Curculio, or The Forgery

Perseus Latin · Perseus Latin · 618 sections

2.3.365b
Do I delay you?
2.3.366
But let’s cram down something first, the gammon, the udder, and the kernels; these are the foundations for the stomach, with bread and roast beef, a good-sized cup and a capacious pot, that counsel enough may be forthcoming. Do you, yourself, seal the letter; he’ll do the honors (pointing to PALINURUS) while I am eating.
2.3.370
I’ll dictate after what fashion you’re to write. Follow me this way, in-doors.
2.3.370b
I follow.
3.1.371
I seem to be in opulence; I’ve struck my balance, how much money I have, and how much I owe. I’m rich, if I don’t pay those to whom I’m in debt. If I do pay those to whom I’m in debt, my debts are the greatest.
3.1.375
But really, upon my faith, when I carefully consider, if they press me hard, I’ll resort to the Praetor. Most bankers have this habit, for one to borrow of the other, and to pay nobody, and to discharge the debt with their fists, if any one duns in a loudish tone.
3.1.380
The person that has in a short time acquired wealth, unless in good time he saves it, in good time comes to starvation. I’d like to buy a servant for myself, who now, however, must be sought by me on hire: there’s occasion for my ready money.
3.1.384
Don’t you be reminding me now I’m full; I recollect and understand.
3.1.385
I’ll render up to you all this cleverly carried out; do hold your peace. I’ faith, I’ve surely filled myself in-doors right well, and still in my stomach I’ve left room for one corner, in which to stow away the remnants of these remnants.
3.1.389
Who’s this that with covered head is saluting Aesculapius? Heyday, the very man I wanted. (To an ATTENDANT.) Follow me.
3.1.391
I’ll make pretence as though I didn’t know him. (Aloud.) Hark you; I want you.
3.1.392
One-eyed man, save you.
3.1.392b
Prithee, do you jeer me?
3.1.393
I suppose that you are of the family of the Coclites; for they are one-eyed.
3.1.394b
This was knocked out for me by a catapulta,
3.1.395
at Sicyon.
3.1.395b
What matters it to me, pray, if it had been knocked out by a broken pot with cinders in it?
3.1.397
This fellow’s a wizard, surely; he tells the truth, for such catapultas are often directed at me.
3.1.399
Young man, as I bear this mark on my face in the service of the public, prithee don’t be uncivil to me.
3.1.401
May I then inforize you, if I may not incomitiatize?
3.1.402
You shan’t be inforizing me, indeed; and really I don’t care at all about your Forum or your Comitia. But if you can point me out this person that I’m seeking,
3.1.405
you will be doing me a real and a great service. I’m looking for Lyco the banker.
3.1.406b
Tell me why you are now seeking for him, or, of what country are you?
3.1.407b
I’ll tell you: I’m come from Therapontigonus Platagidorus, the Captain.
3.1.409
I’ faith, I know the name: (aside) for with that same name,
3.1.410
when I wrote, I filled four whole sides. (To CURCULIO.) But why are you seeking for Lyco?
3.1.411b
I’ve been ordered to deliver this letter to him.
3.1.412b
What person are you?
3.1.413
His freed-man, whom all call Summanus.
3.1.414
Summanus, my greetings. But why Summanus? Let me know.
3.1.415
Because, when in my drunken fit I’ve gone to sleep, I summane the garments; for that reason do all people call me Summanus.
3.1.417
’Twere better for you to look out for entertainment for you somewhere else; really in my own house I have no room for a Summanus. But I am the person that you are looking for.
3.1.419b
Prithee, are you he,
3.1.420
Lyco the banker?
3.1.420b
I am.
3.1.420c
Therapontigonus requested me to give you a hearty greeting, and to deliver this letter.
3.1.422b
What, to me?
3.1.422c
Just so. Take it, recognize the seal. Do you know it? (LYCO takes the letter.)
3.1.423b
Why should I not know it? On which, a man, holding a shield, is cleaving an elephant asunder with a sword.
3.1.425
What’s written there he bade me request you to do immediately, if you wished for his esteem.
3.1.427
Step aside; I’ll look what’s written in it.
3.1.427b
By all means, at your pleasure, so long as I receive of you that which I’m come for.
3.1.429
Therapontigonus Platagidorus, the Captain, his guest, sends to his host Lyco, at Epidaurus,
3.1.431
right hearty greeting.
3.1.431b
This fellow’s my own; he’s swallowing the hook.
3.1.432
I beg and request of you that, the person who delivers this letter to you, to him be given up the girl whom I purchased there (which I did there in your presence, and you being the negotiator),
3.1.435
and the golden trinkets and clothes as well. You know already how it was agreed upon. You give the money to the Procurer, and give the young woman to this person. (To CURCULIO.) Where is he himself? Why doesn’t he come?
3.1.437b
I’ll tell you; because it is but four days since we arrived in Caria, from India; there he now intends to order a solid golden statue
3.1.440
to be made of Philippean gold, which is to be seven feet high—a memorial of his exploits.
3.1.442
For what reason this?
3.1.442b
I’ll tell you; why, because within twenty days he singly has subdued the Persians, Paphlagonians, Sinopians, Arabians, Cretans, Syrians, Rhodia and Lycia, Peredia and Bibesia,
3.1.445
Centauromachia and Classia Unomammia, and all Libya, and all Conterebromia; one half even of all nations has he conquered unaided in twenty days.
3.1.449
Dear me!
3.1.449b
Why are you surprised?
3.1.449c
Why, because if all these people were penned up in a cage
3.1.450
as close as chickens, even so they couldn’t be encompassed in a year. Upon my faith, I do believe that you are come from him; for you do jabber such nonsense.
3.1.453
Aye, and I can tell you still more, if you like.
3.1.453b
