latter fell in love with a young man from Epeirus and eloped with him, but the other got up a plot to kill her husband.'
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§ 6.23 [234a] The divine Plato and Lycurgus the Spartan not only would not allow anything whatsoever of a luxurious nature to be imported into their states, but they prohibited even silver and gold as well; they believed that of the materials obtained from mines, iron and copper were sufficient, and excluded the other metals as tending to injure States which had even vigorous constitutions. But the Stoic Zeno, while he made an exception of the legitimate and honourable use of money, nevertheless placed it in all other respects in the category of the'indifferent,' and discouraged both the pursuit and the avoidance of it, ordaining that one should make use of simplicity or superfluity in a purposeful manner. Zeno's intention in this was that men should maintain an attitude of the soul which evinces neither fear nor wonder toward things which are neither honourable nor dishonourable (per se), and so may adapt themselves in general to the things which are'according to nature'; on the other hand, having no far whatever of anything, men should abstain from what is opposed to nature through reason, and not through fear. For nature has not excluded from men's environment any of the things aforesaid, but has created underground veins of them, involving laborious and difficult toil, in order that persons who are eager for them may go after their acquisition in pain, and that not merely those who work in mines, but also those who amass the metals when mined, may pursue with infinite trouble this great wealth so universally admired. By way of providing a sample, to be sure, there are places where these kinds of metal are found on the surface, since, in remote corners of the world, ordinary brooks carry down grains of gold which women or men of feeble body extract by rubbing and sifting with the sand, and after washing it they carry it to the melting-pot. This is the custom among the Helvetians, as my fellow-countryman Poseidonius says, and among some other Celts. Again, the mountains which used to be called Rhipaean, then later named Olbian, and today Alps, which are in Celtic land, oozed silver whenever a forest fire broke out spontaneously. Nevertheless, by far the greatest quantity of this metal is found'by delvings deep and painful,' to quote Demetrius of Phalerum,'since avarice hopes to drag out of earth's recesses Pluto himself.' By way of jest, indeed, he declares that men often lavish what they plainly have for the sake of what is uncertain; they fail to get what they expected, but let fall what they had, meeting with misfortune in a kind of conundrum.
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§ 6.24 Although the Lacedemonians, as Poseidonius also records, were forbidden by custom from importing into Sparta or acquiring either silver or gold, they none the less acquired it, but they deposited it for safe keeping with their neighbours the Arcadians. They then proceeded to make enemies of them where once they were friends, in order that through this enmity their disobedience might pass without investigation. It is recorded, to be sure, that the gold and silver which had previously been in Lacedemon was dedicated to the Apollo of Delphi, but Lysander brought it into the city for public use, and so became the author of many evils. There is a story, at any rate, that Gylippus, the liberator of Syracuse, starved himself to death because he had been convicted by the Ephors of having embezzled some of the funds brought in be by Lysander. It was not easy for a mere mortal to regard as of small value the gold which had been dedicated to the god and bestowed as an ornament and possession of the people.
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§ 6.25 Among the Celts, the tribe called Scordistae, though they refrain from importing gold into their own country, nevertheless do not pass silver by when they pillage and outrage other people's lands. This tribe is a remnant of the Celts who attacked the Delphic oracle under Brennus, but a leader named Bathanattus removed them to the regions round the Danube; from him also the road by which they retreated is called Bathanattia, and they call his descendants Bathanatti to this very day. They also eschew gold and do not bring it into their native towns, because through it they had undergone many terrible trials; but they use silver, and for its sake commit many terrible acts. And yet surely they ought not to have banished that class of metal so sacrilegiously stolen, but rather the impiety which had committed the sacrilege. For if they had not brought silver into their country any more than gold, then they would sin with respect to bronze and iron; or, again, if even these were not found among them, then they would be continually exercising their craze for war in order to steal food and drink and other necessities."
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§ 6.26 Here Pontianus finished his many remarks. Most of the party eagerly aspired to solve Ulpian's problems, and among those who interpreted the problems still remaining Plutarch said: “The name of parasite was in old times dignified and sacred. Take, for example, what Polemon writes about parasites (I know not whether he likes to be called the Samian, or the Sikyonian, or the Athenian, names for him which Heracleides of Mopsuestia enumerates, adding others derived from other cities; he used also to bear the soubriquet of'tablet-picker,' according to Herodicus, the disciple of Crates ):'Parasite is nowadays a disreputable term, but among the ancients we find it used of something sacred, equivalent to companion at a sacred feast. In the Herakleion in Cynosarges there is a stele on which is a decree proposed by Alcibiades, the clerk being Stephanus, son of Thucydides. With regard to the use of the term the words to be found on it are as follows: ”The priest shall sacrifice the monthly offerings in company with the parasites. These parasites shall be drawn from men of mixed descent and their children, according to ancestral custom. And whosoever shall decline to serve as a parasite shall be cited before the court on precisely this charge." Again, on the law tablets that relate to the Deliastai ( Delian sacred mission), it is written: “Also the two heralds from the house of Heralds connected with the Mysteries. These shall serve as parasites for a year in the Delion” And at Pallenis there is inscribed on the votive offerings “Dedicated by the magistrates and parasites who were awarded a gold crown in the archonship of Pythodorus. In the year of the priestess Diphile the parasites were Epilycus, son of... stratus of Gargettus, Pericles, son of Pericleitus of Pitthos, Charinus, son of Demochares of Gargettus.” Again in the laws of the king it is written: “The parasites of Acharnae shall sacrifice to Apollo.”' Clearchus of Soli, who was one of Aristotle's disciples, records the following in the first book of his Lives:'Further: whereas today a parasite is one who is only too ready, in those days he was one especially enrolled to have subsistence with others. In their old laws, at any rate, most states still include even today parasites among their most honoured officials.' And Cleidemus, in his Atthis, says:'parasites also were chosen to honour Heracles.' So Themison in his Pallenis:'It shall be administered by the king in office at the time, the magistrates and the parasites chosen in addition from the demes, as also by the elders and the women still living with their first husbands.'
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§ 6.27 You can, my noble Ulpian, now ask again, in the light of this quotation, who are'the women still living with their first husbands'? However, since we are talking about parasites, there is also an inscription on a tablet in the Anaceium:'Of the two oxen which are specially selected as the leaders, one-third shall go to the expenses of the festival; as for the other two-thirds, one part shall go to the priest, the other to the parasites.' Crates, in the second book of his Attic Dialect, says:'And the word parasite has in our times shifted its meaning to apply to a disreputable thing, but in earlier times was the name given to those who were chosen to select the sacred grain, and there was a special repository for their use. Wherefore, in the king's code the following also stands written: “He who is king shall see that the magistrates are appointed and that the parasites are chosen from the demes according to the statutes. And the parasites are to select, each from his own share in the king's office, eight quarts of barley, and those Athenians who are in the sacred precinct are to be feasted therewith according to ancestral custom. And the parasites of Acharnae are to bring their eight quarts in honour of Apollo to the repositories after the barley has been selected.” That there was also a repository for them is proved by what is written in the same code “For the repair of the temple, the magazine of the parasites, and the sacred house, payment shall be made at whatsoever price the repairers of sacred places shall fix in the contract.” From this it is clear that the repository in which the parasites placed the first fruits of the grain was called the “parasition.”' The same facts are recorded by Philochorus also in the work entitled Tetrapolis, when he mentions the parasites who were drafted for the service of Heracles; also by Diodorus of Sinope, comic poet, in his Heiress, whose testimony I will cite a little later. Aristotle, in his Constitution of the Methonaians, says:'There were two parasites for each magistrate, and one for each military office; they received regular contributions from certain other persons, and particularly fish from the fishermen.'
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§ 6.28 But as for the modern use of the term parasite, Carystius of Pergamum, in his work on Dramatic Performances, says that it was first invented by Alexis. He forgets, however, that Epicharmus, in Hope or Wealth, introduced the character at a drinking-bout with these words:'But another came stalking in here at the heels of the first — one whom, I can assure you, you will easily as things now go, find ever ready to assist at the feast. (However poor he may be) this fellow can none the less quaff life in a single breath, as he would a cup.' And he makes the parasite himself say these words to his questioner:'Dine another with him who desires me (he needs only to ask me), and alike with him who desires me not (and there is no need to ask); at dinner there I am a wit, and cause much laughter and praise my host. And if anyone wants to say something hostile to him, I revile the upstart and so get myself hated. Then after eating heartily and drinking heartily I take my leave; but no slave carries a lamp ahead for me. I skulk along the slippery way and am alone in the darkness; if I meet the watchmen anywhere, the one good thing that I can ascribe to the gods is this, that patrol wants no more omen than a flogging. And when at last I get home, done of the death, I go to sleep without any bedding, and never heed the first thing so long as the neat wine holds and befuddles my senses.'
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§ 6.29 [235a] And Epicharmus's parasite goes on to recite other matters of the same kind. The parasite in Diphilus says:'When a rich man gets up a dinner and invites me, I don't stop to notice the triglyphs or the ceiling; nor do I examine the Corinthian jars, but I watch intently the chef's smoke. And when it comes pouring straight up in an eager rush, I am all delight, I rejoice and am in a flutter but when it comes out crosswise and thin, I at once perceive that that dinner isn't going to have even a drop of blood for me.' But Homer was the first, as some people assert, to introduce a parasite when he says that Podes was a friendly companion at the feast of Hector:'There was a man among the Trojans, Podes, son of Eetion, rich and brave withal; more than all others among the people Hector honoured him, for he was his comrade, a friendly companion at the feast.' For when he speaks of a friend at the feast he means a friend when it came to eating. That is why he represents him as wounded by Menelaus in the belly, just as, Demetrius of Scepsis says, Pandarus for his perjury was wounded in the tongue. And Podes was wounded by a man from Sparta, who zealously practised frugality.
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§ 6.30 [236a] The ancient poets called parasites flatterers, a name by which Eupolis entitled his play, making the chorus of Flatterers say:'But now we will tell you the manner of life which flatterers lead; listen then, for we are clever gentlemen in all emergencies. In the first place, another man's slave is our attendant usually, but he's mine for a little while. Then I have these two nice coats which I interchange continually, the one for the other, when I go out to the market. And when I spy a simpleton who is rich, I fasten upon him at once. And if the rich blighter chances to say anything, I loudly praise him and express my amazement, pretending delight in his words. Then we go to dinner, one of us in one direction, another in another — all to get a barley-cake not our own. There the flatterer must at once begin his witty chatter or be chucked out at the door. I know that that the happened to the blackguard Acestor; for he uttered an outrageous jest, and the slave led him out at the door — with a collar on — and handed him over to Oineus.'
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§ 6.31 [237a] The name parasite is mentioned by Araros in The Wedding Hymn in these lines:'It must be that you are a parasite, dearie; and here comes Ischomachus, who as it chances keeps you in food.' But the word occurs often among more recent poets. The verb also occurs in the philosopher Plato, in Laches. He says, namely:'And the lads parasite with us.' Alexis in The Pilot says there are two classes of parasites. The lines are:'P. There are two classes of parasite, Nausinicus. One is the widely-prevailing kind, ridiculed on the stage, the black ones we. Then there lives another class, a tribe well called by the name “august parasite,” that skilfully act the part of nabob parasites and generals of renown in their ways of living, with eyebrows a thousand talents weight, squandering estates right and left. Do you know the kind and thing I speak of? N. Indeed I do. P. The mode of operation in each of these two classes is the same; it's a contest in flattery. As it generally happens in men's lives, fate assigns some of us to great patrons, others to patrons of less degree; and so some of us are well off, while others of us are in despair. Do I make myself clear, Nausinicus? N. You hit the nail on the head. However, if I give you any more praise, you'll be asking me for something!'
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§ 6.32 [238a] With a deft touch Timocles outlines the parasite's character in Dracontium, thus:'So I am to allow anyone to abuse a parasite? Not a bit of it. For there doesn't exist a more useful class when it comes to the things I have just described. Again, if you grant that sociability is one of the virtues, your parasite practises that to perfection. Suppose you're in love; he proves himself in your affair a helper who never shirks. You have some business to transact; he will stand you and carry through whatever is wanted, claiming his patron's rights as if they were his own — an incomparable admirer of his friends. But, you say, they enjoy the pleasures of eating without paying their share. Well, what mortal man does not do that? Still more, what god or hero discountenances that kind of pastime? Not to drag out the army with too many instances, I think I can cite one proof of immense importance, to show that the parasites' life is held in honour. They are given for their deserts exactly the same prize as those who win at the Olympic Games — maintenance. For all places where payment is not imposed should be called Prytaneia.'
