Eunuchus; or, The Eunuch

Perseus Latin · Perseus Latin · 932 sections

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now assuredly is the time for me to meet my death, when I can so well endure it; lest my life should sully this ecstasy with some disaster. But is there now no inquisitive person to be intruding upon me, to be following me wherever I do, to be deafening me, worrying me to death, with asking questions; why thus transported, or why so overjoyed, whither I’m going, whence I’m come, where
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I got this garb, what is my object, whether I’m in my senses or whether downright mad?
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I’ll accost him, and I’ll do him the favor which I see he’s wishing for. (Accosting him.) Chaerea, why are you thus transported? What’s the object of this garb? Why is it that you’re so overjoyed? What is the meaning of this? Are you quite right in your senses? Why do you stare at me? What have you to say?
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O joyous day! O welcome, my friend!
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There’s not one in all the world whom I would rather wish to see at this moment that yourself.
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Pray, do tell me what all this means.
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Nay rather, i’faith, I beg of you to listen to me. Do you know the mistress whom my brother is so fond of?
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I know her; I suppose you mean Thais?
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The very same.
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So far I recollect.
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To-day a certain damsel was presented to her. Why now should I extol or commend her beauty to you, Antipho,
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since you yourself know how nice a judge of beauty I am? I have been smitten by her.
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Do you say so?
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If you saw her, I am sure you would say she’s exquisite. What need of many words? I fell in love with her. By good luck there was at our house a certain Eunuch, whom my brother had purchased for Thais, and he had not as yet been sent to her. On this occasion, Parmeno,
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our servant, made a suggestion to me, which I adopted.
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What was it?
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Be quiet, and you shall hear the sooner; to change clothes with him, and order myself to be taken there in his stead.
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What, instead of the Eunuch?
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The fact.
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To receive what advantage, pray, from this plan?
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Do you ask? That I might see, hear, and be in company with her whom I loved, Antipho. Is that a slight motive, or a poor reason? I was presented to the woman.
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She, as soon as she received me, joyfully took me home to her house and intrusted the damsel—
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To whom? To you?
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To me.
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In perfect safety, at all events.
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She gave orders that no male was to come near her, and commanded me not to stir away from her; that I was to remain alone with her in the inner apartments. Looking bashfully on the ground, I nodded assent.
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Poor fellow!
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I am going out, said she, to dinner.
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She took her maids with her; a few novices of girls remained, to be about her. These immediately made preparations for her to bathe. I urged them to make haste. While preparations were being made, the damsel sat in a room looking up at a certain painting, in which was represented how Jove is said once to have sent a golden shower into the bosom of Danaë.
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I myself began to look at it as well, and as he had in former times played the like game, I felt extremely delighted that a God should change himself into money, and slily come through the tiles of another person’s house, to deceive the fair one by means of a shower. But what God was this? He who shakes the most lofty temples of heaven with his thunders.
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Was I, a poor creature of a mortal, not to do the same? Certainly, I was to do it, and without hesitation. While I was thinking over these matters with myself, the damsel meantime was fetched away to bathe; she went, bathed, and came back; after which they laid her on a couch. I stood waiting to see if they gave me any orders. One came up, Here, Dorus, said she, take this fan, and let her have a little air in this fashion, while we are bathing;
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when we have bathed, if you like, you may bathe too. With a demure air I took it.
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Really, I should very much have liked to see that impudent face of yours just then, and what figure a great donkey like you made, holding a fan!
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Hardly had she said this, when all, in a moment, betook themselves off: away they went to bathe, and chattered aloud; just as the way is when masters are absent.
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Meanwhile, sleep overtook the damsel; I slily looked askance through the fan; this way (showing how): at the same time I looked round in all directions, to see whether all was quite safe. I saw that it was. I bolted the door.
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What then?
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Eh? What then, you simpleton?
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I own I am.
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Was I to let slip the opportunity offered me, so excellent, so short-lived, so longed for, so unexpected.
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In that case, i’faith, I really should have been the person I was pretending to be.
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Troth, you certainly are in the right; but, meantime, what has been arranged about the club-entertainment?
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All’s ready.
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You are a clever hand; but where? At your house?
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No, at Discus’s, our freedman.
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That’s a long way off.
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Then let’s make so much the greater haste.
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Change your dress.
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Where am I to change it? I’m at a loss; for at present I’m an exile from home; I’m afraid of my brother,
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lest he should be in-doors: and then again of my father, lest he should have returned from the country by this.
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Let’s go to my house; there is the nearest place for you to change.