No; I don’t want it. Follow me this way. I’ll pay you that, on account of which you came;
3.1.455
and lo, I see (from his house.) Save you, Procurer.
3.1.455b
May the Gods prosper you.
3.1.456
Do you know what this is about which I’m come to you?
3.1.456b
Say on what you please.
3.1.457
You are to receive the money, and to send away the young woman with him. (Pointing to CURCULIO.)
3.1.458
But what if I’m bound on oath to another?
3.1.458b
What matters that to you, so long as you get the money?
3.1.459_460a
He who advises is as good as an accomplice. Do you follow.
3.1.461b
Procurer, take care that you don’t cause me any delay.
4.1.462
By my faith, Phaedromus has cleverly met with this clever rogue; but whether a salt-water rogue or a dry-land one I’m the rather to say he is, I really don’t know. The costume that I’ve lent I fear I shan’t get back.
4.1.465
Although I have nothing whatever to do with him (I trusted Phaedromus himself), still I’ll keep an eye upon him. But until he comes out of doors, I’ll point out in what place you may easily meet with each person, that he mayn’t lose his labour through too much trouble, if any one wishes to meet either a rascal or one without rascality, or an honest man or a dishonest one.
4.1.470
He who desires to meet with a perjured fellow, let him go into the courts of law; he who wants a liar and a braggart, near the rites of Cloacina. The rich and erring husbands seek you at the magisterial halls of the Basilica. There, too, will be the worn-out harlots, and those who are wont to haggle for them. Contributors to pic-nic dinners you’ll find in the fishmarket.
4.1.475
In the lower part of the Forum good men and opulent do walk; in the middle, near the canal, there are the mere puffers-off. Beyond the lake of Curtius are impudent, talkative, and malevolent fellows, who boldly, without reason, utter calumnies about another, and who, themselves, have sufficient that might with truth be said against them.
4.1.480
There, at the old shops, are these who lend and those who borrow at interest. Behind the Temple of Castor there are those to whom unguardedly you may be lending to your cost. There, in the Etrurian street, are those men who hold themselves on sale. In the Velabrum you’ll find either baker, or butcher, or soothsayer; either those who sell retail themselves, or supply to others things to be sold by retail.
4.1.485
Rich sinning husbands you’ll find at the house of Oppian Leucadia. But, meantime, the door makes a noise; I must curb my tongue.
4.2.487
Maiden, do you go before; what is behind me I cannot keep my eye upon. Both the trinkets of gold, and all the clothing that she had, were his own, he said.
4.2.489
No one is going to deny it.
4.2.489b
Still, however, it’s somewhat better for me to remind you.
4.2.490
Remember that you’ve undertaken, that, if any one should assert in course of law that she’s properly free, all the money is to be returned to me-thirty minae.
4.2.492b
I shall remember; be easy about that; and now I say the same.
4.2.493b
But I wish you to remember this well.
4.2.494
I remember, and I shall deliver her to you on warranty.
4.2.494b
And am I to take anything on warranty from a Procurer, people who have nothing of their own except a tongue only;
4.2.496
who, if anything’s entrusted them, deny it upon oath? You Procurers dispose of what belongs to others, you give liberty to what belongs to others, and what belongs to others your give your commands to; no guarantee of ownership is there in the transfer to yourselves, nor are you yourselves guarantees to another person. The race of Procurers, among mortals, in my way of thinking at least,
4.2.500
are just like flies, gnats, bugs, lice, and fleas—a plague, a mischief, and a nuisance; you are of no serviceable use, and no respectable person dares to stand with you in the Forum; he that does associate with you, they censure him, he’s spat upon and abused; they say that he has lost his property and his honor, although he has done nothing at all.
4.2.505
Upon my faith, my clever one-eyed friend, in my way of thinking, you are well acquainted with the Procurers.
4.2.506
You bankers, i’ faith, I put and place in the same rank; you are the very counterparts of them. They, at least, are on sale in dark corners, you in the very Forum. You tear men to pieces with usury, they by persuading them amiss and by means of their dens. Full many a proposed statute has the public confirmed on your account,
4.2.510
which when confirmed you break; some loophole you find out; just as boiling water becomes cold, so do you deem the laws.
4.2.512
I’d rather I’d held my tongue.
4.2.512b
Not wrongfully, and with good reason, are you abusive against them.
4.2.513
If abuse is uttered against those who deserve it not, that I do hold to be abuse; but if it is uttered against those who are deserving, it is fair censure, in my way of thinking, at least.
4.2.515
I care nothing about your warranty, nor about any other Procurer whatever. Lyco, do you want anything with me?
4.2.516b
Heartily fare you well.
4.2.516c
Farewell. (Going.)
4.2.516d
Hark you! I say to you—
4.2.517
Say on; what do you want?
4.2.517b
Prithee do you take care that all’s well with her (pointing to PLANESIUM); I’ve brought her up in my house carefully and in chastity.
4.2.518b
If you have such compassion for her, pray, what would you give for it to be all well with her?
4.2.519b
A plaguy mishap for yourself.
4.2.519c
You need take due care on that score about yourself.
4.2.520
Why, simpleton, do you cry? Don’t be afraid; upon my faith, I’ve sold you favourably. Take care, will you, and be a good girl; now prettily accompany him, pretty one.
4.2.522
Summanus, do you want anything with me at present?

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