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§ 6.33 Again, Antiphanes says in The Twins:'For the parasite, if you look at him rightly, is a part near in both things, our fortune and our life. No parasite prays that his friends may have misfortune; quite the contrary, he prays that all may have perpetual good fortune. A man may be sumptuous in his mode of life; he feels no envy, but only prays that he may stand beside him and share his wealth. He is also a noble friend and safe as well, not contentious, not quick to take offence, not malicious, good at enduring bad temper. If you joke at his expense, he laughs. He is affectionate, amusing, gay in character; again, he is a good soldier, du passing belief, if only his ration be a dinner promptly served.'
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§ 6.34 And Aristophon says in The Doctor: "I wish to explain to him beforehand what sort of man I am in my ways. If anyone gives a dinner, I am first on the spot, so that long since I am known by the name of Broth. If someone who has drunk too much has to be tackled at the waist and you would think that you saw in me an Argive wrestler. Or perhaps a house door is to be assaulted; I am a battering-ram. At climbing up a ladder, I am a Capaneus; at enduring blows I am an anvil; at fashioning fisticuffs I am a Telamon, at tempting the fair, smoke.' And in The Disciple of Pythagoras he says:'When it comes to being hungry, and not eating a single bite, imagine that you are looking at Tithymallus or Philippides. At drinking he's a frog, at getting all the benefit out of thyme and greens, caterpillar, at abstaining from a bath, a filth-pot; at passing the winter in the open, he's a crow, at enduring heat and chattering at noonday, a cicada, at refusing to anoint himself with oil under any circumstances, a dust-cloud, at walking about shoeless in the early dawn, a crane, and at sleeping not so much as a wink, a bat.'
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§ 6.35 And Antiphanes, in Ancestors:'You know my character, and that I hold within me no vain conceit; rather, toward my friends, good sir, I am like this: at receiving blows I am pig-iron, at giving blows, a thunder-bolt, at blinding the eyes, a lightning flash, at picking a fellow up and carrying him off, a hurricane, at choking him, a nose, at wrenching the bolts of a door, an equal, at hopping in, a cricket, at eating uninvited, a fly; as immovable as a cistern, I can choke, murder, bear false witness, do anything that one may happen to propose — all at a moment's notice. And the younger chaps for all these traits call me Thunderbolt. But I don't mind their jokes at all. For I am a friend to my friends, and it's my nature to serve them with deeds, not words alone.' Diphilus in The Parasite makes his parasite say these lines on the occasion of an impending marriage:'You don't know what the curses threaten in case a man should refuse to show the way correctly, or to kindle a fire; or should he poison the water or hinder a man who wanted — to give a dinner.' And Eubulus in Oidipus:'The man who invites anyone to dinner, be it friend or foreigner, and then extracts a contribution — may he have to flee the country without taking any thing from home.'
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§ 6.36 [238b] Diodorus of Sinope, in The Heiress, expresses himself with equal elegance on the subject of parasites: I want to show you plainly that this is a business august and rightly recognized, a veritable discovery of the gods. As for the other arts, no gods disclosed them, but only clever men. Aye, the parasite's life was an invention of Zeus the god of Friendship, admittedly the mightiest of the gods. for this god enters our houses, making no distinction between rich and poor; and wherever he sees a couch nicely spread, with the table laid beside it holding everything that can be desired, he forthwith lies down with the guests decorously and feasts himself; and having eaten of this and drunk of that, he goes back home without paying the scot. And that is what I do today. Whenever I see couches spread, the tables ready, the door standing open, I enter there noiselessly; I assume my best manners, so as not to annoy my fellow-drinker; and after enjoying all that is served, I go back home like Zeus the god of Friendship. And that this business has always been noble and in good repute, one may realize still more clearly from this: whenever the State honours Heracles sumptuously, celebrating festivals in all the demes, never to this day has it chosen by lot, for these feasts, parasites to honour the god; and it and selected for this purpose ordinary citizens either. No, the State made a list from the citizens, carefully selecting twelve men who were sons of Athenian parents, who owned property, and who had lived decent lives. And so, in later times, certain rich men, imitating the example of Heracles, picked out parasites to support, and invited them in, selecting not the finest men, but those best able to play the flatterer and praise them in everything. Why! When a patron, after eating radishes or a stale sheat-fish, belches in their faces, the flatterers say that he must have lunched on violets and roses. And when the patron breaks wind as he lies next to one of these fellows, the latter applies his nose and begs him to tell him, “Where do you buy that incense?” It is because of such people, who make outrageous use of flatterers, that what was once estimable and noble is today a scandal.'
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§ 6.37 [239a] And Axionicus says in Aping the Chalcidians:'As soon as I, still a stripling, had come to love the parasite's life in company with Philoxenus, that “Ham-cleaver,” I began to receive patiently blows from knuckles, bowls, and bones; they were so many and so severe that sometimes I bore eight wounds at the least. (But I didn't mind) for it paid; I am indeed a slave to pleasure. And so I have come to think that the business is in a way actually profitable. Suppose, for example, a man is quarrelsome, and gets into a brawl with me; I face about and acknowledge to him all the evil that he has said of me, and so I straightway come off without injury. Again, a scoundrel asserts that he is a good man; I load him with praise and win his gratitude. If today I eat a slice of boiled grey-fish, I am not disturbed if tomorrow I have it to eat warmed over. Such is my character and my nature.' Antidotus, in the play entitled Premier Danseur, brings on the stage a character resembling the modern professors in the Claudian Institute, whom it is a disgrace even to mention; this is what he says concerning the School for Parasites:'Take up your positions, now, and pay attention to me. Before I became a registered voter, and received the cloak, whenever the conversation happened to fall on how to be a parasite, I always drank in the art eagerly, and proved that I had a precocious understanding in grasping it.'
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§ 6.38 [240a] Several parasites are specially mentioned by name. There was first of all Tithymallus, whom Alexis mentions in The Milesian Woman and in Odysseus at the Loom. In The Olynthians he says:'Yes, my dear, but your husband is a poor man, and Death, they say, avoids that class of persons alone; Tithymallus, for example, haunts the town, deathless ever.' And Dromon in The Harp-girl:'A. I was ashamed beyond words to go to dinner again without paying my share; for it is altogether scandalous. B. Never mind. Tithymallus, at least, may be seen prowling about, redder than scarlet. He blushes so at not paying his share!' Timocles, in The Centaur, or Dexamenus:'Calling him an out-and out Tithymallus and parasite.' And in The Caunians:'Has dinner been brought on yet? What's the delay? Hurry, my good man! For Tithymallus, completely dead, came to life just by chewing some lupines at the price of only eight pints to the penny. For though he could not patiently face death, he patiently bore his hunger.'And in The Letters:'Ah me, poor devil, how madly in love am I! I swear by the gods, not even Tithymallus ever conceived such a violate passion for something to eat, not Cormus for a cloak to steal, not Nilus for barley-meal, not Corydus (Lark) for exercising his teeth without paying the scot!' Antiphanes in The Etruscan:'A. It is a virtue to assist one's friends Gratis. B. Then you mean that Tithymallus will be a rich man. For if he is going to exact pay according to your meaning from those with whom he dines Gratis, he will collect a lot of virtue!'
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§ 6.39 [241a] Then there was also Lark among the parasites mentioned by name. Timocles speaks of him thus in The Spiteful Man:'To see a well-stocked market is very pleasant for a rich man, but if one is poor, it is very painful. Lark, at any rate, because, I suppose, he had not been invited out, tried to buy some fish to take home. Alas! His experience was funny — a fellow with only four farthings, he looked at the eels, the tunny -steaks, the electric rays, the crawfish, and his mouth watered. And as he walked about everywhere, he inquired the price of them all, but when he learned it, he scuttled off to the small-fry market. Alexis in Demetrius or Philetaerus:'Nay, but I should feel shame in the presence of Lark, if I should be seen lunching with certain persons so readily. Still, I shall not refuse any more than Lark would, whether he is invited or not.' And in The Nurse:'A. Our Lark here, the one who is in the habit of saying the funny things, wants to be known as Sharp-Eyes. B. And with good reason; for Sharp-Eyes is rich.' And Cratinus the Younger in The Tians:'Against Lark, the man of bronze mould, be thou on thy guard; verily thou shalt believe that he will leave thee naught; thou shalt never eat fish in company with this Lark; I warn thee; for he has a hand that is mighty, brazen, untiring, stronger than the very fire.' That Lark used to say funny things, and was willing to be laughed at for them, Alexis also tells us in The Poets:'Yes, indeed! I am here ready to be laughed at and continually to say funny things, much better than any other Athenian can excepting Lark.' Reminiscences of him have been published by Lynceus of Samos, who says that his real name was Eucrates. He writes as follows:' Eucrates, the Lark, while drinking with a certain person whose house was in a tumble-down state, remarked, In this place one has to dine with left hand supporting the roof, like the Caryatides.'
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§ 6.40 [241a] Once, in the presence of Lark, who had the reputation of being a prostitute, the conversation turned on the high price of thrushes, and Philoxenus the Ham-cleaver said,'Yes, but I can remember when the lark cost only a penny.' But Philoxenus was also a parasite, as Axionicus says in Aping the Chalcidians. The quotation has been given already. He is mentioned in The Head-dress also, by Menander, who calls him Ham-cleaver and nothing more; and again by the comic poet Machon, who, though born either in Corinth or Sikyon, spent the last days of his life in my own Alexandria, and became a teacher of the grammarian Aristophanes in all matters pertaining to comedy. He also died in Alexandria, and the epitaph on his tomb reads:'Spread, O gentle earth, the lush ivy, dear to the games, over the tomb of Machon, writer of comedies. For he was no re-vamping drone, now held by thee, but thou didst enwrap the remains of one worthy of the ancient art. Thus shall the old man speak: O city of Cecrops, beside the Nile, even as in thee, there grows sometimes a pungent shrub in the garden of the Muses.' In these lines he plainly shows that he was an Alexandrian in origin. However that may be, Machon mentions Lark in the following:'One of his companions once asked Eucrates the Lark how Ptolemy had treated him. I know not yet clearly, he replied; to be sure, he has given me draughts in plenty, like any physician; but of food to eat he has not yet given me anything.' Lynceus, in the second book of his work On Menander says:' Eucleides the son of Smicrines and Philoxenus the Ham-cleaver won a reputation for funny sayings. Of these two men Eucleides would often give out sententious utterings not unworthy of being recorded in a book, while in other remarks he was tasteless and flat. Philoxenus, on the other hand, though in his prattle he did not as a rule say anything specially noteworthy, if he was stirred to resentment against any of his associates at the table, or had a story to tell, used language which was always full of elegance and charm. And so it came about that whereas Eucleides ended his days in obscurity, Philoxenus was loved and honoured by everybody.'
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§ 6.41 [242a] Alexis mentions another parasite, Moschion, in Trophonius, and calls him'trencher-mate' in these verses:'Then there was Moschion, heralded as the trencher-mate among mortals.' And in The Pancration-fighter Alexis, in giving a list of dinner-chasers, says:'A. First, you know, there was Callimedon the Crayfish; then came Lark, Gudgeon, Pod, Mackerel, and Mealy. B. Dear Heracles, woman! You are telling of a bazaar, not a banquet.' Pod was the soubriquet given to Epicrates, the kinsman of the orator Aeschines, as Demosthenes tells us in the oration on The Faithless Conduct of the Embassy. Epithets of this kind, applied to parasites by Athenians in derisive jest, are mentioned by Anaxandrides in Odysseus, thus:'For you continually deride one another, I know absolutely. If, for example, one is good-looking, you call him Sacred Marriage. If he is an out-and little mannikin, you call him Drip. Perhaps one comes out with radiant looks — at once his name is Fop. Oily Democles goes walking round — he has the name of Broth; another likes to be unkempt and dirty — he turns out to be Dust-cloud. Behind some man a flatterer follows — his surname is Dinghy. One who usually goes about dinnerless belongs to the family of Fasting-mullets; if one leers at the beauties, he is Smoke, of the family of Theagenes. Somebody playfully filches a lamb from a shield — he is called Atreus. If he steals a ram, he is Phrixus; if a fleece, Jason.'