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You say right. Let’s be off; besides, I want to take counsel with you about this girl, by what means I may be able to secure the future possession of her.
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Very well.
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So may the Gods bless me, but from what I have seen, I’m terribly afraid that
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this mad fellow will be guilty of some disturbance to-day or of some violence to Thais. For when this young man, the brother of the damsel, arrived, she begged the Captain to order him to be admitted; he immediately began to get into a passion, and yet didn’t dare refuse; Thais still insisted that he would invite the man in. This she did for the sake of detaining him; because there was no opportunity just then of telling him what she wanted to disclose about her sister.
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He was invited in, and took his seat. Then she entered into discourse with him. But the Captain, fancying it was a rival brought before his very eyes, wanted in his turn to mortify her: Hark you, boy, said he, go fetch Pamphila, that she may amuse us here. She exclaimed, At a banquet! Certainly not. The Captain still persisted to a downright quarrel.
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Meanwhile my mistress secretly took off her golden jewels, and gave them to me to take away: this is a sign, I’m sure, that she’ll betake herself from there as soon as she possibly can.
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While I was going into the country, I began on the road, as it mostly happens when there is any anxiety on the mind,
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to reflect with myself upon one thing after another, and upon every thing in the worst light. What need of words? While I was musing thus, inadvertently I passed my country-house. I had already got some distance from it, when I perceived this; I returned again, really feeling quite uneasy; when I came to the very turning that leads to the house, I came to a stop,
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and began to reason with myself; What! must I stay here alone for two days without her? Well, and what then? It’s nothing at all. What? Nothing at all? Well now, if I haven't the privilege of touching her, am I not even to have that of seeing her? If I may not do the one, at least I may the other. Surely to love at a distance
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even, is better than nothing at all. I purposely passed the house. But how’s this, that Pythias is suddenly hurrying out in such a fright?
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Where, wretch that I am, shall I find this wicked and impious fellow? Or where look for him? That he should dare to commit so audacious a crime as this! I’m ruined outright!
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I dread what this may be.
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Besides, too, the villain, after he had abused the girl,
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rent all the poor thing’s clothes, and tore her hair as well.
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Ha!
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If he were just now in my reach, how eagerly would I fly at that villain’s eyes with my nails!
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Really I can’t imagine what disturbance has happened to us at home in my absence. I’ll accost them. (Going up to them.) What’s the matter? Why in such haste? Or whom are you looking for, Pythias?
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Why, Phaedria, whom should I be looking for? Away with you, as you deserve, with such fine presents of yours.
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What is the matter?
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What, do you ask? The Eunuch you gave us, what confusion he has caused. He has ravished the girl whom the Captain made present of to my mistress.
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What is it you say?
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I’m ruined outright!
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You are drunk.
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I wish that they were so, who wish ill to me.
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Oh, prithee, my dear Pythias, what a monstrous thing this is!
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You are out of your senses. How could a Eunuch possibly do this?
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I know nothing about him: as to what he has done, the thing speaks for itself. The girl is in tears; and when you ask her what’s the matter, she does not dare tell. But he, a precious fellow, is nowhere to be seen. To my sorrow I suspect too,
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that when he took himself off he carried something away from the house.
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I can not enough wonder, whither this varlet can possibly have betaken himself to any distance from here; unless perhaps he has returned home to our house.
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Pray, go and see whether he is there.
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I’ll let you know immediately.
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Ruined outright! Prithee, my dear, I never did so much as hear of a deed so abominable!
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Why, faith, I had heard that they were extremely fond of the women,
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but were incapable; unfortunately what has happened never came into my mind; otherwise I should have shut him up somewhere, and not have intrusted the girl to him.
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Come out, you villain! What, do you lag behind, you runaway? Out with you, you sorry bargain!
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Mercy, I do entreat you!
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Oh, do look at that! How the villain distorts his face.
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What means your coming back hither? Why this change of dress? What have you to say? If I had delayed a moment, Pythias, I shouldn’t have found him at home: he had just prepared, in this fashion, for flight.
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Have you caught the fellow, pray?
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Caught him, why not?
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O well done!
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Upon my faith that really is capital!
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Where is he?
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Do you ask the question? Don’t you see him?
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See whom, pray?
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This fellow, to be sure (pointing).
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What person is this?
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The same that was brought to your house to-day.
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Not one of our people has ever beheld this person with her eyes, Phaedria.
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Not beheld him?

Perseus Latin. CTS URN phi0134.phi003.perseus-eng2. Via the Perseus Digital Library / Open Greek and Latin TEI corpora. Licence: CC BY-SA 4.0. Source.