Heautontimorumenos; or, The Self-Tormenter

Perseus Latin · Perseus Latin · 909 sections

4.3.680
as to cause me uneasiness; so extreme is this joy that has surprised me. Now then I shall give myself up entirely to my father, to be more frugal than even he could wish.
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I wasn’t mistaken; she has been discovered, so far as I understand from these words of his. (Acvancing.) I am rejoiced that this matter has turned out for you so much to your wish.
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O my dear Syrus, have you heard of it, pray?
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How shouldn’t I, when I was present all the while ?
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Did you ever hear of any thing falling out so fortunately for any one?
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Never.
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And, so may the Gods prosper me, I do not now rejoice so much on my own account as hers, whom I know to be deserving of any honor.
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I believe it: but now, Clinia, come, attend to me in my turn. For your friend’s business as well,—it must be seen to—that it is placed in a state of security,
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lest the old gentleman should now come to know any thing about his mistress.
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O Jupiter!
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Do be quiet.
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My Antiphila will be mine.
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Do you still interrupt me thus?
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What can I do? My dear Syrus, I’m transported with joy! Do bear with me.
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I’ faith, I really do bear with you.
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We are blest with the life of the Gods.
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I’m taking pains to no purpose, I doubt.
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Speak; I hear you.
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But still you’ll not mind it.
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I will.
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This must be seen to, I say,
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that your friend’s business as well is placed in a state of security. For if you now go away from us, and leave Bacchis here, our old man will immediately come to know that she is Clitipho’s mistress; if you take her away with you, it will be concealed just as much as it has been hitherto concealed.
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But still, Syrus, nothing can make more against my marriage than this;
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for with what face am I to address my father about it? You understand what I mean?
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Why not ?
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What can I say? What excuse can I make?
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Nay, I don’t want you to dissemble; tell him the whole case just as it really is.
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What is it you say ?
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I bid you do this; tell him that you are in love with her, and want her for a wife: that this Bacchis is Clitipho’s mistress.
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You require a thing that is fair and reasonable, and easy to be done.
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And I suppose, then, you would have me request my father to keep it a secret from your old man.
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On the contrary; to tell him directly the matter just as it is.
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What? Are you quite in your senses or sober? Why, you were for ruining him outright. For how could he be in a state of security ? Tell me that.
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For my part, I yield the palm to this device. Here I do pride myself exultingly, in having in myself such exquisite resources, and power of address so great, as to deceive them both by telling the truth: so that when your old man tells ours that she is his son’s mistress, he’ll still not believe him.
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But yet, by these means you again cut off all hopes of my marriage; for as long as Chremes believes that she is my mistress, he’ll not give me his daughter.
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Perhaps you care little what becomes of me, so long as you provide for him.
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What the plague, do you suppose I want this pretense to be kept up for an age ? ’Tis but for a single day, only till I have secured the money: you be quiet; I ask no more.
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Is that sufficient? If his father should come to know of it, pray, what then?
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What if I have recourse to those who say, What now if the sky were to fall?
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I’m afraid to go about it.
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You, afraid! As if it was not in your power to clear yourself at any time you like, and discover the whole matter.
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Well, well; let Bacchis be brought over to our house.
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Capital! she is coming out of doors.
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To a very fine purpose, upon my faith, have the promises of Syrus brought me hither, who agreed to lend me ten minae. If now he
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deceives me, oft as he may entreat me to come, he shall come in vain. Or else, when I’ve promised to come, and fixed the time, when he has carried word back for certain, and Clitipho is on the stretch of expectation, I’ll disappoint him and not come. Syrus will make atonement to me with his back.
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She promises you very fairly.
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But do you think she is in jest?
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She’ll do it, if I don’t take care.
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They’re asleep—I’faith, I’ll rouse them. (Aloud.) My dear Phrygia, did you hear about the country-seat of Charinus, which that man was showing us just now ?
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I heard of it.
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That it was the next to the farm here on the right-hand side.
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I remember.
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Run thither post-haste; the Captain is keeping the feast of Bacchus at his house.
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What is she going to be at?
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Tell him I am here very much against my inclination, and am detained;
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but that by some means or other I’ll give them the slip and come to him.
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Upon my faith, I’m ruined! Bacchis, stay, stay; prithee, where are you sending her ? Order her to stop.
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Be off.
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Why, the money’s ready.
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Why, then I’ll stay.
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And it will be given you presently.
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Just when you please; do I press you ?
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But do you know what you are to do, pray?
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What ?
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You must now go over to the house of Menedemus, and your equipage
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must be taken over thither.
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What scheme are you upon, you rascal?
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What, I? Coining money to give you.
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Do you think me a proper person for you to play upon?
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It’s not without a purpose.
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Why, have I any business then with you here?
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O no; I’m only going to give you what’s your own.
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Then let’s be going.
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Follow this way. (Goes to the door of MENEDIEMUS, and calls.) Ho there! Dromo.
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Who is it wants me?
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Syrus.
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What’s the matter?
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Take over all the attendants of Bacchis to your house here immediately.
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Why so?
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Ask no questions. Let them take what they brought here with them. The old gentleman will hope his expenses are lightened by their departure; for sure he little knows how much loss this trifling gain will bring him. You, Dromo, if you are wise, know nothing of what you do know.
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You shall own that I’m dumb.
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So may the Deities prosper me, I am now concerned for the fate of Menedemus,
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that so great a misfortune should have befallen him. To be maintaining that woman with such a retinue! Although I am well aware he’ll not be sensible of it for some days to come, his son was so greatly missed by him; but when he sees such a vast expense incurred by him
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every day at home, and no limit to it, he’ll wish that this son would leave him a second time. See—here comes Syrus most opportunely.
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Why delay to accost him?
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Syrus.
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Well.
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How go matters ?
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I’ve been wishing for some time for you to be thrown in my way.
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You seem, then, to have effected something, I know not what, with the old gentleman.
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As to what we were talking of a short time since? No sooner said than done.
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In real earnest ?
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In real.
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Upon my faith, I can not forbear patting your head for it. Come here, Syrus; I’ll do you some good turn for this matter, and with pleasure.
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But if you knew how cleverly it came into my head—
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Pshaw! Do you boast because it has turned out according to your wishes
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On my word, not I, indeed; I am telling the truth.
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Tell me how it is.
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Clinia has told Menedemus, that this Bacchis is your Clitipho’s mistress, and that he has taken her thither with him in order that you might not come to know of it.
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Very good.

Perseus Latin. CTS URN phi0134.phi002.perseus-eng2. Via the Perseus Digital Library / Open Greek and Latin TEI corpora. Licence: CC BY-SA 4.0. Source.