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§ 6.42 [242b] Matron also mentions the parasite Chaerephon, in a passage quoted before, but Menander mentions him as well in The Head-dress. And in Temperament also he says:'Not the smallest bit different from Chaerephon is the fellow, whoever he is, who was once invited to dine when the sun's shadow marks twelve feet; rising at dawn, he took a look at the shadow cast by the moon and ran full speed as though he were late, arriving at daybreak.' And in The Carouse:'For Chaerephon, who is the cleverest of men, put me off by alleging that he was going to celebrate at his house a sacred marriage on the twenty-second of the month, in the hope that he might get a dinner at the house of other people on the fourth; for, he said, the omens of the goddess were in every way favourable.' Menander mentions Chaerephon also in The Hermaphrodite or Cretan. And Timocles likewise speaks of him in The Letters as living on the bounty of the prodigal Demotion:'Demotion, expecting his money to last him for ever, did not spare it, but fed in his house anyone who so desired. Chaerephon — oh, the wretch! — used to imagine that he was actually going to his own house. And look you now. Is not this again an undignified thing, just to receive as one's trencher-mate a collared rogue? For Demotion is neither a dignified nor a moneyless man.' And Antiphanes in The Scythian:'A. Let's go to a revel, so please you, just as we are. B. Shan't we take torch and wreaths? A. No, Chaerephon has learned to revel in that way when he has had no dinner.' Timotheus in The Puppy:'Let's try to get away and slip into the dinner-party. It is to have seven couches, so he was telling me, unless Chaerephon manages to get himself stuffed in as an extra somewhere.'
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§ 6.43 Apollodorus of Carystus in The Priestess:'A new Chaerephon, they say, has slipped uninvited into the wedding at the house of Ophelas. For he took a basket and a wreath, since it was dark, and pretending that he had come from the bride as a porter bringing fowls, he thrust himself in, it appears, and so got a dinner.' Again, in The Girl what was Sacrificed:'I call upon Ares, I call upon Victory, to favour my expedition; I also call Chaerephon, for even if I don't call, he will come uncalled.' And the comic poet Machon says:'Once upon a time Chaerephon came a long way from town to attend a dinner at a wedding. And they say that the poet Diphilus remarked, You, Chaerephon, had better hammer four nails into each of your jaws, that you may not twist your cheekbones out of shape every time you come a long way in frantic haste.' And again:' Chaerephon once on a time went to buy some meat. And they say that the butcher sliced off for him by chance a very bony piece of meat. At which he remarked, “Butcher, don't add the weight of that bone to my bill.” But the butcher replied, “Yes, but it is very sweet. In fact, the nearer the bone, they say, the sweeter the meat.” But Chaerephon answered, “It may be very sweet, my friend, but its added weight hurts wherever it is applied.”' There is even a book by Chaerephon recorded by Callimachus in his Table of Miscellany; he write as follows:'Writers on dinners: Chaerephon; dedicated to Pod.' And then he subjoins the beginning of it,'Since you have often bidden me' (and adds the size)'in three hundred and seventy-five lines.' That Pod was a parasite has been explained before.
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§ 6.44 [243a] Mentioning another parasite named Archephon, Machon says:'The parasite Archephon was invited to dinner by King Ptolemy after he had returned to Egypt from Attica. All kinds of fish which are found near rocks were set upon the table, as well as genuine crawfish, and to crown all, a fat casserole was brought in containing three sliced gobies, at which all the guests were amazed. Archephon was enjoying greatly his fill of the parrot-fishes together with the red mullets and the forked hake — he was a fellow gorged with sprats and minnows and Phaleric anchovies, but he kept aloof from the gobies most abstemiously. Now his conduct was so very strange that the king asked Alcenor,'It can't be, can it, that Archephon has overlooked the gobies?" To which the hunchback replied, “No, Ptolemy, quite the contrary; he was the first to see them, but he refrains from touching them, because he treats this fish as taboo, and fears it somehow; and having come to dinner without paying his share, it is against his ancestral custom to injure a fish which carries its credentials with it.”'
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§ 6.45 [243b] Alexis in The Fire-lighter introduces the parasite Stratius expressing his disgust at his patron in these terms:'It would have been better for me to be a parasite of Pegasus or the Sons of Boreas or anything that result faster still, rather than live with this Demeas, son of Laches, for all he is an Eteobutade. For when he goes through the streets it is nothing like walking, it is flying!' And after a few lines:' A. Stratius, I'm sure you love me. S Ay, more than my father; for he doesn't support me, whereas you support me sumptuously. A. And you pray that I may live for ever? S. Yes, to all the gods; for if anything happens to you, how am I to get my living?' The comic poet Axionicus, in The Etruscan, mentions the parasite Gryllion in these lines:'A. We have no wine in the house. B. Then beg some from our comrades, making the excuse that it is for a revel; that is what Gryllion is always in the habit of doing.' Aristodemus, in the second book of his Humorous Memoirs, records the names of parasites; attached to King Antiochus was Sostratus, to Demetrius Poliorcetes the hunchback Evagoras, to Seleucus Phormion. And Lynceus of Samos says in his Apophthegms:' Gryllion, the parasite of Menander the Satrap, used to go about in a coat with purple border attended by a large retinue; and the Athenian Silanus, when asked who that was replied, “The Honourable Jaw of Menander.”' As for the parasite Chaerephon, he says that once he got into a wedding-party uninvited and took his place last on a couch; and when the Supervisors of Women counted the guests they told him to be off, because he exceeded the limit of thirty guests allowed by law. “well, then,' he replied,'count them over again, but begin with me.'
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§ 6.46 That it was customary for the Supervisors of Women to overseer symposia and scrutinize the number of guests to see whether it was according to law is shown by Timocles, in Fond of the Bench, thus:'Open at once the front door, that we may be more conspicuous in the light, in case the supervisor of women, as he strolls by, wants to take the number of the diners, the thing which he is in the habit of doing in accordance with the new law. He ought to do just the reverse and scrutinize the house of the dinnerless.' And Menander in The Head-dress:'Learning at the office of the Supervisors of Women that a list had been drawn up, in accordance with a new law, of all the caterers who serve at weddings, the object being to find out whether anyone happens to be entertaining more guests than the law allows, he went...' And Philochorus, in the seventh book of the History of Attica, says:'The Supervisors of Women, in co-operation with the Areopagites, used to watch all the gatherings in private houses, whether they were wedding-parties or other sacrificial feasts.'
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§ 6.47 [244a] The following are some of the smart sayings of Lark recorded by Lynceus. Once, when a courtesan whose name was Resolve was at a symposium with Lark, the wine gave out, and he told each guest to contribute twopence, whereas Resolve should transmit whatever was voted by the people. The harp-player Polyctor was once greedily drinking some lentil soup, and hit his tooth on a stone.'You poor fool,' said Lark,'even the lentil soup throws things at you.' (Perhaps Polyctor is the man referred to by Machon when he says:'A very bad harp-singer, it appears, was about to repair his house, and asked his friend for some stones. ”I will pay them back to you in much greater number," he said, “after the performance.”) When a certain Corydon was telling that he used to kiss his wife's neck, breasts, and navel (omphalon), he said “now this is really wicked; for even Heracles went from Omphale to Hebe.” When Phyromachus upset the bowl as he was dipping bread into his lentil soup, Lark said,'He ought to be fined for having himself registered when he does not know how to dine out.' Once a delicious vol-au-vent was passed round at Ptolemy's table, but always gave out at his place. He said,' Ptolemy, am I drunk, or do I imagine that I am seeing things go round me?' And when the parasite Chaerephon said that he could not take wine, he remarked,'You mean you can't take what is mixed with the wine.' And when Chaerephon arose at a dinner stark naked he said,' Chaerephon, you are like an oil-jug; I can see how far you are full.' About the time when Demosthenes accepted the cup from Harpalus he said,'The very man who calls other people “neat-wine-goblets” has grabbed the biggest one for himself.' And although Chaerephon was in the habit of bringing gritty loaves of bread to dinner-parties, when somebody brought in still blacker loaves he said that it was not bread, but the black shadows of bread, that the man had brought.
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§ 6.48 [244b] The parasite Philoxenus, whose nickname was Ham-cleaver, was once lunching at the house of Python. Olives were served, and presently a goulash was addled. With a rap on his bowl he quoted,'He lashed them into a go.' When the host who had bidden him to a dinner served loaves of black bread he said,'Don't serve too many, for fear you bring on darkness.' Of the parasite who was kept by the old woman, Pausimachus used to say that he suffered the opposite of what the old lady did when he was with her; for it was he who always had a bellyful. Concerning him Machon also writes as follows:'They say, too, that Moschion, who goes by the name of Teetotaler, once saw in the Lyceum in company with certain persons a parasite who was kept by a rich old woman (and he cried out): You there! what's your name, you're carrying on an incredible affair, because the old woman causes you always to have a bellyful.' And the same Moschion, hearing of a parasite who was kept by an old woman, that he went to see her every day (said):'Today, as the saying is, all kinds of things can happen; for whereas the old woman cannot conceive, this man here gets a bellyful every day.' [245a] Ptolemy, the son of Agesarchus, who was a native of Megalopolis, says, in the second book of his Inquiries relating to Philopator, that drinking-companions for that king used to gather from every city, who were called'laugh-artists.'
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§ 6.49 Poseidonius of Apameia says, in the twenty-third book of his Histories:'The Celts, even when they go to war, carry round with them living-companions whom they call parasites. These persons recite their praises before men when they are gathered in large companies as well as before any individual who listens to them in private. And their entertainments are furnished by the so called Bards; these are poets, as it happens, who recite praises in song.' And in the thirty-fourth book the same historian records the name of a certain Apollonia who was a parasite of Antiochus, surnamed Grypus, the king of Syria. Aristodemus tells the story of Bithys, the parasite of King Lysimachus, who, when Lysimachus thrust a wooden scorpion into his cloak, jumped up in utter fright, and then, realizing what the thing was, he said:'I will now give you a shock, Your Majesty. Give me a talent.' For Lysimachus was very niggardly. Agatharchides of Cnidus, in the twenty-second book of his European History, says that Anthemocritus the pancration-fighter became a parasite of Aristomachus, the tyrant of Argos.
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§ 6.50 [245b] On the subject of parasites in general Timocles, among others, speaks in The Boxer. He calls them'victual-seekers' in this lines:'You will find one of these victual-seekers, fellows who dine at other people's tables to the point of bursting, and who offer themselves, like so many punching-bags, for athletes to thrash.' Also Pherecrates in Old Women:'A. You there, Smicythion, won't you quickly go and be a victual-seeker? B. What is this man to you? A. He? Oh, he's a throat specialist whom I take everywhere with me at a price, a stranger from foreign parts.' For victual-seekers was the name given to those who rendered service for their keep. And Plato in the fourth book of the Republic:'Yes, and what is more, they are to be victual seekers, and they do not even get any pay over and above their food, as the others do.' Aristophanes, also, in The Storks:'For if you prosecute one man who is a rascal, a dozen men who are victual-seekers for other rascals will testify against you.' And Eubulus in Daedalus:'He is willing, without pay, to remain with them as their victual-seeker.'
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§ 6.51 [246a] Diphilus in Synoris ( Synoris was the courtesan's name), mentioning Euripides (a certain throw of the dice went by this name, Euripides ), and joking on the poet's name and on the subject of parasites as well, has the following:'A. You come off very nicely with that the throw. B. You will have your joke. Put up a shilling. A. I put it up long ago. B. I wonder how I can throw a Euripides? A Euripides could never save a woman. the you see how he loathes them in his plays? But he loved the parasites. At least he says: “As for the man who enjoys abundant means but does not at table support at least three persons, exacting no payment from them, a curse upon him, and may he never find safe return to his native land!” B. Where are these lines from, in the gods' name? A. What is that to you? It isn't the play, it is his thought that we are considering.' And in the revised edition of the same play, speaking of an angry parasite, Diphilus says:'A. He's angry? A parasite, and angry? B. Oh, no! not angry! He has polished the table with his gall, and will wean himself from milk as mothers wean their babies.' And further on: A.'Then, and not before, you shall eat, my parasite. B. See how he has insulted the profession. Don't you know that a parasite is assigned a place next to the harp-singer?' And in the play entitled The Parasite he says:'One must not be a parasite if one is very hard to please.'
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§ 6.52 [246b] " Menander, in Temperament, speaking of a friend who declined an invita to a wedding-supper, says:'There's a real comrade for you! He doesn't ask, as others do, “At what hour is dinner?” or “What's to hinder those who are here from dining?” — and then has his eye out for another dinner two days later, and still another three days after that, and again for a funeral feast later.' So also Alexis in Orestes, Nicostratus in Plutus, and Menander in The Carouse and in The Law-giver (have all told of the parasite). So Philonides in Buskins, thus:'As for me, hungry though I am, I will not stand such treatment.' [247a] Nouns similar to parasitos are the following: episitos,'victual-seeker,' which has been spoken of before; oikositos,'living on one's own means'; sitokouros,'bread-shearer'; autositos,'bringing his own food'; further, kakositos,'off one's feed'; and oligositos,'little-feeder.' The oikositos is mentioned by Anaxandrides in Hunters:'It is indeed pleasant to have a son who lives on his own means.' The expression is also applied to one who serves the community, not for pay, but at his own expense. Thus Antiphanes in The Scythian:'Indeed, soon we'll be having a member of the Assembly serving at his own expense.' Menander in The Ring:'A bridegroom living on his own means we have discovered, one who does not require of us a dowry.' And in The Harper:'The audience you get doesn't live on its own means.' “ Crates mentions'victual-seeker' in Deeds of Daring:'He cajoles the victual-seeker, but though shivering in the palace of Megabyzus, he will receive food as his pay.' [248a] Menander uses oikositos in a special sense in Ladies at Luncheon:'A clever scheme this, not to get a lot women together and entertain a crowd, but to range tup a wedding, as you have done, for those who eat at home.''Bread-shearer' is mentioned by Alexis in The Vigil, or Toilers:'You will be a bread-shearer loafing about.' Now Menander, in The Swashbuckler, uses bread-shearer of a good-for nothing who gets his living without any return, thus:'Always hesitant, always delaying, a bread-shearer confessedly getting his living at another's expense.' And in For Sale:'O you rascal, there you still stand by the front door with your bundle on the ground! A bread-shearer, miserable and good for nothing, we've taken into our house.''Bringing his own food' is a name applied by Crobylus in The Suicide:'A parasite bringing his own food! At any rate you support yourself in most things and are contributed by your master to his parties.''Off one's feed' is mentioned by Eubulus in Ganymede:' Sleep nourishes him when he is off his feed.' And Phrynichus mentions'little-feeder' in The Recluse:'And the little-feeder Heracles, what is he doing yonder?' Also Pherecrates or Strattis in The Nice People:'What a little-feeder you were, then! Why, you consume daily rations enough for a cruiser!'”
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§ 6.53 [249a] When Plutarch had finished this long account of parasites, Democritus took up the discussion and said: “But I too shall have something to tell about flatterers,'like plank glued firmly to plank,' as the Theban poet has it.'The flatterer, indeed, fares best of all,' the noble Menander once said, and the meaning of flatterer is not remote from that of parasite. Take Cleisophus, for instance. He is mentioned in all records as the flatterer of Philip, king of Macedon, and was a native of Athens, as Satyrus the Peripatetic declares in his Life of Philip. But Lynceus of Samos in his reminiscences calls him a parasite in these words:'When Cleisophus, Philip's parasite, was chided by Philip because he was always begging, he replied, ”It's because I don't want to be forgotten." Once Philip gave him a damaged horse, which he sold. And when, after a while, he was asked by the king where the horse was, he said, “It's been sold for damages.” And when Philip, amid loud applause, perpetrated a joke at his expense, he said, “After that, ought I not to be the one to keep you?”' [250a] Hegesander of Delphi narrates the following of Cleisophus in his Commentaries:'When Philip announced that letters had been brought to him from Cotys, king of Thrace, Cleisophus, who was present, exclaimed, “Good news, by the gods!” And when Philip asked him, “What do you know about what he has written?” he replied, “ Zeus the All-Highest is my witness, that's a neat rebuke.”'
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§ 6.54 Satyrus, in his Life of Philip, says that when Philip had his eye knocked out Cleisophus went along with him with his own eye bandaged in the same way. Again, when Philip was wounded in the leg, Cleisophus marched limping along with the king. And whenever Philip tasted any food that was bitter, Cleisophus also made a wry face as if he had eaten it too. In the country of the Arabs people used to do this sort of thing not by way of flattery, but through a polite convention. If a king was hurt in any of his limbs they acted out the pretence of having the same disability, since they think it absurd to take so much pains to be buried with him if he dies, but not to do him the favour of the same honour for his hurt if he is made lame. Nicolaus of Damascus (he was of the Peripatetic School ) in his bulky History (for there are one hundred and forty-four books) says, in the one hundred and sixteenth book, that Adiatomus, the king of the Sotiani, which is a Celtic tribe, had six hundred picked men as a body-guard, called by the Celts in their native tongue'siloduri'; this in Greek means'bound by a vow.''These men the kings keep to live and die with them, since that is the vow which the picked men make. In return for this they exercise power with him, wearing the same dress and having the same mode of life, and they are absolutely bound to die with him, whether the king dies of disease or in battle or in any other manner. And no one can tell of any case where one of these men played the coward or evaded death whenever it came to the king.'
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§ 6.55 [250b] Theopompus in the forty-fourth book of his Histories says that Philip established Thrasydaeus of Thessaly as tyrant over his compatriots; he was a man of small intelligence, but a very great flatterer. But Arcadion the Achaean was no fighter; an account of him is given by the same Theopompus and by Duris in the fifth book of his Macedonian History. This Arcadion detested Philip and went into voluntary exile from his native land. He was very talented, and several of his sayings are remembered. It happened, anyhow, that once when Philip was staying in Delphi Arcadion was also there; the Macedonian caught sight of him, and summoning him to his presence asked him,'How long, Arcadion, are you going to remain in exile?' And he replied,'Until I am come unto them who know not — Philip.' Phylarchus, in the twenty-first book of his Histories, says that Philip laughed at this retort, and inviting Arcadion to dinner so put an end to his hostility. [251a] Concerning Nicesias, Alexander's parasite, Hegesander records the following: When Alexander complained of being bitten by flies, and was energetic ally shooing them away, Nicesias, one of his parasites present, said,'Surely these flies have much the better of all other flies in having tasted your blood.' Hegesander also says that Cheirisophus, the parasite of Dionysius, seeing Dionysius laughing in company with some acquaintances, laughed too, although he was some distance away from them, so that he could not overhear. And when Dionysius asked him why he laughed when he could not overhear what they said, he replied,'I put my trust in you, that whatever was said was laughable.'
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§ 6.56 His son Dionysius also kept a large number of persons who flattered him, whom the people used to call'Dionysokolakes.' These persons pretended at dinner that they were near-sighted, since Dionysius did not have good eyesight; and they would feel for the viands set before them as if they could not see, until Dionysius guided their hands toward the dishes. When Dionysius spat, they would often present their faces to be spat upon, and as they licked the spittle, or even his vomit, they declared that it was sweeter than honey. Timaeus, in the twenty-second book of his Histories, tells about Democles, the parasite of Dionysius the Younger. He says that it was customary throughout Sicily to offer sacrifices to the Nymphs from house to house, spending the night in a drunken condition round their statues, and dancing round the goddesses. But Democles, disregarding the Nymphs, and declaring that men should not bother with lifeless divinities, went and danced round Dionysius. Some time later Democles went on an embassy with others, all being transported on board a trireme. He was accused by the others of stirring up sedition during the journey, and injuring Dionysius's negotiations involving the public interest. at this Dionysius became very angry, but Democles said that the quarrel between himself and his colleagues on the embassy had arisen because, after dinner, the latter, taking some of the sailors into their company, used to sing the paeans of Phrynichus and Stesichorus or again Pindar, whereas he himself, in company with volunteers, used to render the paeans composed by Dionysius. Moreover, he promised that he would make clear the proof of this; for the accusers could not even remember the number of his songs, while he was prepared to sing them all himself in their proper order. When the anger of Dionysius was thus allayed, Democles resumed:'You would do me a favour, Dionysius, if you would command someone who knows it to teach me the paean composed in honour of Asclepius; for I hear that you have been occupied with that.' Once, when some friends had been invited to dinner by Dionysius, Dionysius, as he entered the room, said,'Letters have been sent to us, my friends, from the officers who were dispatched to Naples.' Whereupon Democles broke in and said,'By the gods, Dionysius, that's good!' Dionysius looked at him and said,'How do you know that what they have written is satisfactory or the reverse?' And Democles replied,'By the gods, Dionysius, that's good — reproof.' Satyrus is another parasite of both Dionysiuses, mentioned by Timaeus in his writings.
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§ 6.57 [251b] Hegesander records that the tyrant Hieron was also rather near-sighted, and that the friends whom he had to dine with him purposely missed reaching their food in order that their hands might be guided by him, and he might appear to be more sharp-sighted than the rest of them. And Hegesander says that Eucleides, nicknamed the Beet (he, too, was a parasite), when somebody set before him several nettles at dinner, said,' Capaneus, who is brought on the scene by Euripides in The Suppliant Women, showed his polish in “loathing the man who gets nettled too much at the table.”'The popular leaders at Athens, in the time of the Chremonidean War, as Hegesander says, used to declare by way of flattering the Athenians that while all other things were common property of the Greeks, the road which led men to Heaven was known only to the Athenians. Satyrus in his Lives says that Anaxarchus, the philosopher of Eudaemonism, was one of Alexander's parasites. On one occasion when he was travelling with the king there came a violent clap of thunder so extraordinary that everybody cowered in fear, and he said,'Can it be that you, Alexander, the son of Zeus, did that?' Alexander laughed and said,'No, for I don't want to be so terrifying as you would have me, when you urge me to have the heads of satraps and kings brought to me when I am dining.' And Aristobulus of Cassandreia says that the Athenian pancratiast Dioxippus, when Alexander was wounded and his blood flowing, quoted the line,'Ichor, such as floweth in the blessed gods.'
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§ 6.58 [252a] Epicrates of Athens, according to Hegesander, when he went on the embassy to the Persian king, accepted many bribes from him, and never scrupled to flatter the king so openly and boldly that he would declare the Athenians ought to choose annually, not nine archons, but nine envoys to send to the king. I wonder, for my part, how the Athenians could have let him go without bringing him to trial, seeing that they fined Demades ten talents for proposing a decree naming Alexander a god, and actually put to death Timagoras because when ambassador to the Persian king he made obeisance to him. Timon of Phlious, in the third book of his Satires, says that Ariston of Chios, an acquaintance of Zeno of Citium, was a parasite of the philosopher Persaeus, because he was a close friend of King Antigonus. Phylarchus, in the sixth book of his Histories, says that Nicesias, the parasite of Alexander, seeing the king writhing with the effects of some medicine which he had taken, said,'O King, what are we to do, when even you gods suffer such agonies?' And Alexander scarcely looking up at him, answered,'Gods indeed! I'm afraid we are such as the gods hate.' In the twenty-eighth book the same Phylarchus says that Antigonus, called Epitropos (guardian), who conquered the Lacedemonians, had a parasite named Apollophanes, the one who said that Antigonus's luck was on the side of Alexander.
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§ 6.59 [252b] Euphantus in the fourth book of his Histories says that Ptolemy, the third of that name who ruled over Egypt, had a parasite named Callicrates, who was so clever that he carried a picture of Odysseus in his seal-ring, and even went so far as to give to his children the names Telegonus and Anticleia. Polybius, in the thirteenth book of the Histories, says that a parasite of Philip, the one who was disastrously defeated by the Romans, was Heracleides of Tarentum; he caused the overthrow of his entire kingdom. In the fourteenth book he mentions Philon, parasite of Agathocles, the son of Oinanthe, and intimate friend of King Philopator. Baton of Sinope, in his work On the Tyranny of Hieronymus, records a parasite of the Syracusan tyrant Hieronymus, Thrason surnamed the Biter. He says that he always drank a great deal of unmixed wine. Another parasite named Sosis caused Thrason to be murdered by Hieronymus; he also persuaded Hieronymus himself to assume the crown and the purple and all the other frippery which the tyrant Dionysius had worn. Agatharchides, in the thirtieth book of his Histories, says of the Spartan Haeresippus that he was no ordinary rascal, not even pretending to be decent, and yet in his parasitism he possessed a persuasive eloquence, and was clever at currying favour with the rich so long as their luck lasted. Such also was Heracles of Maroneia, the parasite of the Thracian king Seuthes, mentioned by Xenophon in the seventh book of the Anabasis.
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§ 6.60 Theopompus, in the eighteenth book of his Histories, speaking of Nicostratus of Argos and how he played the flatterer to the Persian king, among other things writes this:'Why should we not regard Nicostratus of Argos as a rascal? Why! Although he was the chief man in the Argive state, and although he had inherited from his forebears good birth and money and a large estate, yet in flattery and obsequious behaviour he surpassed all the men who joined with him in the expedition at that time, and all other men before him as well. For in the first place he prized so highly the favour of the Persian that in his desire to please him and to enjoy more of his confidence he took his son up to the king's court — a thing which, it can be shown, nobody else ever did. Then, secondly, every day, as often as he began dinner, he would set a special table, naming it for the genius of the king, heaping it with food and all other necessaries, since he heard that this is what the Persians did who spent their time at court, and because he thought that by this obsequiousness he should gain more material rewards from the king; for he was avaricious, and a slave to wealth to a degree such as no one else known to me ever was.' As for King Attalus, he had a parasite and teacher in Lysimachus, whom Callimachus records as a pupil Theodorus, but Hermippus includes him among the disciples of Theophrastus. This man has compiled books on the education of Attalus which display every kind of flattery. Polybius, in the eighth book of the Histories, says that Cavarus, the Gaul, though he had been a good man, was perverted by the parasite Sostratus, who was a native of Chalcedon.
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§ 6.61 [253a] Nicolaus, in the 114th book, says that Andromachus of Carrhae was a parasite of Licinius Crassus, who made the partisan against the Parthians; Crassus shared all his counsels with him, but was betrayed to the Parthians by him and destroyed. But Andromachus was not allowed exemption from the punishment of Heaven. For having received as a reward for his treasonable act the supreme rule over his native city of Carrhae, through his cruelty and violence he and his entire household were destroyed by fire at the hands of Carrhenians. Poseidonius of Apameia, but later known as a Rhodian, says in the fourth book of his Histories that Hierax of Antioch, who had earlier played flute-accompaniments for women who impersonate men, later became an accomplished parasite of Ptolemy the seventh king, who also bore the name Euergetes, and that he enjoyed the greatest influence with him, as he also did with Ptolemy Philometor, though he was afterwards killed by him. And Nicolaus the Peripatetic records a parasite of Mithridates named Sosipater, who was a juggler. Theopompus, in ninth book of the Hellenica, says that Athenaeus of Eretria was a parasite and henchman of Sisyphus of Pharsalus.
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§ 6.62 [253b] Even the Athenian populace became notorious for flattery. Demochares, at any rate, a relative of the orator Demosthenes, tells a story in the twentieth book of his Histories of the flattering conduct of the Athenians toward Demetrius Poliorcetes, and says that it was not to his liking. He writes as follows:'Some of these things, it is plain, annoyed him, but other acts were downright disgraceful and humiliating, such as sanctuaries of Aphrodite Leaena and Aphrodite Lamia, also altars, hero-shrines, and libations to Burichus, Adeimantus, and Oxythemis, his parasites. To every one of these, paeans were chanted, so that even Demetrius himself was amazed at these actions, and declared that not a single Athenian of his time had shown himself great and fine in soul.' The Thebans also, in their adulation of Demetrius, founded a temple of Aphrodite Lamia, as Polemon says in his work On the Painted Stoa in Sikyon. Lamia was a mistress of Demetrius, as was also Leaena. What is there, then, surprising in what that Athenians, flatterers of flatterers, did in composing paeans and processionals in honour of Demetrius himself? Says Demochares, at any rate, writing in the twenty-first book:'When Demetrius returned from Leucas and Corcyra to Athens, not only did the Athenians welcome him with offerings of incense and crowns and libations, but processional choruses also, and mummers with the elevated phallus met him with dancing and song; and as they took their places in the crowds they sang and danced, repeating the refrain that he was the only true god, while all the others were asleep or making a journey or non-existent; he, however, was sprung from Poseidon and Aphrodite, pre-eminent in beauty and embracing all in his benevolence. They supplicated him with entreaty, Demochares says, and offered prayers to him.'
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§ 6.63 This is the amazing account of Athenian flattery which Demochares has given. And Duris of Samos cites the mummers' song itself in the twenty-second book of his Histories:...'For the highest and dearest of the gods are come to our city. Hither, indeed, the time hath brought together Demeter and Demetrius. She comes to celebrate the solemn mysteries of Kore, but he, as is meet for the god, is here in gladness, fair and smiling. Something august he seemeth, all his friends about him, and he himself in their midst, his friends the stars, even as he is the sun. O son of the most mighty god Poseidon and of Aphrodite, hail! For other gods are either far away, or have not ears, or are not, or heed us not at all; but thee we can see in very presence, not in wood and not in stone, but in truth. And so we pray to thee. First bring peace, thou very dear! For thou hast the power. That Sphinx which crushes, not Thebes but all Hellas — the Aitolian who sits upon the cliff, even as the Sphinx of old, and snatches up and carries off all our men — against it I cannot fight. For it is the Aitolian way to carry off the things more distant. Best were it that thou thyself punish him; but if not, find some Oidipus who shall either send him hurtling down, or turn him to rock.'
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§ 6.64 [254a] This was the song sung by the Victors of Marathon, not merely in public, but even in their homes — those men who had put to death the man who did obeisance to the Persian king, the heroes who had slaughtered countless myriads of the barbarians! Alexis, at any rate, in The Apothecary, or Crateias, brings on the scene a character drinking the health of one of his companions in the symposium, and represents him as saying the following:'Slave! hand me the large beaker, first ladling into it four measures for my companions here, in friendship's name; three will I give as an offering due to the Saviour gods, one for King Antigonus's victory — happy omen! — and a measure for the sturdy lad Demetrius..... Bring the third for Aphrodite Phila. Hail, ye comrades of the symposium, how full of blessings is the cup that I shall drink!'
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§ 6.65 [254b] Such were the people the Athenians had become at that time, when flattery, like a ravening beast, had injected its madness into the city; that city which the Pythian god had proclaimed as the hearthstone of Hellas, the town-hall of Hellas. Theopompus, who was most inimical to it, has declared in another passage that Athens was full of Dionysus -flatterers, sailors, footpads, also perjurers and informers and endorsers of false warrants. These, I believe, all the adulation before described brought in, like a deluge or some dreadful visitation from a god. Concerning this city Diogenes was right in saying that it had far better go to the vultures rather than to the flatterers, for the latter devour good men while they are still alive. Anaxilas, at any rate, also testifies in...;'Flatterers are worms in rich men's property. Each worm bores his way into a man of simple character, and lodged there, eats him until he makes him as empty as a wheat-stalk. After that the rich man is a mere husk, while the flatterer bites another.' And so Plato says in the Phaedrus:'In the flatterer is a dreadful creature and a great nuisance; yet nature has none the less added a mixture of entertainment not wholly unrefined.' And Theophrastus, in the essay On Flattery, says that Myrtis of Argos, when Cleonymus the dancer and also parasite persisted often in seating himself beside Myrtis and his fellow-judges, being desirous of being seen in company with the distinguished men of the city, caught him by the ear, and as he dragged him out of the judgement-hall in full sight of the crowd, said,'You shall not dance here, and you shall not hear our deliberations either.' Diphilus says in Marriage:'For the parasite upsets the general, the potentate, one's friends, and our cities with his malicious tongue, though he may have delighted them for a little while. But the fact is that today an evil condition has made its insidious way into the mob; our judgements are awry, and anything to please is the rule.' For this reason the Thessalians were quite right in demolishing the town called Kolakeia (Flattery) inhabited by the Malians, as Theopompus says in the thirtieth book.
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§ 6.66 [255a] Flatterers, again, were the Athenians who settled in Lemnos, as Phylarchus declares in the thirteenth book of his Histories. For by way of showing their gratitude to the descendants of Seleucus and Antiochus, after Seleucus had rescued them from the bitter tyranny of Lysimachus and had also restored to them both of their cities, the Athenians of Lemnos erected temples, not merely to Seleucus, but also to his son Antiochus; and the added measure of wine poured out in their social gatherings they name for' Seleucus the Saviour.' This'flattery' certain persons, you a perverse use of the term, call'willingness to oblige.' So also Anaxandrides in The Lady from Samos:'For this business of flattering now goes by the name of being obliging. But the persons who engage in flattery are not aware that this profession is short-lived. Alexis, at any rate, says in The Deceiver:'A flatterer's life blooms only a little while; for nobody delights in a parasite whose temples are grey.' Clearchus of Soli says, in the first book of his Love Stories:'No flatterer last long when it comes to affection. For time undermines the falsehood which lies in their presence. And the lover is a flatterer seeking affection through youthful charm or beauty.' Among the flatterers, then, of King Demetrius, those associated with Adeimantus of Lampsacus erected a temple and set up statues at Thria, naming them from Aphrodite Phila; they also called the place Philaion after Phila, the wife of Demetrius, as Dionysius the son of Tryphon says in the tenth book of his Onomasticon.
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§ 6.67 [256a] Again, Clearchus of Soli, in the work entitled Gergithius, explains how it came about that the name of flatterer originated. He begins by representing Gergithius himself, from whom the book has its title, as having been one of Alexander's parasites. And then he goes on to explain that flattery renders base the characters of flatterers, necessary their associates look on them with contempt. And the proof is that flatterers will submit to anything, though well aware of the nature of the acts which people dare to perpetrate against them. Further, those who listen to flattery become inflated with it, and that makes them frivolous and conceited, and causes them to entertain an exaggerated opinion of their own endowments. Well, Clearchus goes on to tell about a lad who was a native of Paphos and a prince in rank.'This lad,' he says, not mentioning his name,'used to indulge in overweening luxury, lying at full length on a silver-footed couch spread with a smooth carpet of the most expensive kinds produced in Sardis. Over him was laid a purple robe with heavy nap on both sides, encased in a covering made of mallow fibres. Under his head he had three cushions of fine linen edged with purple, by means of which he avoided the heat; at his feet he had two crimson cushions of the kind called Doric; on these he lay at full length dressed in a white shirt.
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§ 6.68 All the rulers in Cyprus have accepted the custom of having about them the class of “aristocratic parasites” as an institution useful to them. For to possess them is very much in the manner of despots. Of these parasites, like some Areopagites, no one knows the number or how they look, excepting the most conspicuous. The parasites in Salamis, from whom are derived all the others in Cyprus, are divided into classes according to family, and are called in the one case Gergini, in the other Promalanges. Of these two classes the Gergini mingle with the people in their city, in their workshops or in the markets, and listen like spies to what they say, and they make daily reports of what they hear to the bosses, as they are called. The Promalanges in turn make scrutiny, if anything reported by the Gergini appears to deserve scrutiny, being a kind of investigators. And the intercourse of these persons with all others is so skilful and plausible, that I am convinced, as they themselves declare, that the seed of those “aristocratic parasites” has been from them deported in foreign parts; what is more, they take no ordinary pride in the profession, merely because they enjoy honours at the hands of the kings, but they also say that one of the Gergini was a descendant of those Trojans whom Teucer received as his share of the captives and with whom he colonized Cyprus; and that he, sailing with a few men along the coast in the direction of Aeolis, in order to close and settle in the land of their forefathers, founded a city in the region of the Trojan Ida, taking along some of the Mysians with them; this city was in old times called Gergina after their race, but today is called Gergitha. Some members of that expedition, it appears, were separated from it and settled in Cumae, since the inhabitants there are of Cyprian race; they did not come from the Thessalian Tricca, as some aver whose ignorance, I fancy, it is not given even to the sons of Asclepius to cure.
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§ 6.69 There have also been in our part of the world, in the days of Glus the Carian, women called Kolakides, subject to female despots. A remnant of these crossed over to the mainland, being summoned to come to the wives of Artabazus and of Mentor, and had their names changed to “Ladder-lasses” from the following practice: in their desire to please the women who summoned them, they made ladders of themselves so that the women riding in carts could mount or dismount on their backs. To that pitch of luxury, not to call it abjectness, did they by their devices bring these very stupid women. Therefore they, borne by the turn of fate out of their luxurious circumstances, lived lives of hard necessity in their old age; while other women, of those who have taken over these manners that were in vogue in our country, were brought to Macedonia after they had fallen from their high estate, and it is not even decent to say how they affected by their intercourse the princesses and other women of rank in Macedonia; this much may be said, that by the reciprocal practice of their magic enchantments they became veritable “ bull -chasers” and street-walkers, replete with every abomination. Thus flattery is the cause of many terrible evils to those who complacently allow it for the pleasure of being flattered.'
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§ 6.70 [256b] Proceeding, Clearchus again has this to say:'But by this time one could find fault with the lad whom I have mentioned for his indulgence in these blandishments. For his slaves stood at a little distance from his couch, clad in short tunics; and there were three men, who are in fact the occasion of this entire discussion, and who have given rise to certain names which we use. One was seated at the foot of the couch, with the legs of the lad in his lap wrapped in a thin cloth; what he was doing is of course plain even without the telling. He is called by the natives “Stuffed in,” because even when they do not invite him he none the less manages most skilfully you his flattery to force himself into their parties. The second man was on a stool which lay right by the couch, and while the young man let his hand drop he clung to it, and as he embraced it he separated the fingers and stroked each of them in turn, pulling and stretching them out; the man, therefore, who first gave him the name of “Cucumber” appears to have spoken aptly. The third man, the noblest of all, was the “Beast,” who was the chief actor in this degrading service. He stood next to the lad's head and shared in his cushions of fine linen, bending over into them very affectionately. With his left hand he added ornaments to the boy's locks, while with his right he ingratiated himself by moving back and forth and raising up and down a Phocaean fan, at the same time keeping off the flies! Wherefore, in my opinion, some god of decency got angry at him, and sent a fly against the lad — no other than that fly whose boldness, as Homer says, Athena inspired in Menelaus; so lusty it was and fearless of soul. Well, when the lad was stung the fellow cried out so loudly and became so angry in his behalf that for hatred of the one fly he proceeded to drive all the flies outdoors. Whence it became clear that he had posted himself for that duty.'
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§ 6.71 [257a] Leucon, however, the tyrant of Pontus, was not of that sort; for when he observed that many of his friends had been robbed by one of the parasites at his court, and seeing at a glance that the fellow was falsely accusing one of his other friends, he said,'By the gods, I should have killed you if a tyrant's government did not need rascals.' The comic poet Antiphanes, in The Soldier, has similar things to say about the luxury of the Cyprian kings. He represents a character inquiring thus of a soldier:'A. Tell me, you say that you stayed a long time in Cyprus? B. All the time the war lasted. A. In what place were you most? Tell me. B. In Paphos, where there was a practice extraordinarily luxurious to behold, and incredible besides. A. What was it? B. The king, when he dined, was fanned by pigeons, ay, by nothing else. A. How could that be? I will let other questions go and ask you that. B. How, you ask? He would smear himself with Syrian perfume made of the kind of fruit which, they say, pigeons eat greedily. Attracted by the smell of this they came flying, ready to perch on his head; but slaves who sat by shooed them off. They would rise a little, not much — neither wholly this way nor yonder, as the saying is — and so would fan him in such a way that they made a breeze for him which was moderate and not too rough.'
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§ 6.72 [257b]'The parasite of the lad mentioned above,' as Clearchus says,'must have been a voluptuous parasite [μαλακοκόλαξ]. But there are other names for him; for, in addition to playing the flatterer as described, he obsequiously imitates the posture of those whom he flatters, now crossing his arms, now wrapping himself closely in his ragged cloak. Whence some call him “arm-crosser,” others, “posture-magazine.” In fact, the parasite, in one and the same person, is the very image of Proteus. At any rate, he assumes every kind of shape and of speech as well, so varied are his tones. The physician Androcydes used to say that flattery gets its name from the way in which the flatterer (kolax) glues himself (kollasthai) to the company; but I think that it comes from the easy good-nature (eukolia), that is to say, dexterity, with which he submits to any treatment, being the sort of person who takes on his own shoulders the burden of another's character, never restive under anything, no matter how degrading.' And so one would not go wrong if he called the manner of that Cyprian lad's life soft. There are many instructors in it at Athens, as Alexis in The Fire-lighter declares in these words:'I wanted to get a taste of that other mode of life which is popularly called soft. After strolling about the Cerameicus for three days, I discovered instructors in the life I mean, perhaps thirty in a single shop.' And Crobylus, in The Woman who left her Husband:'Once more the softness of your mode of life has troubled me; for today some people call prodigality softness.'
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§ 6.73 [258a] Antiphanes, in The Lemnian Women, assumes the existence of the flatterer's profession where he says:'And so, is there, or can there be, a profession or other source of profit pleasanter than the gentle practice of flattery? Your painter works on something and only vexes himself. Your farmer... (And see) in what dangers (the soldier), again, must be involved. They are all beset with care and trouble. But our lives are lived amid mirth and luxury; our hardest job is child's-play — loud laughter, a joke at somebody's expense, a deep draught of wine — is it not pleasant? In my eyes it is second only to being rich.' Menander has drawn the character of a flatterer with the utmost possible skill in the play which bears that name, any as Diphilus has drawn the parasite in Telesias. And Alexis, representing a flatterer as uttering similar sentiments totos above, says in The falsifier:'Happy am I, so help me Olympian Zeus and Athena, because at the wedding, gentlemen, I shall not feast, but burst, if Heaven so please. May it be my luck to get that mode of death.' It seems to me, dear friends, that this doughty glutton would not have hesitated to repeat the line from the tragedian Ion's Omphale:''Tis mine to celebrate the holiday for the whole year.'
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§ 6.74 [258b] Hippias of Erythrae, in the second book of his Inquiries (concerning his native country), relating how the monarchy of Cnopus was destroyed by his flatterers, says this also:'As Cnopus was consulting an oracle about his personal safety, the god told him to offer sacrifices to Hermes Dolius (the Crafty). After this he set out for Delphi, accompanied on the voyage by those who wanted to destroy his monarchy in order to establish an oligarchy. These men were Ortyges, Irus, and Echarus, who bore the title Fawning Dogs, i.e. Flatterers, because of the attentions they bestowed on eminent persons. When, I say, they were at a great distance from the land on their voyage, they tied up Cnopus hand and foot and threw him into the sea; and landing at Chios, where they obtained forces from the tyrants there, Amphiclus and Polytecnus, they sailed by night to Erythrae. About the same time the body of Cnopus was cast up on the beach of Erythrae which today is called Leopodum. While the wife of Cnopus, Cleonice, was engaged in the mourning-rites for the body (it was a holiday, and an assemblage had gathered in honour of Artemis Strophaea), the sound of a troop was suddenly heard; the town had been seized by the partisans of Ortyges and many of Cnopus's friends were killed; Cleonice, learning this, fled to Colophon.
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§ 6.75 Ortyges and the other usurpers, having at their disposal the forces from Chios, destroyed those who opposed their interest, and after abolishing the city's laws they managed the city's affairs, allowing none of the populace to come inside the walls. On the contrary, they set up a court and tried cases outside the gates, wrapped in purple cloaks and dressed in tunics with purple borders. They also shod their feet in summer with sandals of many lacings, while in winter they always made a practice of walking about in feminine footgear; they affected long hair and took pains to have it curly; their heads were distinguished by yellow and purple fillets; they also wore solid gold jewelry, like women. Further, they compelled the citizens to serve them in some cases as their stool-bearers, in others as wand-bearers; others still they compelled to clean the streets thoroughly. They summoned the sons of some to their joint gatherings, others they commanded to bring their own wives and daughters; and they visited with extreme penalties those who disobeyed. If any member of their clique died, they would collect the citizens with their wives and children and compel them to sing dirges for the dead, to beat their breasts under compulsion, and to cry shrilly and loudly with their voices, while a lash-bearer who forced them to do this stood over them. this went on until Hippotes, the brother of Cnopus, came upon Erythrae with an armed force during a festival, and reinforced by the Erythraeans attacked the tyrants; and a for putting to the torture many of their partisans, they stabbed Ortyges to death while he was attempting to escape, but their wives and children they tortured terribly, and so set free their native land.'
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§ 6.76 [259a] In the light of all these facts, therefore, it is easy for us, friends, to see how great are the evils in life caused by flattery. Theopompus also testifies to this in the ninth book of his Philippica. He says:' Agathocles had been a slave, one of the Thessalian penestae. He enjoyed great power with Philip on account of his flattery and because, when he was with him at drinking-bouts, he danced and caused mirth. Philip dispatched him to destroy the Perrhaebi and to take charge of affairs in that quarter. For the Macedonian always had that kind of men about him, in whose company he usually spent the greater part of his time because of their love of drinking and their vulgarity, and with them he used to hold deliberations on the most important matters.' Concerning him Hegesander of Delphi relates also this, that he used to send a large quantity of small coin to the wits assembled in the precinct of Diomean Heracles in Athens, and would order certain persons to write down what they said and report it to him. Theopompus, again, in the twenty-sixth book of the Histories, says that' Philip, knowing that the Thessalians were licentious and wanton in their mode of life, got up parties them and tried to amuse them in every way, dancing and rioting and submitting to every kind of licentiousness; he was himself naturally vulgar, getting drunk every day and delighting in those pursuits which tended in that direction and in those men, the so called gallants, who said and did laughable things. And so he won most Thessalians who consorted with him by parties rather than by presents.' The Siceliot Dionysius behaved similarly, as the comic poet Eubulus represents him in the play bearing the same name as the tyrant:'Yet, toward the dignified and toward all flatterers he is rather stern, but toward those who jest at his expense he is good-tempered; and so thinks that only these are free men, even if they be slaves.'
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§ 6.77 [296b] Nevertheless Dionysius was not the only one who patronized those who wasted their property in drunken revels and gambling and similar licence, but Philip did it as well. Theopompus gives an account of both, writing as follows in the forty-ninth book:' Philip spurned those who were of decent character and who were careful of their property, but he honoured with praise the extravagant and those who spent their lives in dicing and drinking. Therefore he took pains that they should have these amusements, and even made them competitors in every kind of wickedness and disgusting conduct. For what scandalous or appalling act was not in their programme? Or what honourable and upright act was not missing? Did they not in some cases, grown men though they were, go shaved and depilated, in other cases even go so far as to consort infamously with each other, though they were bearded In fact each had in his train two or three prostitute companions, and they themselves granted to others the same favours. Hence one may rightly assume that they were not companions, but'mistresses,' and might rightly call them not soldiers, but harlots; for they were man-killers by nature, man-harlots by habit. In addition, they loved drunkenness instead of soberness, they were eager to plunder and murder instead of living decent lives. Truth-telling and keeping promises they regarded as no part of their duty, whereas they readily assumed the odium of perjury and cheating in the most august sanctuary. Careless of what they had, they itched for what they had not, though they owned a whole section of Europe. For I believe that though these companions numbered at that time not more than eight hundred, yet they enjoyed the profits of as much land as any ten thousand Greeks possessing the richest and most extensive territory.' And with reference to Dionysius, Theopompus fights a similar account in the twenty-first book:' Dionysius, the tyrant of Sicily, patronized those who wasted their property in drunken revels and gambling and similar licence; for he wanted all to be utterly abandoned and degenerate, and these he treated well.'
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§ 6.78 [260b] Demetrius Poliorcetes was also fond of merry-making, as Phylarchus relates in the tenth book of his Histories. And in the fourteenth he writes as follows:' Demetrius used to allow those who wanted to flatter him at drinking-bouts even to drink to him as sole king, whereas to Ptolemy they drank as commander of the fleet, to Lysimachus as custodian of the treasury, and to Seleucus as master of the elephants. And this drew upon him no little hatred.' Herodotus says that Amasis, king of Egypt, was playful and jested at his bon-companions, and even, he says,'when he was a private citizen, he was a drink-lover and a joke-lover, and not a man of serious purpose.' And Nicolaus, in the one hundred and seventh book of the Histories, says that the Roman commander Sulla took such delight in mimes and clowns, being very fond of merry-making, that he lavished many acres of public lands upon them. The satirical comedies written by him in his native tongue reveal his delight in these things.
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§ 6.79 [261a] Theophrastus, in his work On Comedy, says that the people of Tiryns were so mirth-loving that they were useless in more serious business, and so they had recourse to the oracle at Delphi, desiring to be rid of that disability. The god gave answer to them that they should be freed if they sacrificed a bull to Poseidon by casting it into the sea without a smile. Fearing that they might fail to realize the promise of the oracle, they forbade the children to attend the sacrifice. but one boy learned what was going on, and mingling with the crowd he cried out just as they were shouting and trying to drive him away,'What's the matter with you? Are you afraid that I shall upset your victim?' They burst into laughter at this, and so learned in fact that the god meant to show them that an inveterate habit is desperately hard to cure. Sosicrates, in the first book of his Cretan History, says that the people of Phaestus enjoy a peculiar distinction. For it is known that they cultivate the habit of saying laughable things from their earliest boyhood; hence it has come to pass that they often say aptly witty things because of their early habit. And so all the inhabitants of Crete ascribe mirth to them.
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§ 6.80 [262a] A station next to flattery is given to bragging by the comic poet Anaxandrides in The Drug-Prophet when he says:'Do you find fault because I am a braggart? But why? That art, surely, can beat all the other arts by a long distance, next to flattery; this, to be sure is superior.' A'crumb-flatterer' is mentioned by Aristophanes in Gerytades thus:'You used to be called a slanderer and a crumb-flatterer.' Also by Sannyrion in Io:'To perdition with you, you sneaking crumb-flatterers!' Philemon in She who renewed her Youth:'This fellow is a crumb-flatterer.' And Philippides in The Fountain of Youth:'Always crumb-flattering and sneaking in.' This is the proper use of the word kolax ('flatterer'); for kolon means food, whence come the boukolos (' cow -feeder') and also the dyskolos ('peevish man'), since the latter is hard to please and squeamish; further koilia ('hollow,''belly') is the receptacle for food. The word'crumb-cuffed' is used by Diphilus in Theseus thus:'You they call a crumb-cuffed runaway.'"
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§ 6.81 [263a] When Democritus had concluded this exposition and had demand a drink in the “gurgler of Saurias,” Ulpian asked, “and who is this Saurias?” and was on the point of detailing much interminable information when there appeared beside us a crowd of servants bringing in the things to eat. Once more Democritus, continuing his talk, spoke up, his subject being servants. “I, dear friends, have always wondered to see how abstemious slaves are as a class, considering that they move among so many tempting dainties. They treat them lightly, not merely through fear but also through training, though not the training described in Pherecrates's Slave-teacher, but rather acquired by habit. Nor is it because of an express prohibition, as on the island of Cos at the festival of Hera; for Macareus, in the third book of his Coan History, says that whenever the people of Cos sacrifice to Hera a slave may neither enter the temple nor taste any of the food that is provided. So Antiphanes says in Hard to Sell:'(It is our fate) to see things lying spilt before us — half-eaten milk-cakes and bits of chicken which, though left over, no slave may touch, as the women tell us.' And Epicrates, in Hard to Sell, makes a slave indignantly say:'What is more hateful than to be summoned with Slave, Slave! to where they are drinking; to serve, moreover, some beardless stripling or fetch him the chamber-pot, and to see things lying spilt before us — half-eaten milk-cakes and bits of chicken which, though left over, no slave may touch, as the women tell us. But what makes us rage is to have them call anyone of us who eats any of these things an impudent glutton!' From a comparison of these iambics it is plain that Epicrates borrowed the lines from Antiphanes.
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§ 6.82 [263b] Dieuchidas in his Megarian History says that (in the islands) called Araeae, which lie between the territory of Cnidus and Syme, a quarrel arose among the companions of Triopas after his death, and some withdrew to Dotium.... Some, remaining with Phorbas, went to Ialysus, while others under Periergus landed in the territory of Camirus. It is said that on that occasion Periergus cursed Phorbas, and for that reason the islands are called Araeae. But Phorbas was shipwrecked, and he and Parthenia, the sister of Phorbas and Periergus, swam across to Ialysus, near the place called Schedia. There they were met by Thamneus, who happened to be hunting in Schedia, and he invited them to come home for entertainment, dispatching a slave to tell his wife to get food ready, since he was bringing guests. But when he arrived home and found that nothing had been prepared, he placed the grain on the mill himself, and having performed all other duties proper to the occasion, he entertained them. Phorbas was so delighted with this hospitality that when he was dying he solemnly commanded his friends that they should perform the funeral rites in his honour only with freemen; and so this custom remained in the case of the festival of Phorbas. For only freemen are the servitors, and it is unholy for a slave to come near.
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§ 6.83 And since this is one of Ulpian's questions, I mean that having to do with servants, let us also, I pray you, consider and recite something of what we, as it happens, read about them long ago. Well, Pherecrates says in The Savages:'In those days nobody had a slave, a Manes or a Sekis, but the women had to toil by themselves over all the housework. And what is more, they would grind the corn at early dawn, so that the village rang with the touch of the handmills.' And Anaxandrides in Anchises says;'Slaves, my good sir, have no citizenship anywhere, yet Fortune shifts their bodies in all kinds of ways. Today there are many men who are not free, but tomorrow they will be registered at Sounion, and on the day after they have full admittance to the Agora. A divinity guides each man's helm.'
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§ 6.84 [264a] Poseidonius (he of the Stoa ) says, in the eleventh book of his Histories:'Many persons being unable to manage themselves on account of the weakness of their intellect, give themselves voluntarily to the service of more intelligent men, in order that they may secure from them provision for their daily needs, and in turn may themselves render to their patrons, through their own labours, whatever they are capable of in the way of service. And so in this manner the Mariandynians put themselves in subjection to the Heracleots, promising to serve them continually so long as the Heracleots provided for their needs, though they stipulated in addition that there should be no selling of any of them beyond the Heracleot territory, but that they should stay right in their own territory.' Perhaps, therefore, it is for that reason that the epic poet Euphorion calls the Mariandynians tribute-bearers:'Tribute-bearers shall they be called, secretly dreading their masters.' And Callistratus also, the disciple of Aristophanes, says that they called the Mariandynians tribute-bearers to take away the sting in the term slave, as the Spartiates did in the case of the Helots, the Thessalians in the case of the Penestae, the Cretans in the case of the Clarotae. But Cretans call their urban slaves'money-bought,' their rural slaves'amphamiots,' since these are natives, though enslaved by war. The Clarotae are so called because they are allotted. Ephorus, in the third book of the Histories, says:' Cretans call their slaves Clarotae from the lot which is cast for them. For these certain festivals are regularly held in the district of Cydon, during which no free persons enter the city, but the slaves are masters of everything and have power to flog the freemen.' Sosicrates, in the second book of his Cretan History, says that'the Cretans call their public slaves mnoia, their private slaves aphamiotae, their subject population perioeci.' Osiadas records the like also in the fourth book of his Cretan History.
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§ 6.85 Thessalians call by the name of penestae those who are not slaves from birth, but taken prisoners in war; and the comic poet Theopompus stretches the meaning of the word when he says:'The wrinkled councillors of Master Poorman.' Philocrates, in the second book of the Thessalica (if this composition is genuine), says that the penestae are also called Thessaly -slaves. Archemachus, in the third book of the Euboica, says that'of the Boeotians who settled the country round Arne, those who did not depart into Boeotia but came to love their new country, gave themselves up as slaves to the Thessalians according to a stipulation by which the latter were neither to carry them out of the country nor put them to death, while they themselves were to till the land for the Thessalians and render them the contributions due. These persons, therefore, who stayed behind according to this agreement and surrendered themselves were originally called menestae (”stayers"), though today they are called penestae. And many of them are better off than their masters.' Euripides, to cite him also, calls them latreis('servants') in Phrixus, thus:'Servant-toiler of my ancient home.'
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§ 6.86 [246b] Timaeus of Tauromenium, in the ninth book of the Histories, says that it was not customary in ancient times for the Greeks to be served by purchased slaves. He writes as follows:'People accused Aristotle of having been mistaken about all customs of the Locrians. In particular, it was not customary for the Locrians, any more than for the Phocians, even to possess maidservants or male slaves except on a guarantee for the agreed periods. On the contrary, the wife of Philomelus, who took Delphi, was the first woman to be attended by two maidservants. Similarly Mnason, the friend of Aristotle, who had acquired a thousand slaves, became obnoxious to the Phocians because he had deprived so many citizens of the necessary means of sustenance; for, it is said, it was customary in domestic matters for the younger members of the family to serve their elders.'
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§ 6.87 [265a] Plato, in the sixth book of the Laws, says:'But the question of slaves is difficult in every way. Of all Greek forms of slavery, the Helot system of Sparta is perhaps the one which might arouse most doubt and dispute, some maintaining that it is good, others that it is not. Less dispute might arise in the case of the Heracleot system of enslaving the Mariandynians, and again in the case of the penestae class among the Thessalians. Looking at these and all other systems, what are we to do in the matter of slave property? For there is nothing sound in a slave's soul, and no one in possession of his sense ought to trust them in anything. The wisest of poets says: “Far-seeing Zeus takes away half the understanding of men whom the day of slavery deposes.” Difficult, then, is this form of property, as has often been demonstrated in fact by the many insurrections of the Messenians, and the great evils which occur in states possessing many slaves who speak the same language, and again the manifold deeds of robbery and sufferings and Italy, inflicted by the Rovers, as they are called. With an eye to all this, one might be puzzled to know what to do in the case of all such people. Two courses are left open — those who are to be slaves must not come from the same country, nor, so far as possible, speak the same language; secondly, we must treat them properly, not merely for their sakes, but even more out of respect for ourselves, and so never do violence to them. one must punish one's slaves according to their deserts, not admonishing them as one would freemen and so making them conceited; practically every address to a slave should be a command, and one should on no account joke with them in any way, whether be females or males. This is the kind of conduct toward slaves which many persons adopt, thus very foolishly, by making them conceited, rendering life more difficult for them in serving, and for their masters in ruling.'
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§ 6.88 [265b] The first Greeks, so far as I know, who made use of purchased slaves were the Chians. This is recorded by Theopompus in the seventeenth book of his Histories:'The Chians were the first Greeks, after the Thessalians and Lacedemonians, to use slaves, but they did not acquire them in the same way. For the Lacedemonians and Thessalians, as will be seen, constituted their slave-class out of the Greeks who had earlier inhabited the territories which they themselves possess today, the Lacedemonians taking the land of the Achaeans, the Thessalians, that of the Perrhaebians and Magnesians. The people reduced to slavery were in the first instance called helots, in the second penestae. But the slaves whom the Chians own are derived from non-Greek peoples, and they pay a price for them.' This, then, is the account given by Theopompus. But I believe that the Deity became wroth at the Chians for this practice, since, at a later time, they were disastrously involved in war on account of their slaves. Nymphodorus of Syracuse, at any rate, records the following narrative about them in his Voyage in Asia:'The slaves of the Chians ran away from them, and gathering in great numbers started for the mountains (since the island is rough and wooded), inflicting injury on the country-houses of their masters. A little before our time, a certain slave, as the Chians themselves tell the story, ran away and made his abode in the mountains. Being a brave man and successful in warfare, he led the fugitive slaves as a king leads an army. The Chians often sent expeditions to attack him, but were quite unable to effect anything. When Drimacus (for that was the fugitive's name) saw that they were throwing their lives away without result, he said to them: “ Chians and masters! The trouble you are in because of your slaves will never stop. Why should it, when it happens according to an oracle given by the god? If, however, you will make a treaty with me and let us alone in peace and quiet, I will initiate many blessings for you.”
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§ 6.89 So the Chians made a treaty and an armistice with him for a certain period, and he devised measures, weights, and a special seal. Showing the seal to the Chians he said: “Whatever I take from any one of you, I will take according to these measures and weights, and after taking what I require I will seal up your storehouses with this seal and leave them unharmed. Those of your slaves who run away I will examine to find out the reason, and if in my judgement entreaty have run away because they have suffered something irreparable, I will keep them with me, but if they can urge no justification, I will send them back to their masters.” The other slaves, therefore, seeing that the Chians willingly accepted this condition, were much less inclined to run away, because they dreaded the trial before him; while the runaways in his band feared him far more than their own masters, and did everything that he required, obeying him as they would a military officer. For he not only punished the disobedient, but he also would allow none to plunder a field or commit any other act of injury whatever without his consent. On festival days he would sally forth and take from the fields wine and unblemished victims, except what was voluntarily given him by the masters; and if he discovered that anyone was plotting against him or laying an ambush he took vengeance on him.
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§ 6.90 Now the State had proclaimed that it would give a large reward to the man who took him alive or brought in his head, and finally, when this Drimacus had grown old, he summoned his favourite boy to a certain place and said: “I have loved you more than anyone else in the world; you are my favourite, my son, everything that I have. But I have lived long enough, whereas you are young and in the flower of life. What, then, remains? You must become a good and noble man. Since, now, the Chian State offers a large sum to the man who kills me, and promises him freedom, you must cut off my head and carry it to Chios; then you shall receive the money from the State and live in wealth.” The lad remonstrated, but was finally persuaded; cutting off the head of Drimacus he received from the Chians the reward that had been proclaimed, and after burying the body of the runaway he removed to his own country. And once more the Chians suffered injuries at the hands of their slaves, and when they were plundered they remembered the probity of the dead runaway, and founded a shrine in his country, giving it the name of the Kindly Hero. In his honour, to this very day, fugitive slaves render the first-fruits of everything that they purloin. They say also that he appears to many Chians in their sleep and warns them of plots among their slaves; and those persons to whom he appears go to the place where his shrine is and make offerings to him.'
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§ 6.91 This, then, is the story told by Nymphodorus. But in many copies, as I have found, the man is not mentioned by name. I imagine that none openly is ignorant, either, of the story told by the noble Herodotus concerning Panionius of Chios and the just deserts which he suffered for having made eunuchs of freeborn boys, and selling them. Nicolaus the Peripatetic and Poseidonius the Stoic both say in their Histories that the Chians were enslaved by Mithridates the Cappadocian and handed over in chains to their own slaves, to be transported to Colchis; so truly did the Deity vent his wrath upon them for being the first to use purchased slaves, although most people did their own work when it came to menial services. Perhaps, therefore, it was because of these experiences that the proverb arose,'A Chian hath bought him a master,' used by Eupolis in The Friend.
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§ 6.92 [266a] The Athenians took measures to protect the condition of their slaves, and passed laws to legalize suits for outrage even in behalf of slaves. The orator Hypereides, for example, says in the speech Against Mantitheus, which involves a case of assault:'Not only in behalf of free persons, but even when a man outrages the body of a slave, they decreed that actions should lie against the man who committed the outrage.' The like is stated by Lycurgus in the first speech Against Lycophron and by Demosthenes in that Against Meidias. Malacus, in his Annals of Siphnos, records that Ephesus was settled by slaves of the Samians, to the number of a thousand, who at first had retired to the mountain on the island and done much mischief to the Samians. Five years after this the Samians, in obedience to an oracle, made a conditional treaty with the slaves, and they departed unharmed from the island, sailing forth to Ephesus, where they landed. The Ephesians sprang from them.
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§ 6.93 [266b] Chrysippus, writing On Concord, says in the second book that a slave differs from a domestic in that freedmen are still slaves, whereas those who have not been released from ownership are domestics.'For,' says he,'the domestic is a slave appointed thereto by ownership.' According to Cleitarchus in his Glossary, slaves are known as'attendants,''care-takers,''followers,''ministers,''henchmen,' or again'footmen' and'menials.' Amerias says that rural slaves are called enclosure-men.' Hermon in the Cretan Glossary defines mnotae as indigenous slaves, while Seleucus says that azoi ('attendants') are handmaids and caretakers, apophrases and bolizes are female slaves in general, sindron is one born of a slave, aphipolos is the maid who waits on the mistress, propolos the maid who walks before her. Proxenus, in the second book of his Laconian Constitution, says that the epithet chalcides was given to maidservants among the Lacedemonians. Ion of Chios, in Laertes, has applied the word'domestic' to a slave in the line:'Go, domestic, on winged foot and lock the house lest any mortal enter.' And Achaeus, speaking in Omphale of the satyr says:'How kind was he to his slaves, to his domestics!' thereby properly meaning that he is good to his slaves and domestics. But that'domestic' may mean anyone living in the house, even if he be a free person, is generally known.
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§ 6.94 [267a] The poets of the Old Comedy, when they tell us about life in primitive times, set forth such lines as the following to show that in those days no use was made of slaves. Cratinus, for example, in The Plutuses:'Their king was Cronus in the old days, when they used to shoot dice with bread-loaves, and in the wrestling-schools fees were paid with Aiginetan barley-cakes, juicy ripe and swelling in lumps.' Crates in Wild Animals:'A. So then, no man shall own any slave, male or female, but, old though he be, must he serve himself with his own hands? Not at all, for I shall make all his utensils capable walking. A. But what good, pray, will that do him? B. Each article of furniture will come to him when he calls it. Place yourself here, table! You, I mean, get yourself ready! Knead, my little troughy. Fill up, my ladle! Where's the cup? Go and wash yourself. Walk this way, my barley-cake. The pot should disgorge the beets. Fish, get up! “But I'm not yet done on the other side!” Well, turn yourself over, won't you? and baste yourself with oil and salt.' Immediately after these lines the one who plays opposite him takes up the word and says:'Well, then, match that with this. I in turn will first draw, for the benefit of my friends, warm baths from the sea on columns, like those in the doctor's office, so that they shall flow of their own accord into every man's basin, and the water will say, Stop me! And the ointment-bottle, full of perfume, will come immediately, of its own accord, and so will the sponge and the sandals.'
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§ 6.95 [276b] Better still than this is the way in which Telecleides sets it forth in The Amphictyons: B'I will, then, tell of the life of old which I provided for mortals. First, there was peace over all, like water over the hands. The earth produced no terror and no disease; on the other hand, things needful came of their own accord. every torrent flowed with wine, barley-cakes strove with wheat-loaves for men's lips, beseeching that they be swallowed if men loved the whitest. Fishes would come to the house and bake themselves, then serve themselves on the tables. A river of broth, whirling hot slices of meat, would flow by the couches; conduits full of piquant sauces for the meat were close at hand for the asking, so that there was plenty for moistening a mouthful and swallowing it tender. On dishes there would be honey-cakes all sprinkled with spices, and roast thrushes served up with milk-cakes were flying into the gullet. The flat-cakes jostled each other at the jaws and set up a racket, the slaves would shoot dice with slices of paunch and tid-bits. Men were fat in those days and every bit mighty giants.'
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§ 6.96 [268a] In Demeter's name, I ask you, comrades, if things were like that what need had we of servants? It was to give us practice in doing our own work that the ancients tried to educate us in their verse, feasting us on words. The altogether admirable Cratinus gave the signal with his torch, as it were, in the verses I have cited, and his successors imitated and rounded out his ideas to completeness. I, therefore, have adopted, in citing the dramas, the order in which they were brought out. And if I don't bore you (as for the Cynics, I don't care the smallest bit for what they think), I will recite in chronological order what other poets have said, beginning with the most Athenian of all, Pherecrates, who says in The Miners:'A. All things in the world yonder were mixed with wealth and fashioned with every blessing in every way. Rivers full of porridge and black broth flowed babbling through the channels spoons and all, and lumps of cheese-cakes too. Hence the morsel could slip easily and oilily of its own accord down the throats of the dead. Blood-puddings there were, and hot slices of sausage lay scattered by the river banks just like shells. Yes, and there were roasted fillets nicely dressed with all sorts of spiced sauces. Close at hand, too, on platters, were whole hams with shin and all, most tender, and trotters well boiled which gave forth a pleasant steam; ox -guts and pork-ribs most daintily browned sat perched on cakes of finest meal. And two polenta with its snowy covering of milk showered over it in pans, and beestings in slices. B. Oh, you'll be the death of me if you dally any longer here, when the whole pack of you should dive at once into Tartarus. A. What will you say, I wonder, when you have heard the rest? For roast thrushes, dressed for a rechauffe, flew round our mouths entreating us to swallow them as we lay stretched among the myrtles and anemones. And the apples! The fairest of the fair to see hung over our heads, though there was nothing on which they grew. Girls in silk shawls, just reaching the flower of youth, and shorn of the hair on their bodies, drew through a funnel full cups of red wine with fine bouquet for all who wished to drink. And whenever one had eaten or drunk of these things, straightway there came forth once more twice as much again.'
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§ 6.97 [268b] And in The Persians also Pherecrates says:'What need have we any longer of your ploughmen or yoke-makers, your armourers or coppersmiths? or of seed or vine-propping? Why! Rivers of black broth, gushing forth copiously of their own accord over the cross-roads with rich spice-cakes and barley-cakes of finest meal, will flow from the springs of Plutus all ready to be ladled up. And Zeus will rain smoky wine and drench your tiles like a bath-man; and from the roofs conduits of grapes, in company with cheese-cakes, stuffed with cheese, will draw off rills of hot pease-porridge and polenta made of lilies and anemones. The trees on the mountains will put forth leaves of roast kids' guts, tender cuttle-fish, and boiled thrushes.'
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§ 6.98 [269a] Why need I further cite, in addition to these lines, the verses from Masters of the Frying-pan by the witty Aristophanes? For you are all surfeited with his malicious mockery. But after quoting from The Thurio-Persians of Metagenes I will bring my talk to a close, first dismissing with scorn The Sirens of Nicophon, in which the following stands written:'Let it snow barley-meal, sprinkle wheat-loaves, rain pease-porridge; let broth roll its lumps of meat through the streets, let a flat-cake give orders to be eaten.'F Well, as I was saying, Metagenes has the following:'The river Crathis brings down for us huge barley-cakes which have kneaded themselves, while the other river thrusts its billow of cheese-cakes and meat and boiled rays wriggling to us here. These little rivulets flow on one side with baked squid-fish, braize, and crawfish, on the other side with sausages and hashed meat; here anchovies, yonder pancakes. And cutlets automatically stewed dart downwards into the mouth, others upwards at our very feet, while cakes of fine meal swim round us as in a circle.' I am aware that The Thurio-Persians, as well as Nicophon's play, was never produced, which is why I mentioned it last."
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§ 6.99 [270a] This clear and distinct exposition by Democritus was applauded by the Dinnervillians, but Cynulcus said: “Messmates, although I am quite famished, Democritus has feasted me not unpleasantly by so thoroughly discussing rivers of ambrosia and nectar; though'my soul has been moistened, yet am I very hungry,' for I have swallowed nothing but words. Wherefore let us at last cease from such interminable harangues and take up instead certain viands of such a nature as (to quote the orator from Paeania )'neither increase one's strength nor yet allow one to die.' for in an empty belly no love of the beautiful can reside, since Cypris is a cruel goddess to them that hunger,' Achaeus says in the satyric drama Aethon. From him the wise Euripides has borrowed the idea and has said:'For Love dwells where plenty is, but in a hungry man, no!'” In answer to Cynulcus, Ulpian, who was always quarrelling with him, said: "'Full of greens is the market-place, full, too, of bread.' But you, Cynic, are always famishing, and won't allow us to partake of good and ample discourse — nay, feed on it. For noble discourse is food for the soul." With this he turned to his slave and said, “ Leucus, if you have any bread scraps from the manger, give them to these Dogs.” And Cynulcus answered: “If I had been invited to a feast of reason merely, I should have known enough to arrive at the hour of full market (by this term one of the sophists denominated the hour of lectures, and the vulgar named him Full-market on that account); but if we have bathed only to come to a dinner of cheap talk, then, to quote Menander,'I pay a contribution too high for the privilege of listening.' Wherefore, greedy, I yield to you the right to sate yourself on that kind of food; for'a barley-cake is worth more to a hungry man than gold and ivory, as Achaeus of Eretria says in Cycnus.”
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§ 6.100 [271a] With these words he made as if to get up and depart, but as he turned he saw a quantity of fish and all sorts of other dressed dainties being wheeled in, and punching the cushion with his fist he bawled: "'Be of good courage, poverty mine, and endure when men talk foolishness; for a multitude of dainties overpowers thee, as well as joyless hunger.' Yes, I am so empty that I begin to sing, no dithyrambs, like Socrates, but epic verses. For'this rhapsody' is truly'about hunger.' Ameipsias, as it happens, prophesied about you, Larensis, when he said in The Sling:'Not one of our rich men, so help me Hephaestus, is like you; you set so fine a table, you are eager to eat such rich morsels.' For'I see a wonder incredible — all kinds of fish sporting off the cape, gobies, breams, sole, red fish, grey mullets, perch, hake, tunnies, black-tails, cuttle-fish, germons, red mullets, octopuses, and bullheads.' So speaks Heniochus in The Busybody. I must, therefore, be of good cheer, adding another line from the comic poet Metagenes:'One omen is best, to dare fight for our dinner.'"

Via ToposText (topostext.org), a project of the Aikaterini Laskaridis Foundation created by Brady Kiesling. Translated by Charles Burton Gulick (1868-1962). Composed ca. 228 CE. Licence: public domain. Source.